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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect 8yo child to use cutlery

29 replies

merlotwhine · 07/05/2014 15:32

Hi,

My 8yo DD has been taught how to use cutlery since she was a toddler but is still totally unwilling to use it. She will occasionally use it for certain foods which are difficult to pick up, but I've seen her pick up a handful of peas, tip her head back and shove them in. She is reminded to use her cutlery but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I really don't like her eating with her hands, especially when we're in a restaurant and/or we have company. Anyone have any tips for getting her to listen to me and use her cutlery? Thanks

OP posts:

SpringBreaker · 07/05/2014 15:33

take her food away from her if she wont use table manners.. you are the adult, you are in charge of discipline

Jjou · 07/05/2014 15:34

Watching with interest - my 6 yo DD does the same, it's really irritating. I don't want dinner to be a litany of nagging, but I do expect basic table manners! But to no avail
I might be heading back to the days of star charts...

Mrsjayy · 07/05/2014 15:37

i would take her dinner away tbh she is able she is refusing,and ignoring however things like peas are hard though give her a spoon and I wouldnt worry about a knife either they can struggle,

SEmyarse · 07/05/2014 15:37

Nope. I've got a 17yo and every single meal for about 16 years has been dominated by me attempting to get him to eat with cutlery. Mostly now he chooses to eat separately because he knows I won't tolerate the chimp behaviour.

He actually came to me recently and told me I was right!!! Everyone on a college trip was taking the piss because he couldn't use cutlery properly. He says he's trying to make himself now, but every time I see him, and he doesn't think I'm watching, he still just shovels in with his hands.

Original poster

merlotwhine · 07/05/2014 15:38

SpringBreaker, I think that might be a good idea. DD has many behavioural problems which all seem to stem from a lack of respect for authority. Since I've identified this, I've been struggling to regain control in certain situations but I'm really eager to get mealtimes sorted

Jjou, glad it's not just me :)

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2014 15:38

You tell her that if she doesn't do as she's told, she's going to be punished, surely?

This is the reason why the year 6 teachers are now eating school dinners with their pupils at my son's school...because lots of 10 and 11yr old children aren't even attempting to use cutlery.

iseenodust · 07/05/2014 15:39

Do a week of soup, casserole, curry, scrambled egg, etc. You get the idea and the habit of using cutlery will start to take hold.

SEmyarse · 07/05/2014 15:39

oh, and taking dinner away didn't work. He doesn't like eating, never has, so any excuse not to have dinner (or junk for that matter) was just a bonus in his eyes.

iseenodust · 07/05/2014 15:41

Also if you don't already, insist she sits at a table to eat for every meal.

Mrsjayy · 07/05/2014 15:42

my dd has co ordination problem cutlery is a bind for her she uses them the wrong way round for a start but i am not bothered and I said she could use her hands if she needed too, but fork or spoon (when she was younger ) when she could,

PrincessBabyCat · 07/05/2014 15:45

For the longest time I would use my hands to put food on my fork because otherwise it would just slide all over the plate. I still can't eat rice on a plate Does she have enough coordination to get things like peas on a fork?

Original poster

merlotwhine · 07/05/2014 15:52

PrincessBabyCat, she can use a spoon for peas. I totally get how coordination issues can be a factor for some kids, must be so frustrating for them :( I'd hope she'd be using a fork to pick up chips for example though

OP posts:

HolidayCriminal · 07/05/2014 15:56

I have similar trouble with DC3 who is almost 10. Not the other 3 kids, just DC3. We cajole nag remind punish, he's resolute the moment our backs are turned back to shovelling it in (in a fashion that would be completely acceptable in most of the world, mind). He has major tantrums about lots of things until somebody gets shouted at & finally he'll calm down & be cooperative. It's like he seeks out conflict (my unspoken nickname for him is Loki, determined to sow chaos in his wake). So basically, he has a hang-up about creating conflict & I have bigger battles with him & he has bigger problems than a bit of finger eating.

I share your pain & i'm sure they'll come good in the end.

CrystalSkulls · 07/05/2014 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 07/05/2014 16:00

what does she say when you ask/tell her to use her fork does she just ignore you,

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 07/05/2014 16:10

Plastic toddler plate, a bib plus a fork and pusher. If the child isn't "big" enough to eat like an eight year-old then they get treated like a toddler and get to eat like one. Especially effective when their little play-mates get to come round and share a meal.

familygermsareok · 07/05/2014 16:10

My 9 year old also ignores cutlery and uses hands when he thinks he can get away with it. No co-ordination or behavioural problems, he just prefers hands. He is a fussy eater and mainly survives on plain pasta (no sauce), bread and veges/salad. I keep reminding him and end up shouting at him some days, he will use a fork for a bit then revert to type.
He does use cutlery in restaurants however, and assures me he also does round friends houses ( if he doesn't!).

No helpful suggestions other than usual disciplinary ones, remove treats, add reward as appropriate, etc .

HolidayCriminal it's a good point that much of the rest of the world wouldn't use cutlery anyway! I will console myself with that thought while trying to encourage DS to engage with local customs and pick up his fork .

winklewoman · 07/05/2014 16:13

Crikey, you are brave. Have you read the other similar thread? Whatever you do, do not attempt to limit your DD's icecream rations, and in any case it will all be your fault.
here

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 07/05/2014 16:13

We insist our 8 year old uses cutlery including a knife and she is expected to cut up her own food now. If she uses her fingers she has to get down from the table and wash her hands. It isn't perfect but she is getting there. (unless it is finger food - chicken legs etc excused!).

Spoons for peas!

or a knife!!

'I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on the knife.'

wheresthelight · 07/05/2014 16:26

Had same issue with mu dsc's, we had weeks of rows and they quite simply got told (once I had taught them at 8 and 10 how to use it) that if they expected to eat they used it. No cutlery no dinner and straight to bed. Worked in a few mealtimes

Cerisier · 07/05/2014 16:37

DD's boyfriend age 18 is still getting to grips with cutlery as our house is the only place he uses it. DD has to cope with chopsticks at his house.

PrincessBabyCat · 07/05/2014 16:42

I'd hope she'd be using a fork to pick up chips for example though

That took me a moment to wrap my mind around. Here in the states chips (or as we call them "french fries") are finger foods.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/05/2014 16:43

Winkle you beat me to it.

You will also need to psycho-analyse your DD's behaviour as something must be causing the refusal to use cutlery!

MuttonCadet · 07/05/2014 16:44

Don't worry winkle, this is a proper mum posting, not one of those awful step monsters.

winklewoman · 07/05/2014 16:59

Of course, Mutton, that makes all the difference and probably explains the absence on this thread of the more vociferous posters on the other.

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