To ask what you do to empower you DD or DS

[Serendipity30]

Just that really , what kind of things do you do or say to support your child to feel positive about themselves and empowered?

how old are we talking? I let my DD pick her clothes out, no matter how awful the ensemble, so long as she will be warm enough or able to do whatever activity, that's fine. She's 2. I know she finds it very frustrating to be so controlled by others 99% of the time so where I can give her some choice, I do.

That what ever happens I will always help and support them and because of that they can afford to make mistakes and try again.

(to my teens)

She is 9

Unconditional Love combined with boundary setting

Listen, proper listen when they talk about things that interest them and they share with you, join in if you also know about it and if not ask them to teach you more about it

Is there a reason your asking? Has something happened that is worrying you?

The one thing I always remember my mum telling me is

'tomorrow is another day. one day you will look back on these times and laugh about them'

She told me that when I was in primary school and getting severely bullied.

And she was so right, we were talking about it the other day

Give them responsibilities appropriate for their ages.

Encourage them to take responsibility for their own behaviour and to accept the consequences of their actions.

Encourage them to try new things, to challenge themselves with things they find difficult, and to do things that are outside their comfort zone.

Teach them that their self-worth and identity is independent of their appearance or intelligence.

Teach them that they cannot control how others behave towards them but they can control their own response to it.

Try to model all of the above by practising what I preach.

Also:
Accepting them the way they are.

Teaching them to be true to themselves, and not to try to change themselves to get other people's approval.

Choices. Wherever possible I offer choices, even if she's having to choose between 2 things she would rather not do.

Encouragement. When she's trying to do something and it's not working I try it stay back and nearby for the moment she's thinking and giving up and cheering her on

Rewarding effort not attainment

Trying never to let her see if I have to go behind her and gig her 'help'

Giving her support in social situations by trying to tread the line between letting them sort it out for themselves and making them do what I think is fair.

Never letting her know what the drs tell me she's not going to be able to do.

The decisions you make at school don't have to affect the rest of your life.

I fully believe we're expected to make such big decisions so young. I had a year out when I left school, evaluated where I want to be, swapped and changed quite a bit and only now am I on my way to becoming what I want to be.

Everything Three said.
Also, encourage them to do things for themselves - go and ask the person (in the shop or out on a trip) for help rather than doing it for them.
Take responsibility for themselves too - packing for themselves (initially with you standing over them, but gradually stepping back) and letting them take the consequences of forgetting things.

Letting them know I'm proud of their effort or that they've given something their all, rather than proud of results per se.

I give them a bit of independence : playing out, I let them run into the shop/garage while I wait in the car, they tidy up after themselves.

I let them sort out their own friends/ friendships. I don't interfere with the very rare fallings out with each other / friends.

I tell them never to be embarrassed if they know the answer in class/ never to hide or downplay their own knowledge.

And that there's precious little at this point in their life that can't be sorted out with a bit of a cuddle, chat & help.

I've 3 daughters - 8, 6 & 3.

Like others have said re choices and doing things for themselves.

And I tell them I have the best boy and the best girl in the world (and mean it)

I giggled at the title. Mine are 4 and 2, the thought of them being more empowered scares me. It's like living with two roman emperors already!

Praising them for their actions and effort rather than innate qualities.

For example if DD 6 has attempted something despite being afraid (recently went on a roller coaster) or worked hard on some difficult task like homework, I will make a big deal about how she challenged herself and achieved something because of her effort. I will often remind her the next time she finds something intimidatingly difficult. It's like I'm training her in CBT techniques I guess (something I have a lot of experience in...) - she is very anxious so it's important that she is empowered to help herself. :)

Great thread OP :)

My 3 yr old wont allow anyone to do anything for her.
She'd rather sit for half an hour struggling with a shoe than accept help.
She is very empowered.

Yes, I think I do some of the things mentioned, but there are lots of others I dont do. The reason I ask is because my DD's persona is a mixture of confident and sometimes very anxious. I just want to support her in boosting confidence. What activities do you think boosts confidence?

Activities that boost confidence:
An activity that helps others
An activity that challenges her to try something she finds difficult.
An activity that requires self-discipline and perseverance.
An activity that teaches her a new skill.

Examples:
Taking responsibility for a family pet.
Learning a musical instrument and sticking with it.
Training in a martial art.
Joining Brownies or Cubs.
Playing in a team sport.
Doing some shopping for a neighbour who is frail or immobile.
Planning and cooking a meal.

DD's persona is a mixture of confident and sometimes very anxious

Is she a perfectionist?

I try to make sure they know 100% DH and I will always support them in whatever they want to do or be, we will love them forever and always be proud. Basically the opposite of my parents!

We also chat about making mistakes, that everyone makes them and the important thing is what you learn from it.

Also gradually getting them to take responsibility for themselves, DS1 is 5.10 and loves to be given little jobs (helping me cook, feeding the hamster etc).

I spent all my childhood feeling like my parents were never fully behind me and I am desperate not to do that to my DCs. I don't want them to struggle with self esteem and confidence or ever feel lonely

I don't necessarily think there are specific activities - it's more about encouraging small steps. So, if she's shy, then standing next to her while she asks the librarian for help in your local library, and then praising her afterwards for the fact she sorted it out without your help, gives her an achievement or an 'overcoming of nervousness' which you point out that was worrying her, and now she's done it, it wasn't so bad, so next time she's nervous, you remind her of how it wasn't so bad, and she takes the next little step.

In terms of building a whole, rounded person and all sorts of social skills and planning skills and friendship skills etc., my dc have all thrived through being very active members of the Scouts - if you are looking for a specific activity, I couldn't recommend it highly enough

I empowered my DS1 (age 8) today by teaching him how to clean the mirror on my wardrobe after I'd discovered he'd written 'clean me (together with the short form of his name!)' in the dust on it.

I suggested that if he had time to write on it, he had time to ask me where the cleaning things were so he could do it himself