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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect another family to be more prepared on our daytrip out?

54 replies

DirtyDripSpout · 05/05/2014 21:07

Have name changed for this.

I bumped into a friend of mine who I haven't seen for a while. She suggested we meet up on the Bank Holiday, together with another mutual friend, and the three families could have a picnic lunch and a walk at a National Trust place.

On the Friday - all details are confirmed. We decide to meet up at mutual friends house and all leave together.

However today, an hour before the meetup time, she tells mutual friend she cannot make it - she has had a busy weekend, and needs some 'me time' - but will send her DH and kids to join in the walk. Her Dh and kids turn up 45 mins late - with no picnic - but 4 cornflake crispie cakes to share between 7 children . Her DH announces that they didn't have time to go the shops or make sandwiches. So mutual friend kindly rustles up extra sandwiches etc, and luckily I have also brought a few extra. However neither of us have enough water or juice for old friend's DH and children. Then old friend's DH announces he has to first stop off at the petrol station. However he doesn't think to buy any extra food or drinks.

The delays mean that by the time we arrive at the National Trust place, it is almost lunchtime. So we have our picnic, sharing everything we have with old friend's Dh and kids. As there is not enough water, we end up having to buy extra from the local National Trust cafe. Old friend's DH announces he only has £3 and therefore cannot buy his own children ice creams and water. So we end up buying theirs too.

AIBU to think the old friend could have made an effort to be more organised - especially as she was spending the day having her much needed 'me-time' anyway, and as it was all her original idea too? AIBu to think her DH at the very least could have brought some cash or took the opportunity at the service station to buy some extra food and water?Mutual friend wants us all to go ski-ing together next year - but this whole event has put me right off the idea.

OP posts:

MissDuke · 05/05/2014 21:52

I took it to be 7 children altogether and that they claimed the buns were for them all to share.

cozietoesie · 05/05/2014 21:52

I'd be thinking there was a bad problem in that marriage/family although it's difficult for you to stand back and see things when you're in the middle of a developing situation. Well done for keeping things going - and don't make any plans for mutual skiing trips.

everlong · 05/05/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purpleroxy · 05/05/2014 21:55

I think it's "on her" because she arranged the event, she was not merely an attendee but the organiser. But it is actually irrelevant.

Anyway, the husband and wife both sound a bit flakey and I would not consider going on holiday with them. That is the most relevant thing - the rest you can just put down to experience.

CrohnicallyHungry · 05/05/2014 22:00

I thought maybe they had a blazing row! But either way I wouldn't want to go on holiday with them.

Original poster

DirtyDripSpout · 05/05/2014 22:01

Yes - 7 children between all the families!

OP posts:

Falconi · 05/05/2014 22:01

I know people like this, grown adults with children to, it is unbelievable.
Even though things are organised well in advance, they are always late, rushing, forgetting cash, cards, tickets, food, you name it.

I just don't make plans with this sort of people anymore.

Original poster

DirtyDripSpout · 05/05/2014 22:06

I had not considered a row. They always seemed very together.

The money is irrelevant. I'm more concerned about their disorganisation and the prospective ski-ing holiday.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/05/2014 22:13

Do not go on a skiing holiday with them, it will be a nightmare. They sound like the kind of people who bugger off out of the chalet trilling 'oh you won't mind dropping ours a ski-school when you take yours will you? Byeeeee!!'

You will end up paying for their lunch, drinks, and god knows what else. Do not do it.

cozietoesie · 05/05/2014 22:15

I'd forget any thought of a holiday with them.

In any case, I expect things might change fairly quickly there - and with that.

Falconi · 05/05/2014 22:16

The most together looking couples I have ever met, are not staying together.
Sad.

eddielizzard · 05/05/2014 22:17

i would also put brakes on the ski holiday.

but i also think a fight sounds likely. but then she'd come with the kids and not the dh.

the whole thing is off. if she wanted me time you don't shaft your friends with looking after your kids and dh and sorting all the crap out.

ThatsAStupidUsername · 05/05/2014 22:27

It sounds like they were very disorganised and thoughtless but I wonder if you could have managed it better. I think I would have been a bit bossier - I would have told them to meet at the NT property once I realised they were running late.

I've a lot of experience with this type of person. In my extensive experience they never improve.

Swisskissingisbetterthenfrench · 05/05/2014 22:31

If its a one off bad day, let it go.

PansOnFire · 05/05/2014 22:36

Sounds like they've had a row, friend has refused to go so her DH has taken the children, perhaps the children knew about the trip and they didn't want to disappoint them or something.

YANBU to be annoyed but I'd just let it go this time, it doesn't quite add up and they don't sound like they're in a good place. However, I'd be very wary of future arrangements and would absolutely not have a holiday with them.

weatherall · 05/05/2014 22:39

Why are you annoyed at the friend rather than the dh?

You don't need a vagina to make sandwiches.

PurplePunkPrincess · 05/05/2014 22:43

A bad day is not a good excuse, he would have had to have fed them if he had just taken them out on his own for a few hours.

Me time? Yes obviously we are all entitled to that, but not during the time when you had arranged to meet friends and take your kids out!

Twighlightsparkle · 05/05/2014 22:46

sounds like somethings going on behind the scenes.

contact you friend and check all is ok

SolitudeSometimesIs · 05/05/2014 22:47

weatherall you are a poet.

"You don't need a vagina to make sandwiches"

Spat my wine out when I read that!

usualsuspectt · 05/05/2014 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/05/2014 23:04

TBH I'd be annoyed with the friend too. She invited the OP, mutual friend and families to this day out. It wouldn't have happened without her instigating the whole thing. And then, at one hour's notice, she informs mutual friend that she needs some 'me time' and won't be there to the meet-up that she organised ? 'Me time' ? WTF! Rude, rude, rude, so yes I'd be fucked off with her. And then to have to babysit her children because her husband's useless/doesn't give a toss ? Yes, I'd be bloody annoyed with her, even if her 'me time' was due to marital strife it's still rude to dump on your friends like that.

cozietoesie · 05/05/2014 23:08

Oh it's rude and thoughtless as all get out. Bad enough with grownups but when there are children involved who have to depend on their adults in so many ways......

Hopefully, the OP won't be going on any more outings or holidays with that family though.

gilliangoof · 05/05/2014 23:08

I think they probably had an argument. Not turning up to the day out she organised doesn't make any sense. Her DH maybe wasn't aware of the plans until she left him to meet her friends on his own. He probably should have thought to bring a bit of cash though.

To the pps who thought he should have used his cards - a lot of NT properties don't accept cards.

I would not go on holiday with them.

HolidayCriminal · 05/05/2014 23:11

I sure would't go skiing with them. Something going on behind the scenes for sure.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 06/05/2014 00:03

There must be something going on behind the scenes. I would ring her and suss out that she is OK...

But skiing. Mmmm. Well, you have inkling as to what they may be like. At least your would be forewarned. You could still have fun on a trip with them, but make sure to keep things as separate as possible. I'd stay in hotel rather than chalet. And make arrangements to meet up on the slopes, restaurant, etc, and proceed as planned if they happen to be late.

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