to call my ex's other woman a couple of certain words

[kentishgirl]

namely, slag and slut.

I know slag and slut are quite political these days - slut shaming etc. I don't think a woman should be called either of these names just for having a sex life. I am a feminist. But does that mean I can't ever call a woman a name? I'd call him a bastard and that doesn't raise any eyebrows.

Is it a bit justified to use these words about a woman who knowingly becomes the other woman? And yes, it is wrong that there are no male equivalent sexual insults.

I completely understand where you're coming from but tbh had my DH still harboured so much obvious resentment to the OM who his ex-wife cheated with to the point that he couldn't even speak his name I probably would've thought that he wasn't over the split and wasn't ready to move on to a new relationship. I also think that calling your ex's new partner names (even if that partner was the OW) gives your ex the knowledge that he still has power over you or at least the ability to upset you - indifference would probably irritate him much more.

I got called this by my (ex) boyfriend's ex, and I didn't nick him off her, they had already split.

She used to come banging on the windows and generally stalking us and in particular me.

Said I was a "fat slut" and "didn't know how to dress".

I was neither (though its possible I don't know how to dress, few fashion fails particularly back in those days) so it said more about her than about me.

If it was a long time ago and he's still with her, perhaps you just weren't meant to be with him and he was meant to be with her, and they found this out whilst he was still with you but dealt with it in the wrong way by cheating.

Just a thought!

For all you know she might have been a virgin when she met him! In reality, she was probably a sexually active woman with a similar amount of notches on her bedpost as you.

Thanks, all. It was a long time ago and I wasn't meaning to drip feed but no, I haven't referred to her in this way for a long long time out loud. It's become her name in my head though, on the odd occasion I have to think about her (not often) and I'm not bothered by that. At the time it all happened I mostly did it to wind him up/face up to what had happened as they were both in total denial/kentish you are misinterpreting everything mode, which made me angrier than what had happened, if that makes sense. (he eventually confessed). If you have an affair, at least have the guts to admit it, and if you won't, I'm going to have a verbal poke at you. Please don't imagine any Jeremy Kyle street yelling or anything though, nothing like that happened.

I suppose I was wondering if these types of sexual insult names are ever justified? Is there any behaviour that means that yes, actually you are a slut/slag?

your husband was a bit of a slag wasn't he call him a slut he is the one who went off with another woman doesn't excuse her behaviour but he is the one who cheated on you

YABU - She's the least of the problem. Your partners infidelity and moral compass are the bigger issues here.
Save your rage for him.

I agree with you Kentish that the denial and betrayal is far worse than the knowledge of the act itself. It's like taking the piss out of you in a very extreme way. That much I do remember.

I'm going to take this to the feminist bit as I was musing over my use of these words and whether I was being antiwomen/antifeminist and have got another few thoughts about it. And I'll put it in a more hypothetical way, as it's not an issue I have now really, and it's not an AIBU, I see that now. Maybe it was an 'Was I Being Unreasonable' instead.

Come over there if you want to carry on.

Thanks for all the comments.