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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To visit these friends?

16 replies

Gryffindor · 07/05/2014 21:20

DH and I used to live abroad, and have friends (a married couple) who still live in that country.

We are planning to pass through this country next Feb for a few days, and would really like to stay with our friends. They have visited our new home city a few times over the last couple of years and they stay with us, we all get on really well and we love having them. In addition, the place they live is super duper expensive and would cost well in excess of £150 a night for a semi OK hotel.

They always say that we should stay with them when we pass through (this would be our first trip since moving back home), but they are expecting their first DC in September this year. By Feb the baby would be around 5mo.

DH and I don't have DC yet so I don't know if having guests (for 2-3 days) when you have a 5mo would be manageable (even...fun?) or a total nightmare. I don't want to even suggest it without running it past MN first.

So, AIBU to consider a trip to visit friends with a 5mo baby for 2-3 days?

Thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

Gryffindor · 07/05/2014 21:25

Ah, just to add. We aren't party animals or anything like that. We would obviously spend time with them (take them out for dinner, or get dinner in etc) but would go off and do some sightseeing and generally do our best not to be a burden.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 07/05/2014 21:28

I wouldn't have minded but you need to realise that staying with them won't necessarily be relaxing or as much fun as pre DC..
You might get woken up in the night and they may well want to go to bed by 9pm.
If you are happy to pitch in and help out then you should be welcome bit no body really knows what having a baby is like until you have one.

CoffeeTea103 · 07/05/2014 21:29

I think you can ask them, and just make sure to explain it's no problem if they feel it's not the right time. They might be totally fine with it.

Waltonswatcher1 · 07/05/2014 21:31

Yep, just ask ; with emphasis on the 'its ok to say no as we have a plan b'.

thenightsky · 07/05/2014 21:32

YANBU. I think it would be fine.

Original poster

Gryffindor · 07/05/2014 21:32

TBH, with jetlag (about 14 hr flight in the 'wrong' direction) I think we might be in bed at 9 too!

Of course would be very happy to muck in and help out. When they have stayed with us before they have mucked in with wallpaper stripping, coming grocery shopping etc. Definitely not a friendship built just on glitz and glamour. I just didn't want to barge in and be really inconsiderate friends with no concept of babies.

OP posts:

Chickenschicken · 07/05/2014 21:37

I was in a similar situation with childless friends when my daughter was about 4 months. Again they weren't party animals, it was nice to have the company and too see them without us having to make the effort to go out.
Probably better to ask them now rather than when they have a newborn as they might not be able to imagine getting dressed at that point never mind having guests! By 5 months most of us can shower in the morning :)

maddening · 07/05/2014 21:46

if I had room I would love friends to stay - it is generally harder to go out in the evening so having social time at home with good friends would be lovely - and people to entertain dc and going out for lovely walks or to local attractions in the day would be nice too - dc won't be eating yet then so you can still get out to nice places for lunch without worrying if dc would eat the food - at 5 mo they are very portable imo. If the dc isn't sleeping much then you could offer to watch the baby for a couple of hours while your friends take a nap - the sleep/illness being the only reasons I could see for them not to want friends over - if you've not slept much then you might not fancy it so it really depends on that I reckon.

maddening · 07/05/2014 21:48

ps no harm asking and letting them decide

KERALA1 · 07/05/2014 21:52

We had an utter random stay with us for a week when dd2 was 4 months and we had a toddler. It was totally fine can't see how it would be problem here.

Background dhs old friend got married near us. A school friend of his who we had never met and lived miles away wife got taken really ill and was hospitalised. We live literally next to the hospital so the husband stayed with us while the wife was operated on. Poor couple won't forget that wedding in a hurry!

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2014 21:56

Even if they say yes they may change their mind when the baby is born though. They wont know what it's goin g to be llike either

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 07/05/2014 22:39

Ask them outright, speaking plainly and offering to help out/stay out from underfoot/go out/cook/clean/help out etc and tell them that if they do say yes now, they are welcome to change their minds once the baby has arrived, if they think you would be "too much" (within reason obviously, not the day you're due to travel so you're stranded or anything!)

ThatsAStupidUsername · 07/05/2014 23:02

As an earlier posted suggested - I think its fine to ask to especially if you tell them you have a plan B.

We were expats for years and had loads and loads of visitors. If you actually help out, don't expect your hosts to be tour guides and suggest and pay for take out or a meal out you will be a perfect guest

We had lots of terrible guests. A lot never did anything to help. I thought that was quite rude especially if I had been driving them about all day. Some seemed in holiday mode but seemed oblivious to the extra work they created.

You sound like you would be a very considerate guest and I bet your friends would be glad if you stayed with them.

Original poster

Gryffindor · 08/05/2014 23:48

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:

Melonbreath · 09/05/2014 08:41

And if the mum looks shattered offer to take the baby for a walk after a feed so she can sleep.
I would have loved that.
by four or five months you do feel human, a shattered human but a human nonetheless.

BerniesBurneze · 09/05/2014 08:56

Before I had the baby I would accept - but I'd find it v difficult at the time. It'd be nice if you made it clear you're after a room not entertaining for a few days. I wouldn't have wanted you to 'muck in' but maybe you can offer to sit whilst they go for a walk for an hour - or even walk the baby and give them 20mins peace.

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