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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect the whole family to eat the same dinner?

18 replies

Clarabum · 30/04/2014 17:30

I'm fed up cooking.
I seriously feel like I'm running a soup kitchen.
I have 3 dc and a DP who works nightshift 5 days out of 8.

DS1- fussy eater yet eats well for my DM (that's another thread...)
DS2- has Autism so only eats 5 things and I need to make him a separate dinner anyway. He has sensory issues so getting him to eat anything different is impossible.
DD1- eats pretty much anything.
DC are 6, 5 and 21mnths respectively.

DP is just generally turns his nose up at everything. He'll eat it but I always get the feeling it's as if he can't be arsed and he'd rather have a croissant.
I am a good cook. My dinners are lovely.
I'm a SAHM and I love cooking but i'm increasingly getting really fucked off with everyones attitude to food. I spend a good portion of the day cooking and the only one who seems to appreciate it is the baby.

I only ever give DS1 a small portion as he never eats it all. If I were to give him 8 bits of pasta, he'd eat 4. If I were to give him 4 he'd eat 2. IYKWIM?
Sometimes DP will just let him away with eating very little and say " he isn't that hungry" which totally enrages me.

I feel as though this is disrespectful, not only to the time I've taken to prepare the meal but also to those that aren't as fortunate to have food on the table.

Otherwise, relationship is fine. No other issues. Just this one thing REALLY gets to me.
AIBU and overreacting?

Do I just stop giving a shit and let them all starve?

OP posts:

ThursdayLast · 30/04/2014 17:33

I would give up on the DP for sure. Let him sort himself out.

ThisIsLID · 30/04/2014 17:45

YANBU
I would put everyone on the same diet bar ds2 as he has sensory issues.

Your DH in particular can make. A big effort there and teach his dcs about being grateful that someone has cooked dinner for them.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/04/2014 17:57

The same dinner for everyone except the child with sensory issues. Take it or leave it and have some bread and butter instead.

It must be bloody heart-breaking to have something you enjoy doing turning into such a battle. So stop fighting it

sunbathe · 30/04/2014 18:00

Have you seen ds1 eat well for your mum?

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 30/04/2014 18:03

We have 6 kids I do one meal for tea, I rotate it so there's everyone's favourite at some point and they have two choices, eat it or leave it with nothing after.

Obviously totally different with a child with sensory issues and maybe plan around that more but picky isn't allowed in our house.

They don't have to empty their plates if they are genuinely full but by same token that means no need for fruit/ pudding or what ever afterwards

WilsonFrickett · 30/04/2014 18:03

Same diet for everyone except Ds2 and don't give up on moving him over to everyone else's food either - my DS is 8 and has made huge strides with his food this year. There are now 4 meals we all eat!

DP on nights, gets left a portion of everyone else's or has to sort himself out.

And no-one gets down from the table until they've said 'thank you for my meal' including DP

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/04/2014 18:06

I often do three different meals as we dont all have the same tastes in food and i dont agree with forcing Children/adults to eat foods they dont like.

I suppose it depends on your outlook, i wouldnt feel disrespected if somebody didnt eat my cooking or left part of it. I dont make a big deal re food though as it just leads to bigger issues later in life.

frignorant · 30/04/2014 18:12

Everyone should be eating the same meal (except ds2). Stop pampering to thier demands, you're making work for yourself.

If one of mine genuinely doesn't like what I'm making then that person has soup or beans on toast, I don't make a full separate meal. It doesn't hurt for 1 night.

ikeaismylocal · 30/04/2014 18:16

I agree with the just give everyone apart from ds2 the same, I would be furious is dp didn't eat food I'd cooked, especially if I had children and he was setting them a terrible example.

HillyHolbrook · 30/04/2014 18:16

Of course YANBU.

I wouldn't have even started making separate meals other for your child with sensory issues. If they don't like it, they go hungry. Don't feel bad, if you know they're being selectively picky and don't have any issues like DC2 there's no reason to pander to them. Especially not DH

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 30/04/2014 18:17

I do one meal, and they either eat it or go hungry. There are no substitutes in my house. Neither DC has ever opted to go hungry. They have eaten it with a sad face, then realised it is nice and next time they are offered it they say yes.
I think you should make one meal for the majority and one meal for your son with sensory issues. The other DC and your DP eat what they are given or wait for their next meal.
If your DP doesn't like what you are offering maybe he should do the cooking for a few weeks!

