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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my cousin the truth?

25 replies

TheRealSantanaLopez · 05/05/2014 21:58

My cousin's DS (7) is a child model and aspiring actor. He takes part in beauty pageants, spends his weekends at various classes doing inappropriate dance moves and is taken out of school every second week for various auditions.

She keeps posting Facebook videos and pictures and a tally is definitely kept on who likes and comments. Whenever you see her the first question is 'Did you see DS on Facebook?' I've been using the 'too busy to go on' excuse but now she whips out the phone and shows you them anyway.

I don't want to validate her. I don't think it's appropriate at all. But I will only get myself in bother by saying what I think, won't I?

OP posts:
Twighlightsparkle · 05/05/2014 22:02

id be tempted to just like the pics but not really pay any attention to it.

i wouldnt want to cause a family rift, a friend i would delete

RhondaJean · 05/05/2014 22:06

I actually have an issue with your comment about th dance classes. What do you mean by inappropriate moves? He's doing an activity which will lead to him being fitter and healthier, I don't think you should be sneering about that at all.

Can you arrange to attend a dance performance?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/05/2014 22:08

Im struggling to see what is inappropriate? The son doing the classes? The mother plastering it all on FB? The constant nagging for you to watch and Like saod videos? You need to be more explicit.

Original poster
TheRealSantanaLopez · 05/05/2014 22:10

Inappropriate moves- Pitbull, Blurred Lines, thrusting, girls draped over him like some terrible rap video. It's horrendous. I've been to one show and that was enough Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealSantanaLopez · 05/05/2014 22:10

It's all annoying, but I think the style of dance at the classes and the beauty pageants are particularly inappropriate.

OP posts:
Catsize · 05/05/2014 22:51

Sounds pretty grim. Would be nice to feel able to say 'yes, I did see it. It isn't my kind of thing though, watching children dance provocatively and placing so much importance on appearance. Makes me sad and uncomfortable'.

Or, more simply...

'Yes, I did see it. I can't believe they made him do that, how awful!'.

HolidayCriminal · 06/05/2014 05:52

I'd tell her the truth. Probably explains why I'm a friendless cow, but I'd tell the truth.

diddl · 06/05/2014 06:40

Put a comment under each pic "seen", "seen"...

Or when she asks why you didn't "like" tell her because you don't actually like them.

Or give her a Hmm face & tell her to grow up!

ThePriory · 06/05/2014 08:34

I'm with the others and I would probably say something like "I'm more of a fan of the traditional styles of dance, but all this gyrating and twerking... not a fan!, sorry!"

limitedperiodonly · 06/05/2014 10:44

I will only get myself in bother by saying what I think, won't I?

Yes.

FWIW, I disapprove of the things you describe, but I also disapprove of people who cause upset under the guise of telling a few home truths over something that's not really any of their business.

Goldmandra · 06/05/2014 10:47

but I also disapprove of people who cause upset under the guise of telling a few home truths over something that's not really any of their business.

The cousin is insisting on it being the OP's business by soliciting her opinion at every opportunity.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 06/05/2014 10:55

well I suppose it depends on what your relationship is like with your cousin.

Can you not say something like " well personally it's not for me but as long as you and your DS are happy with it" - you never know, she may ask why it is not for you and you can explain in a nice manner the way you feel about it - just don't come over judgemental.

Either that or next time she whips out her phone for you to look at, yawn and let your eyes glaze over, after a few attempts she should get the hint. I had a friend whose son did gymnastics...hours and hours and hours of it.....she was a right bore but in the end went and bored someone else.

WhoNickedMyName · 06/05/2014 10:59

I think ThePriory has come up with the most diplomatic response - gets your view across without being confrontational or coming across as judgey.

redandchecker · 06/05/2014 11:00

If she's this bothered by it all and seems fairly 'obsessed' with it then I wouldn't say anything.

I wouldn't like anything if you don't condone it and I would hide it from my newsfeed so I don't have to see it. It's her kid, and it sounds as though she won't appreciate your point of view.

