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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to do naff all for DDs birthday?

21 replies

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 15:40

DDs 1st birthday coming up soon, lots of questions from family about what were doing for it. Originally I suggested a little tea party at ours for close family only, can't be doing with big fusses made when she's only 1!
Thing is our families are a little, how do I put this...fucking nuts.
The in-laws are all splitting up so we don't know who it would be appropriate to invite (and either way will be bloody awkward) my family just spend every waking hour making me cringe and the thought of everyone in the house at once brings me out in a cold sweat.

If I'm being honest I can't be arsed doing a party, it just feels like she won't get much out of it and my house will be wrecked. I'd rather me and DH take her to the local soft play or something just the 3 of us. Is that really grumpy and unsociable?

OP posts:

ohdearitshappeningtome · 30/04/2014 15:41

Nope! Do something that pleases you and dh !

weebairn · 30/04/2014 15:45

We went to a little local zoo for DD's 1st, just the three of us, lovely family time, perfect day. Also went to a pub beer garden with a load of mates and her but I think that was just coincidental timing.

There will be enough years where your kids will beg you to have a party - why do it when you don't have to?? I went to my nephew's 1st and it was hell - loads of screaming 1 year olds, no booze Also stupid amounts of presents.

DC2 is due on DD's 2nd birthday so might try and wheedle out of the kids party for one more year, haha.

Snowflakepie · 30/04/2014 15:49

Do what you want. DDs first birthday we had family for tea and cake but if yours is hard work, don't bother. A family day out sounds much more fun. For DS this summer, I will be at work that weekend and DH is doing a charity cycle ride all day. So the DC will have the gps to look after them and I will get a cake, but that will be all. My own parents are away that weekend so it's going to be very low key. It does seem to go that way with the second!

Original poster

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 15:50

why do it when you don't have to??

This is exactly my thinking weebairn! My niece had a 1st birthday party last year complete with BBQ bouncy castle and 50 guests it was shite. We have quite close families and think they'll be pissed off but I don't really care TBH. Zoo is a fab idea - our local one is excellent, will have to run past DH

OP posts:

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/04/2014 15:51

Lord no. Make her a little cake, let her blow the candle out, and have a lovely day just for the three of you. That's what we did.

In fact, there's a good argument for not celebrating birthdays before 3 or 4. The DC hasn't much of a clue, the guests aren't too good at mingling and there's always a meltdown.

EatDessertFirst · 30/04/2014 15:52

We had the same on DD 1st. My parents are divorced and remarried to other people (Dad to the woman he had an affair with!!) which was awkward to say the least. We had an 'open house' type thing on the Saturday after her actual 1st and gave them different times to turn up. It was a little devious!

We bit the bullet on her second birthday as I had just given birth to DS (he was a week old) so an all day thing just wasn't an option for me. We had them all here together and it was fine. They had all been warned to behave though as though they were toddlers in a sandpit.

Do whatever suits you, DD and DH best. Families can make things so awkward!!

Hope she has a lovely birthday.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 30/04/2014 16:12

We took DD to the aquarium for her first birthday, just the 3 of us. It was a great day. We did have a small gathering the weekend after her birthday, more of a BBQ with cake than a birthday party.
I would opt for a day out doing something for DC, a trip to the zoo, a day at the park, playgym etc. Then explain as it is her birthday you wanted a day she would really enjoy, and that if they wish to drop by later there will be cake and coffee. You could always stagger their visits, invite your parents the day before, his parents the day after, so that it is just you 3 on the actual day. But again not a party, just a pop by for a slice of cake.

rowna · 30/04/2014 16:44

I had the two sides of the family round and it was quite awkward. I remember my mum going on about her hysterectomy to stunned silence from DH's family.

DD likes seeing the picture of her in a pretty dress with the cake with one candle and a balloon.

For her 2nd bday we went to Butlins whilst our house was rewired. We have a picture of her with a cake. She's very happy with that and says she remembers that birthday (even though she doesn't).

For me it's just about giving her happy memories. She's not going to remember who was there, but it's nice to show you marked it. Soft play sounds fine to me.

sicily1921 · 30/04/2014 18:33

Hi OP, don't doubt yourself, DCs birthday is what it is, it is not the rest of your family's birthday! Do what you want and what you think is best for DC, you sound like you would mega stressed having family round and DC would pick that up. What should be a happy day would end up being a sad day. -

HolgerDanske · 30/04/2014 19:18

Don't even make her a cake - Just buy a fancy cupcake for each of you, add a little candle to hers and hey presto you've got the perfectly sized cake for a one year old

Louise1956 · 30/04/2014 19:29

i don't see much point in having a birthday party for a 1 year old. She isn't old enough to really understand what a birthday is.

DizzyKipper · 30/04/2014 19:30

Not grumpy and unsociable, absolutely sane and sensible! Do what you want. If you know you won't enjoy it then you won't, believe me. We ended up doing a 1st bday because we felt we had to to placate family. It was awful! Don't make the same mistake, do what's right for you.

Purplepoodle · 30/04/2014 19:35

We have a very small family tea for ours but if your family are interesting. Why not just invite them to the soft play. They can all buy a coffee, have a bit of cake, job done.

Amy106 · 30/04/2014 21:01

Just the three of you sounds perfect and much less stressful for all concerned. Don't forget a few photos to remember the day. Happy Birthday to your dd!

shebird · 30/04/2014 21:04

Sounds perfect, just explain to everyone that you are having a family day out. Save your energy and cash for the years of crazy kids parties to come.

wheresthelight · 30/04/2014 21:08

Yanbu to not want to do it but yabu to sneer st those who do.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/04/2014 21:20

Just do something, all 3 of you.

JustAboutAdeqeuate · 30/04/2014 21:22

I remember DSis' s first birthday (I was 4.) We had a normal day, then our parents stuck a candle in a shop bought cake, we sang happy birthday and I blew out the candle. It was great. Seriously don't break your back over this one.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 30/04/2014 21:27

We took DD to the Aquarium, then both sets of parents popped in for a cup of tea and a slice of cake at five/six, then dh and I had a chinese and a bottle of champagne for making it through the first year.

weebairn · 01/05/2014 07:35

yes to the champagne and congrats for yourself. My DP bought me a present for being a mum for a year and we had some wine after baby in bed :)

Bananapickle · 01/05/2014 07:41

If I had awkward family I would have just done something just the three of us. A day at the zoo sounds lovely.
We did do a small tea for family who love close and the godparents but it was easy as everyone gets on.
Keep it simple, the kid never knows what's going on and doing too much often overwhelms them.

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