Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be quite annoyed with dh today.

27 replies

therenter · 30/04/2014 15:26

First things first dh is usually very helpful and supportive around the home, especially since me returning to work in September after 11 years of being at home raising our four children.
But today he has really annoyed me.
I had a minor op yesterday to remove an abscessed tooth under a general anaesthetic as I have a very bad phobia of the dentist.
I was told I would need an adult to be present with me for 24 hours after the g.a (came around at 3pm). Informed dh of this as soon as I knew and asked him to take the day off work. Fine he says.
Then he books friends to come over last night -I told him that's fine but I won't be around as will most likely be in bed. So he cancels and rearranges for tonite (with me so far).
So we have four children and the place is a tip and we have guests coming around tonite- I am feeling very tired this morning. Dh told me he was going to a meeting and that he would be giving someone a virtual flying lesson when he comes back- took the kids to school at 8am and returns to the house at 12.
Then he turns on the computer and goes on flight sim for 2hours.
Not offering to get me lunch or even a cup of tea. Not noticing that despite being shattered I have cleaned the lounge, kitchen and hallway.
So I don't see him all afternoon and when he does finish and comes up to see me he says the following;
" You won't appreciate how tiring it is giving someone a flying lesson online!"
Not half as bloomin tiring as cleaning ul the house for the guests that he has invited whilst still under the effects of a g.a- I can tell u. I told him so much.
His reply was that he would have found time to do it. I don't. How as he had 10 minutes to spare before going to collect the children. Will have to go out again to take one to a party-then again to collect one from after school club and then again to collect party child. He knew all this before hand and would do this anyway as I don't drive.
Friends are coming around at 8 and they are the type that will stay for hours and I am still feeling quite tired.
Am I being really ungrateful or has he made some daft choices?

(Sorry about any typos as on my phone)

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 30/04/2014 15:30

go to bed, you have had an operation and a GA
he should be looking after you, not leaving you on your own

I would be livid and hurt

Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 15:32

Thanx Humphrey- I do feel a bit hurt at his lack of consideration but he just doesn't seem to get it all. I only booked today off work so am back tomorrow and this was supposed to be my rest day.
I don't even know if he has thought about dinner tonight which I had asked him in advance to do for me.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 30/04/2014 15:35

I would be upset about not being offered lunch or a cup of tea or being looked after. But then I guess he maybe think that you are not bedridden ill so no need for this.

There was no need for you to do the cleaning, and if you don't feel up to being about with the friends, just go to bed early and make your apologies.

It sounds like DH's day was already booked up with meetings/appointments, I think it was unreasonable to expect him to cancel these. I do agree with DH - if you'd done nothing he probably would have found time to do what needed doing - there is still plenty of time between 2 and 8, and don't believe the ferrying children will take all that time.

Thumbwitch · 30/04/2014 15:35

Christ, YANBU at all! He's been thoroughly thoughtless about it. Absolutely just go to bed if you need to - and let him explain why. I would also be livid, especially at the "you don't know how tiring it is to do an online lesson" - cheek!

Twitterqueen · 30/04/2014 15:37

I'm with you on this, but why on earth did you do all that work?

You should have stuck to your guns - or rather your bed - and done absolutely nothing. You have the perfect reason to do nothing and DH would have had no comeback on the mess at all.

You've done yourself no favours here at all.

DenzelWashington · 30/04/2014 15:40

I do hope you aren't still doing things. Jut go to bed and wash your hands of everything, including the kids' bedtime.

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 15:41

I'm not trying to be rude, it's a real question. How are you still tired and unable to do anything the next day from a tooth op? I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was up that night (I just couldn't eat anything).

In any case, I'd just take a nap and leave DH and kids to fend for themselves for the night. They'll figure it out (or he will when the kids start whining Wink).

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 30/04/2014 15:43

The silly sod! Get yourself to bed! And have these Thanks I've had a tooth abscess and felt like my head was gonna explode! Poor you!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 30/04/2014 15:44

YANBU. He is a tit.

Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 15:45

Redsky- I asked him to take a days compassionate leave to comply with the hospitals recommendations. Which he agreed to.
The meeting is not an essential one but one that happens every Wednesday- however he would be unanle to meet with them for a month following today which is why he went (and I totally support him on that. The rest if his day was not booked up with important meetings but playing on flight sim. One child gets out of school at 3 one at 3:10, one is coming home from swimming at 3:30. He then needs to bring her home to get changed and take her out to a party for 4. He then needs to go out to pick our eldest up from a school in another town for 5. Our other daughter needs to be picked up from the party at 6 and I already had asked him to sort something out for dinner (a fact I know he has forgotten). Then there is bedtime to sort out for the two youngest.

I am struggling to see how he would have fitted it all in. And I know that I am not bedridden but I am shattered.

OP posts:
Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 15:49

Princess- did u have a g.a as well? Perhaps it just took longer for the affects to wear off with me- been feeling like a zombie for most of the day.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 30/04/2014 15:50

Theprincess - did you have your wisdom teeth out under GA? GA makes people tired, some more than others. You're not supposed to be left alone/unsupervised for 24h after a GA and you should rest.

HumphreyCobbler · 30/04/2014 15:51

GA make you exhausted
go to bed
they can have toast or something for diiner, it is his problem

I am cross for you

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 30/04/2014 15:53

Your DH is an idiot and very inconsiderate one at that. Go back to bed and stay there while he entertains HIS GUESTS

redskyatnight · 30/04/2014 16:02

The reason for having an adult around is to do with ensuring that you don't have a bad reaction to the GA surely?

DH's evening doesn't sound any more onerous that that of many working parents tbh. If your DC are at school they are old enough to help with some general clearing. Sure, the house may not be spotless, but DH will cope because he has to. I really don't understand why you didn't just stay in bed and leave him to it.

CiderLover · 30/04/2014 16:11

To be fair, he had been working and running the kids around everywhere. You will never know if he would have made time to clean because you did it despite him saying he would - then punishing him for not doing it.

Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 16:20

Cider- my point was that he wasn't supposed to be at work at all. And I can't really see that playing on blooming flight sim is work?

OP posts:
CiderLover · 30/04/2014 16:21

WWell, you've spoken to him and told him how you feel. Time to make up now?

Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 16:39

I have spoken to him - yes but he has shown no acknowledgement that he has done anything wrong. I'm not actually punishing him at all- just feel a bit hurt at how things have worked out today. I haven't said that I am not talking to him or have fallen out with him- just that I am annoyed with him. I think it was his comment on how tiring playing on flight sim was that annoyed me the most.

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 16:41

did you have your wisdom teeth out under GA?

Yes, that's why I was asking. Over here (US), most people I know are fine in a few hours, and definitely the next day. Our policy is just have someone drive you home and then dope you up on painkillers. My boss teased me that I took the next day off with mine because I was totally milking it and we both knew it because my jaw hurt too much. So I was wondering if you guys just use a certain type or something that knocks you out for so long.

Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 16:48

Oh I don't know then princess-over here they same someone has to stay with u for the first 24 hours and that it will take that time for the effects of the g.a to wear off. I tell u I felt so tired today and I don't usually give in to easily either. I have to be really ill before I take to my bed- prob why I took it upon myself to do the cleaning that I knew dh wouldn't get done. So I am my own worst enemy.

OP posts:
Original poster
therenter · 30/04/2014 16:50

Thanku for the flowers ischippy and for the encouraging comments on here. I will stay up to be polite but will excuse myself if it looks like it is going to be a late night.

OP posts:
Oldskoolschooluniform · 30/04/2014 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 30/04/2014 16:54

My husband has regular ga and the advice was the same as yours OP - someone with him for 24 hours after the operation.

People react very differently to ga Princess. I've had some where I felt dreadful for ages and others where I felt back to normal within a few hours. My husband usually feels dreadful. It's great that you felt so well, but don't assume everyone feels like that Princess.

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 16:58

Wasn't assuming, was asking. Wink

I've just never heard of the 24 hour thing, that's all.

Hope your tooth feels better OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread