to get pissed off that its always assumed i will drive

[elvenbread]

I have a friend who does not drive. She lives half an hour drive from me. There are good bus and train links between our towns so it wouldn't take her too much longer to use public transport. I don't mind picking her up and dropping her back occasionally but obviously it takes an hour of my time (there and back).
I am so tired of it now. She never offers petrol money when we go somewhere further away e.g.last weekend we went for a weekend away and I drove 120 miles.
She's never on time for anything either so I will pick her up and she won't be ready.
I just wish she would realise that just because I drive and she doesn't, doesn't mean I enjoy going out of my direction to pick her up.

She even bashed my car door against another car when getting in last weekend. Luckily nothing was damaged but I was fuming as it could have been my insurance that would go up.

Aibu to be pissed off. Wwyd?

She's onto a good thing with you, ain't she ?

I don't drink alcohol and my friends always insist on chucking in a few extra pounds if they have been drinking wine. It's the polite thing to do and I would do the same if I had ordered dessert and they hadn't.

It's basic manners.

I would ask for a seperate bill and I wouldn't pick up the friend up. I don't like being taken advantage of. I think I am a good friend to my friends, I am really happy to help them out but I won't be taken advantage of and I am don't mind saying no to people when I don't want to do something. It's better in the long run as you don't start feeling resentful.

YANBU. We don't have a car (by choice but can drive) and never ask for lifts from anyone. We get a taxi if we really need acar to get somewhere.

Sanityclause I don't see why I should take public transport myself. I pay for my car so I can drive myself from a to b. At the moment I am on my last installmentS which are £300 for the next few months. It would be daft to fork out for public transport on top of that.

I think you just have to challenge the assumption that you're going to drive everywhere and cover all of the costs. Next time you're planning a trip, just let them know their share of the cost - you can do it casually, no need to make a big thing of it. "It's around x miles in total, so I make that around £x each for the petrol, is that ok with everyone?"

Regarding the drop off, again, no need to make a big thing of it. Just ask "would you mind making your way over to mine before we leave, A, so that I won't have to spend quite so long behind the wheel?"

Your friend is being thoughtless at best, or just taking the piss at worst, but you are allowing it to happen. If you make your position clear, at least you'll know where you stand. If it's just her being thoughtless, she will hopefully realise and change her approach. If she doesn't like the new deal, them perhaps you don't need her as a friend anyway?

You are so NBU - start offering to meet her there because you have a long boring appointment first!

Funnily enough I have the opposite problem.. I don't drive and get buses everywhere that is too far to walk. I'm good at buses now! But people seem aghast that I have to 'suffer' public transport. I'm meeting some friends on friday for dinner - they've chosen a slightly tricky - but not impossible - to get to pub and I've already checked the bus and know which one and how long it will take. But I just know that when I get there, at least two people will tell me I should have asked them for a lift - even though it will be out of their way!

I think sometimes non drivers don't always get how inconvenient it is for drivers or how much petrol use age adds up.

In the autumn I picked my friend up who lives 8 lies south for me to drive past my house to go walking up a mountain. I then had to go past my house to take her home and come back again.
It was only when I was drove past y house on the way home it began to grate on me.

I made a comment that we had done 175 miles that day ( my friend hadn't even thought about the cost of petrol.) once I told her the mileage it did jolt her and she insisted that I had 20 quid. Now when we go out and I drive she pays the parking and buys lunch.
I feel happier now.

Thats a good point about petrol costs - they vary so much as well, so non-drivers might think "Oh it's only a few miles away, it won't cost her much". We have two old bangers, they owe us nothing and still run so no point binning them but at 20 mpg it costs 30p a mile for us to go anywhere.

We have really been having to limit our travel (difficult when DH has a long commute) because of the cost.

Think of it this way, HMRC allow 45 pence per mile, not just for petrol, but to cover wear and tear on your car, so your 120 miles would be £54 cost.

"I think sometimes non drivers don't always get how inconvenient it is for drivers or how much petrol use age adds up."

I agree with this. Some non drivers just have no idea that if, for instance, someone goes twenty minutes out of their way to drop them home from work it could then mean another twenty minutes getting back on route and then running into heavier traffic because it's getting later which takes up even more time, and ultimately the twenty minute detour could add almost an hour onto a colleague's journey home.
People who don't drive and who consistently expect other people to give them lifts here, there and everywhere; and to always be a happy to not drink at family get togethers so they can chauffeur everyone around are a total pain, or for arrangements to totally revolve around the fact that they won't be driving are a pain.