I just want to be satisfied with my life.

[AngelsInWinter]

No matter what happens, I never seem happy. Half the time i'm thinking about the past with rose tinted glasses on wishing I could travel back there. The other half I'm wondering how rubbish my future will be. It's a horribleness, vicious circle.

I've got three beautiful DC - but instead of truly enjoying them, I either curse myself for not sticking at 1 or 2 (easier life) or am desperately broody for a 4th.

I'm a SAHM - but instead of enjoying that I beat myself up for not completing my degree when I was younger (can't go back to uni as I've used up my student loan - and for nothing!).

I have a lovely house - but I feel sad that we don't own it and never will.

I have a DP who loves me to pieces - yet I wonder if I'm "settling" because he/his family are the complete opposite to me and while I used to find it endearing, I'm losing patience with it all.

I've had some counselling. In fact it was finished early because I was doing so well but now I'm sitting here while everyone sleeps trying not to cry.

If anyone is wondering, yes I had a horrible childhood. My mother is the most negative person I know! Don't want to be like her...

I know AIBU - but how can I learn to enjoy the moment? In fact, enjoy my life?

Hi Angels, I relate to a lot of your post. I am so unhappy all the time and it wears me out. I find it so hard to stay in the moment - I'm either rehashing something about the past in my head, or predicting something (usually negative) about the future. I am exhausted from it.

I was going to ask about your childhood I have huge issues with mine too, emotional abuse etc etc. I completely understand your desire to not turn out like your mother.

I am having a really bad day today and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I do have good days though and I think they are getting more frequent. What's helping me most is psychotherapy - it's been almost 4 years and is the most painful thing I have ever done, but it's helping me to become stronger than I ever thought I would be capable of. A short course of counselling is just not going to touch the sides if you have years of emotional pain to uncover and process. I can't recommend therapy enough. It's a slow process but the most rewarding work I have ever done.

I find something else that helps is taking care of myself - eating well, exercising regularly, drinking lots of water, getting as much sleep as possible, cutting down on sugar and booze and caffeine. And praising myself, even for the smallest thing, like remembering to take an umbrella on a rainy day! Getting into the habit of talking to myself like I'm my own best friend has made me more resilient.

Loads of sympathy and I hope that things get better. If you need to cry, the best thing to do is to let it out, honestly. It feels horrible at the time but you may well feel relieved afterwards. Feelings are better out than in!

I don't think being happy is a simple switch that you can turn on. I think we expect too much of ourselves, our children, our DH. I think in this modern world we are always searching for more, better, different and it's hard to accept just being happy with the hand we have been dealt.

I can emphasise with all you have written and can feel exactly the same as you. But sometimes I have days when I feel so lucky that I have a home, a healthy child and a husband that I'm overwhelmed by how lucky I am.

Do you have days when you can appreciate all you have too?

I read the book 'the art of happiness' by the Dalai Lama and I'm not a religious person but this book just caught my eye in the bookshop and it has helped the way I look at the world. Have positive mantras that make you feel positive, display them around your house. It's all about empathy.

I watch documentaries about people living in slums, orphanages in Africa, children taken away from the world far too soon from diseases and it helps me see my life in a better perspective.

I think more people think like this than you know, we need to make ourselves happy by appreciating the tiny little things and just keep on powering through. Harder to say than do. Xxx

Hey, Lotta. Wow, very similar!

Yes, lots of emotional abuse here, too - based around the theme that I wasn't good enough, wasn't wanted, and there to be criticised/bullied/used as a convenient scapegoat.

And I'm constantly thinking how "amazing" my teens were and how I miss them - even though I wasn't happy then, either

How did you get into therapy? I have good days, too (good to hear you do :) ) but on the bad ones I often post on here...

Thanks for reading/understanding :) I have started eating better, too!

I just did a Google search for 'psychotherapists in ' and made email contact with one. I knew I would prefer to see a woman so I went for a female therapist who was based in an area I could travel to easily. I made email contact with her and arranged an appointment and 4 years later I still see her weekly. She's fab and I trust her completely. Not everyone clicks with their first therapist though so it may be a bit of trial and error.

I'd get on with your life. Do you wAnt a job? Do you want to complete your degree? OU is an option. Learn salsa? Cook?

Life isn't exactly what I thought it would be -three DC, two degrees (one a distinction) career behind me and a p/t job in a call centre working nights. Was called a cunt last week by a lovely pt. we never quite have enough money.

But fuck it. Life's too short. Focus on yourself and do some stuff that you will enjoy

Mindfulness may be your friend. It helps you live in the moment and see all the things we miss while our minds are busy ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. It takes a bit of commitment to learn how to use the techniques but after a few months it becomes second nature. There are some good resources here and here or i would recommend this book, if you think you may be interested in giving it a go. It is also available as a course via the nhs in many areas, so might be worth seeing if you can access it in your area.

Ruby Wax's book www.amazon.co.uk/Sane-New-World-Taming-Mind/dp/1444755757/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1399387941&sr=8-1&keywords=ruby+wax might help. It's about mindfulness, and how she cures her depression.

She had a difficult childhood, in fact I think her mother was like yours. But you probably also need to come to terms with your childhood through counseling or reading self help books, or the stately homes thread.

Wonderful - I've just bought this book but haven't started it yet

you might need to start by accepting you are the type of person that is never satisfied.

but that's a good thing because you need dissatisfaction you drive yourself forwards to lead a better life. I don't want to be contented like a cow happily eating grass my whole life.