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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to organise DS' birthday….

23 replies

worriedabout · 06/05/2014 14:57

A short while ago DS expressed an interest in having his birthday party at the local zoo. I said no for the basic reason too expensive to invite whole class and I don't like the thought of leaving people out. So I gave him a choice: family day to zoo or whole class birthday party.

Well now it is the time of year to plan the darn thing and he still keeps on saying he wants to have a small birthday party - just with his close friends though. So far in his school all the birthday parties have been whole class affairs.

Because of the dilemma I can't face organising it. I hate the thought of leaving kids out who have invited us to their parties. So the dilemma is do I organise it the way he wants to or do I invite the whole class?

OP posts:

PeachandRaspberry · 06/05/2014 14:59

Whole class parties decline as the years go on. Someone has to be the first, and no one reasonable would judge.

Send in a bag of sweets to be shared out (is that still allowed?) if you feel guilty.

RunningOutOfIdeas · 06/05/2014 15:01

How old is your DS?

My DD1 is 6. She has been invited to some whole class parties and several that are smaller. Her own party was with 11 friends - some from her class and some friends at other schools. DD understands that she will not be invited to all parties and she could not invite everyone.

I think it is generally accepted that you either invite the whole class or less than half. Big problems arise if for example all boys except one are invited.

Thetallesttower · 06/05/2014 15:04

It's your son's birthday so it would be very odd indeed to make him have a whole class party if he doesn't want one. Whoever said they decline is right, mine haven't been to one for quite a while now, and even when 5/6 there were some parents who had a small tea party at home or a party for 8 at the local playcentre.

Go with what he wants, with the proviso that you don't leave one child out say of the boys. I would work out what you can afford, where it should be and ask him to write a list of friends.

TeenAndTween · 06/05/2014 15:05

I've never done whole class parties.

I've never insisted on reciprocal invites either, as DD would then have had her party full of returns for whole class invites, and not her friends.

Let him have what he wants, a few friends to the zoo. Just make sure it's not leaving out just 1 or 2 boys from his class.
And hand invites out discretely in playground.

Thetallesttower · 06/05/2014 15:05

As for inviting back, not everyone does that at all, I didn't invite every child who had a whole class party if we were having a small party for say 6 plus my two. It's not financially doable for most people.

I think you are overthinking this, do something your child will love and remember.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 06/05/2014 15:07

Let him have the party he wants. I have never done whole class parties. Taking one or two good friends to the zoo isn't the same as leaving a few children out of a big party.

wonderingsoul · 06/05/2014 15:08

Never been to a whole class party and I think your really bu to say no to your child over thia just because you dont want upset other people...

Its your childs Party... Not the others

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/05/2014 15:12

It's your sons birthday - let him pick a small handful of friends and give him his day at the zoo. If only a few kids are going it's not exclusion and if people get upset then they need to get a life.

THEBESTPIGEVER · 06/05/2014 15:12

I wouldn't worry honestly. They tend to start off as whole class parties, then it seems to be either boys or girls, then it's just a few friends. So it can be whatever you want it to be. No one takes offence. We've had people to parties, but not been invited to theirs (don't take it personally - MUCH!!!). But it's life and it's what happens. My only exception is if you're planning on leaving one or two from the class or boys/girls out. That is a bit mean. But if you're taking half the boys/class etc or just a few - that is perfectly acceptable.

kukeslala · 06/05/2014 15:41

Could you go to the Zoo and he chooses a friend to go also?

Nocomet · 06/05/2014 16:07

Honestly no one will mind.
We did big party's for a few years, then just the girls because school has split years and DD2 ended up with friends in the year above and below, there were also some girl sibling pairs and the numbers just worked.

Later smaller groups and finally just a couple of dFs to sleep over.

HolidayCriminal · 06/05/2014 16:12

If you keep the numbers fairly small no one will mind.
Whole class parties here are virtually unheard of.

Nanny0gg · 06/05/2014 16:46

You're only leaving children out if you have nearly the whole class.

But it's absolutely fine to only invite a few if that's what he wants.

neolara · 06/05/2014 16:51

I suspect most of the parents will want to kiss you for letting them off the hook for having a whole class party.

We have never done whole class parties. House isn't big enough and I don't want to entertain lots of kids my dcs don't talk to. They don't get invited to everyone else's parties. It's fine and perfectly normal to only have a few kids round.

NewNameForSpring · 06/05/2014 18:10

I never have and never would have a whole class party. I can't imagine anything worse.

GoldenGytha · 06/05/2014 18:20

My DDs are nearly 23 and 21,

We never had whole class parties, and most of them were just in the house, with a few games and some party food,

The birthday girl got to invite maybe 5 friends, and whoever's birthday it wasn't got to invite 1 friend.

So maybe about 6 in total were invited, no one else ever did whole class parties either.

Original poster

worriedabout · 07/05/2014 11:45

Where we live everyone seems to do whole class parties. In fact this year has been a stream of parties.

He is 5 in a few weeks. He already has a really strong sense of who his friends are and who he enjoys playing with. Thanks for your advice - much needed and appreciated.

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/05/2014 11:48

YABU for trying to force him to have a whole class party.

Id let him pick three friends and take them all to the zoo.

ThisIsLID · 07/05/2014 11:51

Ime you will only upset another child/parent if you invite 28 children out of 30, ie you have very clearly singled out two of the children.
My dcs at that age or similar have had a few friends around only, just the boys and the whole class depending on how they felt/the activity involved.

If he wants to have a few selected friends, so be it!

Note: there is no way I would have organised a party for the whole class at home. As for everyone else, I had it at a soft play (bowling etc when older) as I couldn't face it.

Thetallesttower · 07/05/2014 11:53

It can seem at this age as if everyone does whole class parties, but they don't- you won't go to 29 parties in a year, honest!

Plus this trend for whole class parties is often because the parents want to invite everyone and try to make friends. Once they are more established, this dies off a lot. I don't think we had many invites after aged 7/8 for the whole class.

He sounds a thoughtful little chap who knows who his friends are and what he'd like to do for his birthday. Have fun!

DIYtrainee · 07/05/2014 11:56

So Reception? Whole of class parties is common early in the year as it takes time for friendships to form and you don't really know who your children are friends with.

As the year goes on, they start to dwindle down to smaller parties.

Also, Pay per Head type parties seem to be smaller, village hall parties tended to be whole of class. Cost factor, really.

MrsRuffdiamond · 07/05/2014 12:01

Honestly no one will mind.

I know exactly why you're so twitchy about it op!

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2014 12:04

I think this whole class party thing is getting a bit silly if it means a child can't have the sort of party they'd really like.

Just because other parents insist on the whole class thing, doesn't mean you have to follow them OP.

My kids used to have about 12 to a party...out of a class of 25 and it never caused an issue.

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