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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think husband is daft and irresponsible

72 replies

Quintestinal · 01/05/2014 18:09

He has a chest infection. Last day on antibiotics on Sunday.

Tomorrow he is setting off on his motorbike from London to Wales to climb Snowdon in the evening. Then on by motorbike to climb Scaffield Pike on Saturday, on to Scotland to do Ben Nevis on Sunday.

I should add, he is very fit. But he is unwell.

OP posts:

BuggersMuddle · 01/05/2014 21:18

Sorry X-post - sounds good.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 21:24

Knowing this stuff and accepting it could happen to wonderful, impervious, Superman you is two very different matters

he is a twat

MrsWedgeAntilles · 01/05/2014 21:25

Hopefully that will make it more manageable for him. He can always come back and climb Ben Nevis when the weather is better and he'll enjoy it more. Go with him if you can, its lovely up there.

ChasedByBees · 01/05/2014 21:34

He's being an idiot.

HappySeven · 01/05/2014 21:34

I had a chest infection and was given antibiotics. I asked my GP if I could still do the 10k I'd signed up for the following weekend and she said 'you'll feel tired but it's up to you'. I went for it, first 5k were fine, the second half was exhausting. 6 days later I had pneumonia and felt awful.

I'm not saying he shouldn't do it as it seems my infection hadn't responded to the original antibiotics (I went on to have 2 further courses). I don't think I'd do it again though.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/05/2014 21:38

Wow. So are you his wife or his mommy?

Just a question.

Yes, he's an idiot. But he doesn't answer to you.

Did he decide to skip Scotland or did you nag him into submission?

Realistically he's not going to get stranded. His last anti-biotics are on Sunday. He's on the tail end of a cold. My husband and I have done plenty of strenuous things on a chest cold and been fine. The worst that's going to happen is that he's going to come home exhausted and moan about how miserable he feels.

But that's not even the point. The point is, you obviously don't trust him to think for himself. If this was a thread about a woman saying her man was trying to stop her from doing she wouldn't get a chance to do again, everyone would be jumping on him for it and knowing MNers, demanding she divorce him.

If this is the last time he's going to be able to do something like this with his buddy, let him.

I obviously don't know what's going on behind the computer screen, but from my vantage point, it just sounds like you're being controlling and dictating what he can and can't do. He is an adult. He is his own person. This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 21:45

...and what he does (and the shit he lands himself in) has no impact on the rest of the family ?

PrincessBabyCat · 01/05/2014 21:50

There will always be a worst possible scenario for every situation. He is more likely to die in a car crash on the way there, than he is on the mountain. If it was my husband, I would trust him to have some common sense to start heading back down with a buddy if he started feeling sick. But I highly, highly doubt he is going to collapse from exhaustion and die with a chest cold that he's almost over.

cardibach · 01/05/2014 21:55

Princess that's an irresponsible attitude. A chest infection is not the same as a cold. Realistically, he could need rescuing if he can't finish the climb, which could mean being unable to come back down, too. THe weather in Scotland is going to be very poor and you think he should have continued with his plan to go there.
DO you know anything about health or mountains?

cardibach · 01/05/2014 21:56

Just to point out (forgot in last post) it really isn't a cold as he has antibiotic. A cold is a virus. Guess you don't know anything about health, then...

PrincessBabyCat · 01/05/2014 22:04

I already said he was an idiot. But he is an adult, and he is entitled to be an idiot if he wants. But this "wife knows best" attitude sounds toxic. IMO, it would be better to be given the options, and come to the conclusion himself that it was too dangerous. But if she's harping on him, he'll be blaming her for a missed time, even if she was right.

But it's not my marriage.

Just to point out (forgot in last post) it really isn't a cold as he has antibiotic. A cold is a virus. Guess you don't know anything about health, then...

Oh, you. :) Let's not get hung up on terminology now.

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 22:06

it's not "wife knows best" it's people who are not a self centred twat and willing to put others at risk for their own ego trip know best

Original poster

Quintestinal · 01/05/2014 22:08

I am not taking the bait Princess.

OP posts:

MissDuke · 01/05/2014 22:13

Quint sounds like a sensible plan to me. Your hubby's plan that is, but also your plan to ignore princess...

GrumpyInYorkshire · 01/05/2014 22:13

Scafell Pike! Scafell! Not Scaffield!
(takes deep breath, calms down a bit).

Oh, and if he's pretty much over the illness, YABU. Snowdon from the pyg track or the miners' track is a quick and easy walk. I've seen toddlers do it in wellies.

Scafell Pike isn't tough unless there's ice on the top, which there won't be at the moment. And Ben Nevis is hardly the north face of the Eiger.

Sounds like a fantastic weekend. One hill a day isn't tough, even if he's a bit under the weather. Leave him to it!

PrincessBabyCat · 01/05/2014 22:24

Just an opinion, not a bait. I respect my husband as an adult to make his own (and sometimes stupid) choices. If he did something stupid after I told him it was stupid, he'd be hearing about it. But I'd let him do it. In fact, I wouldn't even be arrogant enough to say I let him. He is his own man, and I would be outraged if he told me I couldn't do something.

There is a difference between presenting him with all the evidence and allowing him to think for himself and telling him he can't do something.

I just foresee this causing problems and resentment in the future. If not from this specific case, this attitude in general. It doesn't take a relationship counselor to figure out why mothering your man is bad.

But if it works for you, and you have a happy marriage, awesome. Do what works best. :)

Original poster

Quintestinal · 01/05/2014 22:26

I am happy now that Nevis is out of the equation. Two peaks, across two days, is fine, with riding up to Scaffeld Pike (sorry) from Wales in between.

I did not have to nag him. I spoke to him about his health and his chest. He has never had a chest infection before, it is the first time in his life he has had antibiotics, other than when he had an appendectomy and got peritonitis after. I told him he should let his friend know he is not well so he is prepared to skip Nevis if he is not up for it. So they discussed it and decided to leave it until another time.

The good thing about posting is that you can gather your thoughts, and bring up an issue sensible, and be heard.

I hope me, dh and the kids can all go up Snowdon this summer, and Scaffeld Pike. I saw some lovely walks up in the lake district I would love for us to do together. I am not sure about Ben Nevis for me and the kids. I like gentler mountains.

This is the region where we usually hike And this is my favourite hike Nice and easy, not too tall and steep, but majestic nevertheless.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 22:29

Scafell

Scafell

Original poster

Quintestinal · 01/05/2014 22:31

Jayzus! I managed to get rid of the superfluous i, but left in the f and d! Sorry.

Scafell Scafell Scafell

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 01/05/2014 22:32

QuintsKazooo · 06/05/2014 22:43

Well, they only managed Snowdon. Scafell Pike was shrouded in mystery and clouds....

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 07/05/2014 23:39

How's he feeling?

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