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Original poster

DS' Class Mate Being Hit By His DGM

32 replies

pupsiecola · 07/05/2014 16:26

DS (year 6) spent some time at the park with a classmate last week. He's just told me that this friend told him that his grandma hits him hard across the bum with the handle of a knife?!

Should I speak to the school about this? My gut feeling is yes, I need to do something. But I also feel very nervous about taking this further. The fact that he struck up a conversation with DS about it - maybe he's really struggling with it, if it is happening. Maybe it's not true. Maybe if I said sth it would all blow up and social services would get involved and it would end up far worse for the kid involved.

We are new to the area and don't know this family. I do know that the boy goes to his DGMs house after school sometimes but I do not know if he actually lives with her and if she's his sole carer. DS doesn't know either. DS says this child is a bit rough physically but really kind inside. Poor kid. I've smacked mine on the bum occasionally but not for years and would never pick something up and whack them with it. So this is genuine concern and not judgement. (And I would appreciate no judgement cos I've smacked mine on the bum either - obviously it's an emotive subject).

Any advice/guidance on what to do, if anything would be appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
sassysally · 07/05/2014 16:37

Hmm It's 3rd hand information isn't it.Apart from anything wouldn't she have to firmly grasp the blade to whack him with the handle.
why wouldn't she choose a different implement? It just doesn't sound plausible to me.

Thomyorke · 07/05/2014 16:39

I would be a bit carefully, my DS once told a teacher his dad hit him with a hammer. Luckily the teacher kept the conversation going to discover it was an inflatable hammer.

Doingakatereddy · 07/05/2014 16:46

Report to SS, you are not placed to ascertain if this claim is valid but you are a reponsjble adult who has been informed that a child is potentially been hurt.

Your duty is to tell the authorities. Hand wringing is not the right course if action

manicinsomniac · 07/05/2014 16:48

Yes, tell them. It is probably nothing. In which case no harm done. But, if it is something you would feel awful if you knew and said nothing.

rinabean · 07/05/2014 16:53

SS will surely know just as well as you do that it's come from him via your son via you and take that into account so I wouldn't worry about that. I don't think they would properly investigate over something like this but maybe I'm wrong. But if he says something else in the future or has bruises then they've got this on record already, you know?

HecatePropylaea · 07/05/2014 17:05

she hits him hard with a knife? the handle? so she holds the blade of a knife and hits him with the handle?

It doesn't sound like that can be right, does it? I am trying to imagine holding the blade of a knife and using the handle to hit.

That said, maybe it's an old knife without a handle. Maybe it's something else that he thinks is a knife or maybe it's not happening at all. you have no way of knowing if this is a kid making stuff up or trying to ask for help. Nobody can know what the situation is without investigating it.

The highest risk to a child is something being true and nothing being done. So I would say mention to the school what you have been told and let them do what they feel is best. They will know him better and either know that there are no concerns or maybe it will be another piece of a puzzle.

fwiw, my eldest once told his school that I made him touch nettles. Actually forced him to grab them.

bigTillyMint · 07/05/2014 17:08

What Hecate said.

Apart from the nettles bit!

Original poster
pupsiecola · 07/05/2014 17:10

I agree and had had the same thoughts re her holding a blade tightly. But as Hecate says, I also think it could be anything slightly resembling a knife. That's a good point re school - they will know him and the family best. I will sleep on it I think. It could be nothing. But if he is subjected to regular abuse and is crying out for help ...

OP posts:
DenzelWashington · 07/05/2014 17:13

Oh heavens, just tell the school.

Even if he hasn't got a detail quite right, this boy is reporting being regularly hit. The fact that he is a bit rough himself could indicate he is mirroring conduct to which he's subjected or not.

But if no one ever says anything, then any abuse is just going to keep happening.

TeenAndTween · 07/05/2014 17:16

Mention it to the school, let them deal with it as they see fit.

If it's nothing then that's fine.

If there is an issue, then all the little details are needed to build up a picture to help things happen.

