AIBU to be so annoyed with my friend/neighbour (parking related)

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

So - next door but one neighbour is having an extension built. We've lived here for 18 months and whilst I wouldn't say we were bosom buddies, we are (were) good neighbours - popped over for a coffee every now and then, I give her my DD's grown out of clothes for her DD who is nine months younger, park playdates and so on.

The problems started when her team of builders started blocking our car into our driveway. At first, it was once in a while and didn't cause too much of an issue. Then it became pretty much a daily occurrence. I told her it was causing us problems and she was very apologetic. All was well for a few weeks but it started up again a couple of weeks back. This time when I complained (and nicely, tried to explain that it's really annoying having to leave the children in the car to clamber through her garden/mud to alert a builder to the fact he needs to move a van) she has pretty much made out like DH and I have a problem and that we're making a big deal out of nothing - despite us being late for a number of appointments etc as we can't get our vehicle out.

I'm so annoyed - firstly, I'd be mortified if a contractor I'd employed was causing so much trouble for a neighbour, particularly one who was a 'friend'. Secondly, all the drives are at the back of the houses and accessed via an alley which is very clearly a no parking zone. She/her builders seem to disregard this on a daily basis. I'm not the first neighbour to complain and this morning was the final straw when I texted her to say we'd had problems again and she just texted back 'Relax' - easy for her to say when we were late again as our car was trapped by her builder's van!

So - I don't think I'm being UR but what to do? It's a pretty small community, I don't want a huge fall out, but I'm insulted to be honest. To add insult to injury, her own car was parked in her driveway this morning and she could have easily moved this so that at least one van could have parked there.

Lying - that is a good point. It's like she's just turned. When we first moved in, she was very friendly and welcoming, our DDs played together, it's only a couple of weeks since she was round at mine last. I'd understand if we'd been (quite possibly justifiably) overtly angry with her or her husband but all we've done is speak to them and then yesterday text as she didn't answer the phone and one day last week I put a note on a van blocking our driveway saying please don't park here. There's a bit of me that thinks by maintaining the moral high ground, we've been too nice. I'm sure if I'd been a big burly bloke who'd told her/the builders to do one we wouldn't have had the issues we've had. But then that's more annoying as I feel like she's taken advantage of our friendship/good nature.

Runes - I think the friendship is officially over now. If she'd been more accommodating I'd have been keen to maintain the status quo but I think it's gone too far. It's one thing allowing extra time as you know it's your neighbour and it's only temporary, it's another being inconvenienced for someone who has suddenly shown you how little they think of you. But I don't want all out neighbour wars. Grrr!

There's a bit of me that thinks by maintaining the moral high ground, we've been too nice. I'm sure if I'd been a big burly bloke who'd told her/the builders to do one we wouldn't have had the issues we've had.

That rings true to me Wibbly

A fair few years back, next door was being renovated by the new owners (we had side by side drives) and I kept getting blocked in (not good for the school run). I think on the 3rd time I asked the builder to move, I asked him why he didn't park in front of my house not blocking me in (there is space for one car on the road directly in front of my house, sometimes used by my other next door neighbours son). It turned out he had been, but had got screamed at for using her sons space . So he decided the best thing was to piss me off instead.

He carried on blocking me in until the job was done, and I kept politely asking him to move. Obviously if I'd have screamed at him I might have got my way

Actually, while I think the rest of the text is okay, I think the, "but no bother. Take care" at the end of Mimi's suggestion is pretty passive aggressive and could cause massive fallout.

It's a difficult one, but I'd go and speak to her. And park across the end of your drive for now and the builders will have to park elsewhere.

I think I'm going to have to get creative with the bins! If I park across the end of our drive, I risk getting a ticket myself if someone from the council does eventually show up (that'd be just my luck!). But, I could position our 2 bins, plus the 2 old ones which we're still waiting to have taken away, tactically, so that at least when I do go out, I'm not relying on someone else to shift a builder's van. Can't believe it's come to this!

Right - next question. We are going to bump into each other pretty regularly. What do I do/say next time? Normally we'd have always stopped for a chat. Do I say anything? Ignore her (seems petty)?

I would just be polite, Wibbly but firm - this is not going to keep on happening. You're in the right and I doubt very much that she'd accept it were the boot on the other foot. Hold your head up and if the friendship is over, well, it was no great shakes in the first place.

If you let this go, there WILL be other grabbing-of-inches. Don't let it happen, nip it in the bud now. This Wibbly's not for turning!

She's probably getting defensive because she's asked the builders not to do it, but they are ignoring her requests and there's not much else she can do about it without losing the significant amount of money she's put into this build.

She's unlikely to be inconveniencing you on purpose, and she won't be enjoying this situation either.

Ask her about the situation with the builders. Is the main man on site every day or is there a chance you could complain to the builders boss and get some action that way?

Just talk to the builders instead of the neighbour. If you get no joy with them, phone the company up and complain.

Is it the builder himself or blokes he has working for him? If it's his blokes parking there I'd be tempted to ring him and explain the situation and the problems it's caused.

Does the builder have a website/is he on yellowpages cos you could write a shitty review. Perhaps you could phone up their number and suggest that but pretend to be another pissed off neighbor so you don't get revenge response

I don't get why you see this as something that is just between you and the neighbour, and don't seem to be taking up all the suggestions here about contacting the builders direct?

I think you should stay friends with this lady. She will have no more control over the builders than you. She probably tells them every time and is not aware they do it again. It is a problem between you and builders.

When this is over you will be living with a horrid situation if you allow it to come between you. The stress of having builders in is awful so she will be stressed to the max without neighbours moaning at her for something her builders are doing as well.

