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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let other children play with dds toys?

35 replies

dollsmouse · 30/04/2014 22:06

My eldest dd is 6 and does an extra-curricular activity which I watch from a viewing area. I have my two yr old, and more recently newborn ds with me. It's an hour and a half long so I pack a bag of toys/books/stickers/colouring for 2 yr old dd. There are several other parents who watch with younger siblings, too.

The viewing area is large (200+ seats) but no matter where I sit, at least two (and today seven!) of the other children aged between 3-6 come over to us. They take dds toys without asking, don't treat them well (drawing in reading books, stickers on toys that are difficult to remove, stamping on teddies etc) and often wander off with them meaning I have to spend ten minutes at the end retrieving them all.

Dd is fine with sharing but gets upset when they come and snatch, mistreat or walk off with her belongings. I'm busy feeding newborn now and don't want to (and feel I shouldn't have to) keep refereeing. The other children don't play with dd and their parents just leave them to their poor behaviour. One even joked today: 'oh I should pay you childminders fees!'

Aibu to just want them to leave us alone and to tell them they can't play in future and suggest their parents bring their own toys?

OP posts:

ICanSeeTheSun · 01/05/2014 06:32

I don't see why op should limit the amount of toys.

Just say no to the other children

Jollyphonics · 01/05/2014 06:38

YANBU. This is one of my pet hates. Some parents seem to think the rest of the world is there just to entertain their kids, so that they don't have to bother. I get sick of ensuring my kids have things to do when we go to places, only to find that other parents are sitting around chatting, while I'm being an unpaid kids entertainer. Drives me mad. Tell them to go away.

Fleta · 01/05/2014 08:45

Setting yourself up as the nearest toy shop and expecting other kids not to come is a bit irritating to other parents. Colouring ok but loads of toys is a bit u

So in this situation you honestly think the OP is unreasonable for bringing things for her own child as it might piss off the other parents who can't be bothered?!

fairylightsintheloft · 01/05/2014 08:53

its an hour and half - if anyone has a 2 yo who will play with one toy for that long then I am envious in the extreme. Mine would have def needed a selection of stuff plus copious snacks to keep them going that long.

EmpressOfJurisfiction · 01/05/2014 08:55

Besides the OP has her toys in a bag, it's not as if they're all on display. The other DC have just learned that she's got them.

eddielizzard · 01/05/2014 08:57

i would position myself at the opposite end of the room and every child that came over i'd say 'sorry we're not sharing today. go and ask your parent for something to do.'

you just have to bite the bullet. the other parents are taking the piss.

Sigyn · 01/05/2014 09:03

Dunno if the question is really whether its reasonable or not. Kids this age aren't reasonable. Odds are their parents don't realise you have a problem with it.

TBH, I think you just have to be firm with the kids. If you don't want them to take away the toys, say so. If you want them played with a certain way, say so. Say "that's ds's toy. I am happy for you to sit with us/ at the table and play with it, if you put it back in the bag afterwards, but please don't take it away.". Or "that's ds's colouring book. Please don't draw in it. You are welcome to use the pencils though if you sit here. Why don't you go ask your mum/ dad, or at reception, for some scrap paper?".

No its not fair and the parents should be doing a better job of monitoring their kids. But in practical terms, especially as you've been doing this for a while and it many be expected, you need to proactively sort it out because they clearly are not going to.

TinyTear · 01/05/2014 09:07

Keep the bag between your legs and only your DD will have access... if the others try to reach say they need a password. then ask them to ask their parents for the password... keep them going back and forth until they

a) give up
b) ask nicely with please as a password
c) the event ends

erin99 · 01/05/2014 09:42

I can see that if it happens week after week the other parents have less and less reason to bring their DC's own toys. YANBU to stop doing it, but if you've let them do it for months as if it's fine with you, I don't think they are being that rude to play with toys you appeared happy to share.

That said you don't need to continue. Try "no, this toy is not for sharing today. Go and ask Mummy/daddy for something to play with". Me, I'd prob take a couple of bits for sharing, just to keep the peace. You can physically stop 2yos from getting in your bag with a combo of wedging it close to your body and using your voice.

softlysoftly · 01/05/2014 10:03

Well Fleta yes I think if there is a large selection of toys scattered around someone who then gets pissed off other children come to play that is unreasonable. Even if I took DDs some of their own toys they would still be attracted by new and exciting toys and having to repeatedly herd them away for 2 hours would get on mylast nerve.

Or of course you could RTFT and realise that when OP clarified she kept the toys in a bag so not open to all Iconcurred the parents were in this case very rude.

In actuality I been in this situation and gone over to ask if the parents minded DD playing with them and to tell me if she became too much then admonished DD to listen and be good.

If the parents had minded but scattered tempting toys everywhere I would keep the DDs away but would be annoyed about having to.

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