to treat baby #2 differently to pfb?

[ikeaismylocal]

I'm pregnant with dc2, me and dp are both very happy about the pregnancy.

A few issues have come up, the baby is due in October I need to do one more course before I can apply for the university course I'm aiming to start autumn 2015, I suggested that dp take paternity leave for 2 days a week so I can do this course, it would mean giving the baby either expressed breastmilk or formula. I was very precious about ds not having a bottle as I was so worried about nipple confusion, breast rejection and milk production, ds has never had a bottle and was ebf up to 6 months, at the time in my pfb haze this all seemed really important to me.

I didn't leave ds at all, not even for half an hour until he was 10 months (I didn't even want dp to take him out for a walk).

We had a 3d/4d scan with ds, we also have recordings of his heartbeat and weekly bump photos, with dc2 we have the 12 week scan photo somewhere hopefully I don't feel the need to spend money on a fancy scan and so far there have been no bump photos.

Dp says I am being unfair to the 2nd baby and we should. treat it exactly the same as ds, I just feel that all the pfb things were probably unnecessary and we don't have as much time/cash/inclination this time, of course we will love the new baby just as much as ds1 but aibu to not do a 3d scan, not obsessively ebf and leave the baby with dp a couple of times a week?

you always treat or end up doing things differently for each pg/baby/child.

that's life.
that's just what happens. circumstances change and you need to deal with those changes and go with the flow.

DD is our 6th and we had problems with the bf - she still had to be bf every 2 hours at 4 months as a result.
never did that with our boys!

and that's just one example.

don't worry, you'll do the best you can I'm sure!

and congratulations on your og!

I confess my first thought was, is your DH anxious about being left in sole charge of DC2, I agree with everyone that second time around it is quite normal to do things differently. Part of that comes down to experience. Unless he plans to minutely document every variation in raising your second, s/he and pfb won't know, will they.

I just checked the prices of the 3d scan place and they have closed down! It's the only place that does them in the city we live in so that's that idea gone, oh well, at least it's a valid excuse to tell dc2 in the future!

Ds1 is a real mummy's boy, probably because I never left him, I think dp's a little worried that dc2 will be the same, I'll have to point out to him that dc2 may well be a daddy's boy/girl if they spend time early on with each other.

The baby won't know or care about bump photos or extra scans, so I wouldn't worry about that.

With bf I think the advice is to try for ebf the first 4-6 weeks to establish supply and avoid nipple confusion after which it's easier to introduce bottles with expressed milk or mixed feeding. Would that be an option for you? If you are away two days a week from birth I think it might affect your supply and if you are away for two days from 4-6 weeks onwards you'd need to express anyway otherwise you'd be in quite a bit of discomfort.

Leaving the baby with his dad will depend on how you feel about it. I didn't leave my PFB more than a couple of hours with DP for the first 9 months of her life, but she bfed constantly and was very attached to me so I didn't feel I had much choice. I was never concerned about DP's ability to take care of her and love, more that she was perversely attached to me from the moment she was born and we've had to work hard to get her used to staying with other people. Other babies seem to be a lot more relaxed about being with other family members and caregivers so hopefully you will have a chilled baby!

Thanks for the advice about the 4-6 weeks, my class would start in January so the baby will be around 8 weeks old by then, I won't be away for full days, it's about 4 hours a day.

I'm not too worried about under supply, I still breastfeed ds and will probably be tandom feeding so if anything I'm worried about over supply. I had far too much milk with ds, he was sick loads after every feed and he was enormous, I think ha was getting too much milk.

Lol I'm on no3 and bless him he didn't have any of his pregnancy documented, photographed or scanned extensively. I'm busy living life and don't have the luxury of time or energy to fluff about with unimportant stuff. Pregnancy stuff is for the mums and dads not the baby, they don't give a hoot.

Go do your class. It will be great for the baby to bond with daddy. Iv given bottles to all my bf babies from a couple of weeks old and we have never had nipple confusion (and used dummies). Breastflow bottles are very good

I think the problem with bottles and breast feeding is where is happens before breast feeding is fully established, or the amount of bottles starts to take over. I breast fed for 11 months and my son had a dummy from about 1 week old and the odd bottle after the first few weeks and we had no problems - and these things were seen as normal then (back in the 80s). I don't recall any of this insistence on exclusively breast feeding, and I don't recall anyone I knew having breast feeding suddenly fail after a few months because of a few bottles/a dummy. I know everyone parents in their own way but you made something of a martyr of yourself in refusing to leave your baby even for a short time, even with the Dad, and it seems rather unfair on Dad, to me. You don't trust him? This is something you should think twice about repeating.

The scans/pics - yes if you don't do them for this baby at some point they will ask why. But it's the same for all 'next' babies. I'm number 4 in my family and I like to tease my parents for the fact that there's only a handful of photos of me as a baby compared to the older ones, especially the first born (loads of pics of her). But I'm only teasing as I think we all understand the novelty wears off a little bit!