I would nod along when she shows you the videos but if it were me I'd comment on the girls draping over, etc with 'wow, isn't he a bit young!?'

limitedperiodonly · 06/05/2014 11:00

People bring things to my attention all the time goldmandra. Saying 'Mmm', changing the subject then escaping usually works for me unless it's something I truly object to.

Only OP can judge whether this issue is worth starting a row and possibly a family feud over.

Maybe it is to her. It wouldn't be to me.

fuzzpig · 06/05/2014 11:04

Surely there's some pictures/video that aren't inappropriate? If so, you should probably 'like' those ones. Then if she asks you if you saw the other (inappropriate) ones you can say yes, I saw them. If she still asks you why you didn't 'like' them then she's a high maintenance weirdo you can tell her

fuzzpig · 06/05/2014 11:05

Or of course you could say "the like button is for when you actually, you know, like something" :o

Summerbreezing · 06/05/2014 11:06

I would just do a vague 'oh yeah nice' kind of comment while not looking terribly interested. Hopefully she will get the hint. If it was my sister's child I would probably say something more explicit, but not to a cousin. I do think those kids beauty pageants are horrendous though, and should be banned.

Nocomet · 06/05/2014 11:07

I wouldn't begin to tell her I judged the appropriateness of the the style of dancing.

I'd just politely, and truthfully, say I find all little children's dance displays and drama pieces pretty dull and having to go to my own children's is quite sufficient.

"Honestly,I'm sure your DS is very clever, but I haven't time to watch every video you post."

Goldmandra · 06/05/2014 12:56

limited, you appear to be implying that the OP is keen to use this situation as an excuse to stick her nose into someone else's business and stick in her twopenn'orth, whereas she is actually looking for ways to avoid expressing an honest opinion without being seen to condone something she feels is really inappropriate.

I'm not sure this cousin is the type to let her get away with just saying 'Mmm' and changing the subject.

I suspect that the cousin is aware that there are aspects to this activity that make some people feel uncomfortable and she is protecting herself by insisting that family members validate it, secure in the knowledge that they won't want to cause a row by expressing their true feelings.

PrincessBabyCat · 06/05/2014 13:03

I would just politely inform her that not everyone is going to worship and adore her hump trophy. Grin

At least she hasn't made him his own fan page yet?

5Foot5 · 06/05/2014 13:17

Inappropriate moves- Pitbull, Blurred Lines, thrusting, girls draped over him like some terrible rap video.

They have 7 year olds doing that!!?? Horrendous. And I had no idea that these ghastly beauty pageants were inflicted on little boys as well as little girls.

YANBU for feeling the way you do but I am not sure what you can do without causing a row other than keep on being evasive.

Gobsmacked though.

Original poster
TheRealSantanaLopez · 06/05/2014 14:06

At least she hasn't made him his own fan page yet?

Oh god that's the next thing Shock

No, it's not worth causing a feud it's just so damn irritating to evade all the time.

Although this has been very cathartic, cheers.

OP posts:
Joylin · 06/05/2014 16:34

I'd just say I'm not interested and if she pushed it or got offended explain that children are only fascinating to their parents.

falulahthecat · 06/05/2014 17:59

I would give anyone else the advice to stay quiet, non-committal and just stick to not being enthusiastic, but this > Inappropriate moves- Pitbull, Blurred Lines, thrusting, girls draped over him like some terrible rap video. It's horrendous. I've been to one show and that was enough shock < sort of crap makes me sick, and if it were me I'd have already said something by now! It's completely unnecessary to have children behave like that, I went to loads of dance and acting classes as a child and I don't recall draping myself over anyone, or being thrust at, for that matter! Hmm

Teenagers and stuff, fine, as long as it's clear it's not 'real life', but having 7 year olds dance provocatively to Blurred Lines is misguided and makes me feel very uncomfortable..... That's my two cents, anyways!

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