AIBU to expect support

[NivinsMcTwisp]

My partner has bi-polar and PTSD stemming from childhood trauma and I suffer from PMDD.

When I have a bad episode he cannot cope - he cannot (always) offer me any support because it
sets off his anxiety and insecurities. This makes me feel upset and insecure - it makes me feel like
my issues may put him off me because they trigger his issues. It also makes my PMDD a lot worse
as PMDD and stress do not mix well

AIBU to expect him to help me when he has major issues himself.

What support do you have from your doctors? It may be unrealistic of you to expect help from your dp when he has such problems himself.

If he can't cope with it then he can't cope with it, so yes, YABU.

What's PMDD anyway?

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Premenstrual-syndrome/Pages/Symptoms.aspx Scroll down a bit.

I don't think it's really about being reasonable or what you "should" be able to expect - especially as you haven't defined what you mean by support so it's hard to tell if what you want is reasonable.

I think you need to look at your communication as a couple, and each of your individual self-care and coping skills.

PMDD is horrible - Its hard to explain how bad it actually is. But basically it can effect your mood so badly you feel suicidal - its all hormonal.

Sometimes I just need a hug and some reassurance and just understanding that its not me its the PMDD.

I think I probably am expecting too much because as soon as he sees me in a state it sets him off into a panic.

I don't think you can expect any real support from your partner on this issue. It is really difficult to deal with someone else's problem when you have a mental problem yourself.
It is putting extra pressure on him which can make his own condition worse. I know this must be difficult for you when you are feeling so low.

Could you not look for some support somewhere else? A friend or a relative? Talk to you GP who may be able to offer you some counselling as well as medication?

I think that YABU in the sense that you need support from somebody that, through no fault of his own, is incapable of giving it.

Is it possible that despite your love for each other, your conditions actually make you incompatible?

I am glad you have said I am being unreasonable - it compounds the fact that he isnt just being selfish - which deep down I know but its hard to rationalise when you feel so bad.

Incompatible? Maybe - but when its good its very very good = like nothing else. I am hoping to get better - I have just started on some different medication - and if that doesnt work I will be demanding a referral to a Gynea/Endocrinologist because I cannot accept that I have to live with the condition.

Hi

I think you need to look for your support elsewhere if he is unable to support you. Are you in meds? I'm currently trying to find the right combo for this disorder. Iv found online groups very helpful to get support and understanding. Iv found it helps to be verbal with my partner and asking if he can give me a hug ect,

Hi - I am on AD and just started Yas.

I do ask for a hug but he just goes into one - he just cant handle it. :(

Its not all the time though- sometimes he can do - I guess it depends on what state of mind he is in at the time too.