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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Old school friends hen do..

19 replies

Dextersmummy14 · 29/04/2014 16:46

I feel awful.

I have a friend who is getting married in September. Last month she told me that she has paid a deposit of £50 pp for everyone to go to a spa. The remaining £160 needs to be paid within two weeks.

Aibu to be pissed off that 1, she didn't tell me until after she paid deposit and 2, not happy paying that much when I'm only invited to evening do!
I now have my oldest friend emailing me abuse for not paying the balance.

OP posts:
whitepuddingsupper · 29/04/2014 16:48

Did you say at any point you would definitely go on the hen do and did you know it was a spa thing?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/04/2014 16:48

Oh my god! so were you actually told "planning on doing X, let me know if you want to come, amd if so ill pay ypur deposit"?

Original poster
Dextersmummy14 · 29/04/2014 16:52

No she didn't tell me what she was doing until she paid deposit. I said I would go on hen party if I can afford it.

Thing is she hasn't really contacted me, it's all through a mutual (oldest) friend. She has moved far away and has asked me to pay money through bank transfer...

I don't even like the whole spa thing lol

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/04/2014 16:54

Have you told oldest friend that at no point were you made aware of the potential cost and it is outside of your budget?

The fact that I was only a night time guest, or that ot was an activity I wasnt fussed on, wpuld be orrelevant to me if I was close to the bride - id just be happy to do whatever she had chosen as long as I had the cash.

Thurlow · 29/04/2014 16:59

I'd be annoyed. Really annoyed, if I couldn't afford it. I'd be polite though, and send an email to bride and organiser and say that you are are very sorry, you weren't told at any stage the the hen do was going to be a £200+ affair and you just can't afford that.

Greyhound · 29/04/2014 17:01

Why do people have such expensive hen dos? Why do they have them anyway? Spas and such like - cost a fortune. Very presumptuous of her to put a deposit down for you and then expect you to fork out so much. I'd tell her where to stick it.

Original poster
Dextersmummy14 · 29/04/2014 17:02

I'm not close to get. Haven't seen her in 6 years.

OP posts:
BabyDerek · 29/04/2014 17:02

I agree with Thurlow - £200+ is a lot for a hen do, and I also don't like spa stuff so wouldn't fancy it either!

specialsubject · 29/04/2014 17:03

some friend if you are being sent abuse.

just say you didn't agree to any such payout, cannot afford it and that's an end to it.

you cannot produce money that you don't have.

let them sulk.

squoosh · 29/04/2014 17:09

It's a lot of money for the hen do of someone you're not particularly close to. I wouldn't go. Normally I'd say send a bright and breezy email saying it's too expensive but seeing as you're getting abuse for not having paid I'd gladly tell them to stick their hot stone massage up their hoo-ha.

DaisyMasie · 29/04/2014 17:13

It's very presumptuous of the bride to assume this is okay with people. I would just make an excuse and cancel.

WooWooOwl · 29/04/2014 17:21

Hen nights seem to send people more crazy than weddings!

Email back and say you never agreed to go, you weren't told the cost before your place was booked and therefore you can't be held responsible for the cost.

Then put her email address into your spam filter.

EurotrashGirl · 29/04/2014 23:33

Is it common for people who aren't close to the bride to be invited to the hen party in the UK? In my home country only the bridesmaids are invited.

EverythingCounts · 29/04/2014 23:49

As everyone's said already, that's a lot of money and it's just not acceptable to sign people up for this without checking it's OK. How does she know you don't have your own wedding (or baby/dream holiday/ house deposit...) to save up for? Send the polite email Thurlow suggests - that way you have shown more class than them.

Eurotrashgirl it's usually more than bridesmaids but I would expect it to be people the bride is close to. Mine was a group of eight and they were all people I counted as close friends, not people I hadn't seen for 6 years!

Aeroflotgirl · 30/04/2014 00:06

Her fault if she paid without consulting you and being transparent beforehand of the cost. I would tell that you can't afford it and cannot go. Her loss really.

parentalunit · 30/04/2014 00:08

September gives them plenty of time to cancel your place. You suddenly have to be somewhere else that weekend/day. Such a shame, isn't it :)

Appletini · 30/04/2014 08:49

YANBU. It's very presumptuous not to ask first.

Bunbaker · 30/04/2014 09:06

I would email a link to this thread then, as has already been suggested, put the email address into your spam filter

It is very presumptuous and arrogant (and bridezilla) to assume that everyone can afford to spend this kind of money without asking first.

Mim78 · 30/04/2014 10:50

You wouldn't normally invite someone to hen do if not close enough for daytime invite.

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