To not just want a hand shoved down my pants?!

[nannynoss]

Argh!

Okay, so I'd been with DP for about a year. We split for a while because I moved away, but we are very much back together now (quite recent).
And don't get me wrong, he's really lovely, but I'm getting a tiiiiiiny bit frustrated in the bedroom.

When we first got back together, due to not seeing each other often and not being 'together' for a while, the lead up to sex was quite rushed (which was fine at the time!)

But I fear I may have convinced him this is what I always like, when actually, I don't

As soon as we get into bed now, we will kiss for all of 5 seconds and then BAM! His hand is in my knickers. Sometimes I knock his hand back and say 'not yet' but he just laughs and moves my hand out of the way and carries on ?!

He was never like this before! It's fine when we get going, but I fancy a bit more of a build up I guess.
As you can see by the time, I've been simmering about this for hours! AIBU to not be instantly turned on?!

He's insecure and I hate confrontation, so if we have to have a talk about it it's going to be mortifying

I suppose my main thought is, if he likes it to go fast, and I like to take it slow, why should he have to do what I want? He's entitled to enjoy it just as much as me.

We have the opposite problem in our relationship. I have no patience for drawing it out, husband likes intimacy and foreplay, I'd rather just cuddle and kiss afterwards. You go by the slowest person's pace. It's really no skin off my back to wait a few minutes, and really he makes it quite enjoyable.

While you're taking it slow it's a good time to give cues "Yeah, like that" "Do this with that".

And.. if he strops off, strop off right back for being lousy in bed.

Also, there's a way to tactfully bring up stuff in the bedroom without telling him outright that he sucks at what he's doing. Just tell him you're bored, and that you do the same thing. Let's spice it up by doing this or that. Takes the blame off him, and gives a solution you can both enjoy.

I know it sounds harsh but is he really worth it?

Thanks for your replies. We did have a bit of a talk yesterday. His response was 'I can't help it, I can't keep my hands off you' and I just jokingly responded with 'have some self control, man!'
There was some improvement last night though. We spent a lot of time kissing which is what I've wanted. But then I spent the whole time worrying that he was getting bored and only doing it because I'd told him to.
.....there really is no pleasing me is there

"only doing it because I'd told him to."

If he was doing something to ensure you had a good time sexually, that's fine. Really, it is

Haha. Thank you Doctrine.

Sorry if this seems a strange question, but why do you wear knickers in bed? Do other people?

Anyway, YANBU

Yep, I wear knickers in bed.

I do indeed winkle, do you not?

I hate sleeping with clothes on. They bunch up and shift as you toss and turn so you have to adjust them. It also makes it easy for a morning quickie

Yeah I'm the same. If I wore pjs then I probably wouldn't. But I don't. So to have nothing on at all feels a bit risky!
also probably not appropriate as a live in nanny

I don't sleep with anything on, let alone knickers. I see you don't wear them under PJs NannyM, but do other knicker wearers do so? It just seems a bit odd to me. I'm starting to feel like the knicker troll

It's not very often I wear pjs though. Mainly if I've got a stomach bug or something and have to keep getting out of bed...
I can't speak for anybody else though!

for me its 5 seconds of kissing then shoving it near me, not really arsed but sometimes it gets to me because I've shaved and everything for a reason, I want oral/manual but soemtimes it just doesn't happen. It gets me down because it makes me feel like he doesn't want to touch me. D=
yanbu. its just men. Haha!

Show him the schoolroom scene from Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. The one where the John Cleese schoolmaster criticizes a pupil for "going straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate".

Haha just had a search for the clip. That's brilliant!
leeds you should show your man too

It's not 'just men', it's inconsiderable tossers.

Yes, I wear knickers with pjs, usually. I wear knickers with trackie bums and they're similar...

"It's not 'just men', it's inconsiderable tossers."

^ Exactly that.

Ok, no knickers, no anything else usually, but I do sometimes sport woolly socks, cold feet. Very glamorous look.

Just socks and nothing else?! And you call us strange?

Nannymoss, not even matching socks.

Sounds like my DP! I'm so bored I'm
Thinking of cheating , I don't think
I can take much more of the same boredom yaaaawn

i sleep nude. I only wear pjs if i'm lounging about the house. as soon as im in bed, im nude. I hate clothes! I wear my nice underwear sometimes (the type that are made to be taken off?) and they never get taken off by him so I just grin and bear it
However, I did wear a purple bodysuit from ann summers on friday and he loved it. _ Wearing something sexy (in their favorite colour) helps!

Seriously, Thatsjustme? That's not good. Has it been going on for a long time? It wasn't too bad for me, the sex is always good when it gets going, just not the build up! Get some toys?!
leeds I think nice underwear passes some men by. I'll wear really nice underwear and DP won't notice, then I'll wear mundane underwear and he'll say he loves it. He also doesn't like black underwear. Which isn't irritating AT ALL.