WipsGlitter · 30/04/2014 18:28

Generally yes, apart from me as I don't like the stuff the others have! Eg last night they had spaghetti bolognese I had poached eggs. Tonight they're having shepherds pie, I had a salad.

tinyshinyanddon · 30/04/2014 18:42

Hmmm I'm with you OP. I love food. I love to cook. I was brought up in a family of "food lovers" - not to mean we were all fancy with food, just that we all had good appetites. DH is not like me at all. And the kids are somewhere in the middle. I think everyone except your DC with sensory issues should eat the same meal, and your DH needs to model appropriate behavior (I have coached mine to say "mmmm, this is delicious" during the meal).

Louise1956 · 30/04/2014 19:33

it's annoying, but we are a family of four and I nearly always have to cook soemthing different for one of us. No3 son will eat almost anything, but my husband and no2 son are both very picky eaters, but don't like the same things, nd so i usually find myself doing something different either for my husband or for no.2 son. i don't knock myself out though, I just buy something ready made for the one who isn't eating what the rest of us are. At least it is better than when no.1 son was still living at home, he ate almost nothing.

OldBeanbagz · 30/04/2014 20:13

I'd cook one meal for everyone and one for your DS2. Give them a say in what you're all eating as it's only fair that everyone gets a chance to pick their favourite meal. But if your DH can't be arsed to eat the food you cook then i'd let him fend for himself.

I wouldn't worry too much about your DS1 and personally i'd let him eat what he can no matter how small. Some kids just can't face a big meal.

My DS was always like that and it's only now that he's 9 and doing sport every singe day that he's found his appetite. Before that he was on a pitifully small amount of food ever since he was weaned (even now he's off the bottom of the centile chart but happy & healthy with it).

Original poster

Clarabum · 30/04/2014 20:24

Thanks guys,
I think it probably is my issues with being offended that they are just take it or leave it with dinners. Dp will snack on other stuff in between meals which I find annoying. I really try to meal plan and prepare healthy and tasty meals within our limited budget. I'm probably being a bit precious over dinner but for me it's a big thing in my head. I want them all to sit down and enjoy dinner together.

Ds2 was losing weight before I found things he would tolerate. He is very slim already and gags as various foods or screams so much he bursts blood vessels in his nose. Then the nosebleeds don't stop for hours.

I am working with his OT to try and move DS2 towards different meals however we have a lot going on with other areas of his development so I'm not going to really push it at the moment. He has started to eat pasta which is a MASSIVE leap for him.

I'm also going to stop having other snacky things in the house for DP to eat. If he's hungry then he can eat dinner.

DS1 eats really well for DM (or so she says) and always clears the plate. She makes a massive fuss over him and pretty much coaxes him to eat every single mouthful the way you would with a toddler. I just don't have the time to cheerlead my son through every meal.

I guess that's a plan, I guess I just wanted to know that i'm not being totally unreasonable.

Thanks.

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 30/04/2014 20:33

My dsc's are buggers for picking st or turning their noses up st food. Their dm and my late mil pander to it to the point mil used to cook them chicken nuggets amd chips and one/other/both would come out with "I don't like it" despite having eaten it amd requested it every other time they were there so mil would cook something fresh for them.

Here I am afraid they eat what is put in front of them or starve. If they don't eat it they get nothing til the next meal when they get given the same food (I never cook stuff they don't like and if it's something new I cook a reserve in case they try and don't like so not a complete bitch!)

lukewarmbath · 30/04/2014 21:22

YANBU at all. I've had similar issues in the past, including with my DH. He sometimes pulls a face when he finds out what's for dinner but never makes any suggestions about what he'd like me to cook. Very frustrating.

What are the meals that your DS2 will eat? What I would suggest, if you can, is incorporate those foods into main meals so that your other two children don't feel that it's unfair that DS2 can have what he wants. For example, if macaroni cheese is something that he likes, make it as a side portion to the main meal.

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