(adopter)

TeenAndTween · 07/05/2014 17:17

(ask to see the teacher in charge of safeguarding)

PrincessBabyCat · 07/05/2014 17:18

My DH's grandma made him go outside and pick his own switch. I'm sure even 20 years ago SS would have intervened. Or maybe not. Schools here in the states still use the paddle to spank kids. It's mostly in the south though and only with parent permission. I was surprised to find out that one was here where I live.

Is corporal punishment allowed where you live? If it is and there were no marks and it was done on his butt, no harm done (as far as legalities).

That said, kids just say stuff for attention sometimes too. Either way, it's better safe than sorry. Let SS sort it out.

Original poster
pupsiecola · 07/05/2014 17:21

No it's not Princess. Am in the UK. DH's dad used to give him the belt for not doing enough/good enough homework. That was 30 years ago.

OP posts:
Lovecat · 07/05/2014 17:28

A girl who used to be in DD's school was grinning her face off when the teacher told me at pick up time that DD had committed some minor offence. She came bouncing up and said "DD, you're going to get beaten now. Are you going to beat her when you get her home?" The teacher and I were kind of WTF? at each other and I said no, of course not. She then said "my mum beats me if I do something naughty. You should beat her too." This was Y1.

Needless to say the teacher took it further and while I don't know the outcome, that child is no longer in DD's school and I often think about the poor kid. The casual acceptance by the child and the absolute glee she showed that someone else was going to get it, was probably the worst thing about it :(

wonderingsoul · 07/05/2014 17:54

Lovecat thats just so sad poor mite.

I would have. Word with his tearcher stress that its Its third hand info by two children but thought you should report it,

thebodylovesspring · 07/05/2014 18:01

Yep tell the class teacher.

sassysally · 07/05/2014 20:29

'Yes, tell them. It is probably nothing. In which case no harm done'

How naïve!

PumpkinPie2013 · 07/05/2014 20:40

I would mention it to school without question.

The child may be muddled as to exactly what the implement is but that's irrelevent.

As you mention you are new to the area I would guess your ds hasn't known this child long so for him to bring it up sets alarm bells ringing for me.

Please mention it - far better to do so and it all turn out fine than to leave it and the child be abused.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/05/2014 20:53

Agree with Princess - sadly here in the US (British expat here) physical punishment seems much more common and it is legal in some states.

I'd probably mention it to the teacher. At least in the UK there's a chance someone might intervene if there is a real issue. Here I was appalled when the parent of one of DD's nursery classmates hit her in front of everyone and made no bones about saying so. The teacher just laughed and seemed to think I was a crazy European.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/05/2014 20:53

We have a breadknife with a sheath thing that goes around the handle so you could hold it and hit a child with the handle I think.

(Obviously I have never tried.)

Lozzie12 · 07/05/2014 21:49

I'm not sure if school will act as it's third hand. You can report anonymously to social services.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/05/2014 22:00

Wibblypig: We saw an American father beating his teenage son outside the AnneFrankhuis some years back. The most chilling thing was what he said while doing it: "You think you can win? (whack) You think you know best? (whack) You think you can go against my authority? (whack)".

I'll take effere European attitudes any day.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/05/2014 22:01

Effete. Sorry.

NearTheWindymill · 07/05/2014 22:16

Invite the child for tea and ask the DGM to collect. Have a chat with both, see how they interract together. You need some more information.

I have always affectionately hit my dd over the head with a cucumber (tapped as a joke) and I've tapped both on the back of the legs with a serving spoon (esp when cold). It's a family joke, doesn't hurt and has become a bit of a custom.

I can quite imagine in Y1 dd saying to someone "my mummy hits me on the head with a cucumber and smacks and me and db on the legs with a spoon".

I can also imagine some eejit misinterpreting and reporting us completely out of context to social services.

FGS find out a bit more before you do anything or have a non contentious word with the teacher first.

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2014 22:19

I would mention it to the school. Wouldn't contact ss on the basis of something 1 6 year old told another without any other concerns ( or at least hearing first hand).

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