Well, we've asked the builders repeatedly to move their vans every time we've been blocked in. There doesn't seem to be one project manager who is around consistently, rather different teams - one to do the foundations, one to build the walls, one to do windows etc. I suspect that as a result of this, we may well be asking people from different teams every couple of days - if that makes sense. In the absence of anyone else in charge, I'd have expected my neighbour to stress to each set of contractors where they should park (ie with a visitor permit on the road). Some vans are unmarked but their owners are obviously working there. I'll look out for any marked vans and call the companies directly. I've also got the reg numbers of a couple of vehicles that have been a total pain this week and have emailed them to our local PCSO team. Maybe them having a word will help?

cjelh - it's because up until yesterday, I'd have considered my neighbour to be more than an acquaintance. Not a best friend by any means, but someone I'd happily have a cuppa with and pass on children's clothes to etc. If the situation were to be reversed, I'd hate to think that someone working on my property was causing such trouble for various neighbours/friends. Going back, whenever I've had work done anywhere where parking has been restricted, I've always taken great pains to ensure that neighbours weren't disturbed, I've moved my car so contractors could use my space/drive etc. Yesterday morning, the builders were happy to block my car in whilst hers was on her drive. It's not exactly rocket science - surely if she moved her car, there'd be an extra space for at least one van.

The builders really don't seem to care when you ask them to move either. I'll be stressing about collecting DD from nursery in time (and I've now started leaving early to build in builder negotiation time) and they'll stroll over at the speed of a snail, obviously pissed off they've been disturbed!

No work going on today as it's Sunday but we'll see what tomorrow brings. Thanks everyone for your views.

Sorry - last comment meant for Nennypops.

cjelh - I'm sure it is stressful for her, but that's not to negate the fact that it's stressful for us too. We have banging and crashing and drilling from 7am some days, Monday to Saturday. I have a toddler and a six month old and nap times are invariably disturbed. Relaxing in the garden is not an option as there's persistent noise/dust. I can't hang out washing as it gets covered in dust. But we haven't said a thing about any of this to her as in the whole scheme of life, it's just a few months (work started October, just as I was home post c-section with a newborn) and she's not doing anything wrong by having the work done.

What does seem wrong to me, morally at least, is not doing more to help neighbours and friends who are disturbed by the work.

I'd park right at the end of the alley and block it each night so no-one can get in or out, including your neighbour and the builders. When she comes knocking on your door, just smile, tell her to relax and shut the door in her face.

Wibblypig - I'm with you.

Sure it might be stressful for your neighbour having this work done, difference is she chose the situation and she is getting the advantage of an improved property at the end of it. I'd stop giving her your DD's old clothes and I'd cool the friendship right off.

I'd do the thing with the bins as well. Sounds like a lot less hassle than having to ask a reluctant builder to move every time you want to go out.

I'm not saying it isn't hard for you, but she has them in her house from 7am, I have had a year of it at mine and you don't even have the pleasure of having the peace and quiet when they go home you are still living on a building site. - it isn't the same for you at all.
She may well be going to end up with a lovely home and OP will end up with a quiet drive but that isn't the case at the moment ROOKIE.
OP as you say in the scheme of things-- if she is showing signs of stress, can you not be a friend to her and be understanding? Be on her side and battle the builders together.

op. asuming the best which is that the neighbour has tried., please go up to the byilders every time and scream at them.to move their fucking vans.

cjelh why on earth should the OP and the neighbour battle the builders together ? OP hasn't hired them - Neighbour has. Is this the same sort of "being in this together" that David Cameron talks about ?

Neighbour shows no sign of caring about the fact that the OP can't get out of her driveway, so we don't actually know if the neighbour has even spoken to the builders about this or not.

Yes appreciate it must be difficult living in a house that's being renovated, but it surely doesn't absolve you of your neghbourly responsibilities.

YANBU, it's beyond annoying to have access to your own home messed about, and without so much as a warning, request for help or whatever. The 'relax' text is really, really patronising and, frankly, very shitty. All this crap about having no responsibility for or control over those she has employed to do work on her property is bollocks, as is the mythical danger of 'losing money'. If they're contracted then they can't just dump the job with impunity on a whim if the neighbours complain about very genuine disruption.

I don't see why you are being so considerate - this has happened multiple times. She should be the one worried about your reaction. Go to the builders and say you want to speak to the owner of the company - not them, their boss - about why they keep blocking you in. I bet they won't again.

YANBU

She's a cheeky cow. You are being inconvenienced by her building work but without the prospect of any benefit, she'll be getting a renovated/bigger house.

How about keeping an eye out for when the builders arrive and telling them they can't park there, you're going out today? If that doesn't work, can you make it clear they need to move by 3pm every day so you can get to nursery?

What a strange response ROOKIE. do you suggest losing a good neighbour for the sake of a few bad builders. I expect she has spent ages asking builders to move/not park there. What is wrong with being a nice person ? Are you afraid you will be shown to be 'weak'!!!
Builders will do what they want and just because she has hired them to build doesn't mean she will have any control over these men. Good luck if you think its that simple!!!! I also have no idea about the politics.

But the bottom line is that the builders have to go somewhere, unless there is a spacious street round the corner where they could all park you are up a gum tree.

The neighbor could be sympathetic which might help but would you be happy to increase the cost of the building work because all the workmen were parked 3 streets away, I doubt it.

Perhaps block all the builders so they can't leave one evening to make your point. Or make a big sign saying leave this area clear by painting on a cardboard box so they leave enough space to let you come and go. They aren't usually nasty people but are making a living. I'm surprised they are blocking the road, they usually nearly block the road. Have you actually spoken to the drivers.