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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask parents of 7 yr old girls, what their friendships are like.

28 replies

annoyedmum10 · 29/04/2014 12:22

DD 7 has a best friend who she falls out with at least 2/3 times a week, usually once a fortnight its a big drama with one saying I never want to be your friend ever again etc.

I have suggested that she should play with other children as well, which she does, they just seem to gravitate towards each other.

I seem to remember falling out a lot with my best friend at school.

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 29/04/2014 12:24

I don't have a 7 yo daughter myself but I do know this is totally normal. Just let her get on with it, she needs to forge her own friendships and she will learn as she goes.

Original poster

annoyedmum10 · 29/04/2014 12:54

Thanks Betty,

OP posts:

Chrysanthemum5 · 29/04/2014 13:00

I have an almost 7 year old. In general, she plays with everyone, and doesn't have a best friend. She also plays with boys (thanks to having an older brother). I'm quite grateful to be honest. Other mums in her class tell me about their child falling out with their best friend, becoming friends again, falling out again - plus when they fall out then 2 or 3 of the other girls will then not play with them.

I encourage DD to have friends who don't go to the same school as I think that helps keep school in perspective. So, maybe try some clubs such as Rainbows?

I suspect she does need to just get on with learning about friendships, and trying to not let it upset her. But, as her parent I imagine it must be quite hard to watch.

HauntedNoddyCar · 29/04/2014 13:00

Based on dd's y2 friendship group it seems that this is chaotic point in their friendships. It has been full of drama. I suspect they are all hitting some development point which is making them view friends differently.

It's wearing though.

Permanentlyexhausted · 29/04/2014 13:10

Totally normal. I run a Brownie Unit full of 7/8 year old girls and it's like trying to referee world war 3 at times!

bragmatic · 29/04/2014 13:15

I have a 7 year old and an 8 year old. They both avoid conflict (except with each other!!) and I can't imagine them ever having a friendship like this. It's all kisses and hugs with my 7 year old. She has two very close friends, but tends to be 'friendly' with everyone.

My 8 year old doesn't have a very close friend at school and I think it is because most of the other girls in her class are as you describe in your original OP and she is intimidated (and slightly terrified) by them.

plumchittering · 29/04/2014 13:28

Dd2 is 6 and in Y2 and it's constant falling out and drama here. X falls out with Y, pairs off with Z and leaves Y out, falls out with Z, goes back to Y and exclude Z etc. It drives me mad when she comes home moaning about it but apart from encouraging her to play with a mixture of people and to be kind to everyone, there's nothing I can do about it.

IdaClair · 29/04/2014 13:29

My 7yo DD says everyone in her class is friends with everyone else. I do not know of any incidents of falling out, she never seems worried, upset or excluded. She doesn't seem to use terms like best friend. She gets invited to parties, but not all of them, and seems unbothered when she hears of events she was not at. She has several friends she sees in and out of school and several friends not at her school. She also plays a lot with children of different ages, anywhere from babies to 10yo, out of school and children from reception- yr2 all play together at break in school. And there doesn't seem to be much grouping on gender lines either, the boys and girls play together mostly.

I suspect dd might be a little naive if she thinks everyone is genuinely always friends but she seems unworried and confident about it, so I'll take it.

mrsyattering · 29/04/2014 13:35

I have a 7 yr old Dd, she plays with lots of different kids in her class. Doesn't really have a best friend as such,says her wee brother is her best pal :) She has some girls over for playdates...they all fall out over things all the time. Who get to play with what, who's being the mum/dad/sister in the game, who's being Anna or Elsa in the game.

hazeyjane · 29/04/2014 13:38

So much is down to personality, dd1 is just 8 and has one best friend, never fallen out, she struggles with other friendships. Dd2 is 7 and is friends with pretty much everyone, but never falls out with any of them, everything seems a breeze.

I remember having very stormy friendships at this age and being heartbroken every day over some slight or hurt!

wishingchair · 29/04/2014 13:39

My DD is 7 and is on yr 3. I also have an older DD. My experience is at this age, girls are obsessed with forming secret clubs, bands, dance groups etc etc. My eldest was in a club with a president and a vice-president!!! Then a splinter club got established by the girls fed up of the rules set by the president of the other club . Clearly ripe for massive fallings out on a very regular basis.

There's a difference though between this and a friendship my 7yo has. Just feels different and a bit toxic. This girl won't let dd2 play with other people, is bossy and makes fun of dd when she mucks about being the silly funny child she is. This feels borderline bullying. Not the same the usual ups and downs of normal friendships.

cakeandwine · 29/04/2014 13:46

I have a DD 7 who is constantly falling in and out of friends with her small group of peers. It drives me mad. She has other friends at Brownies, ballet etc but the friends at school are the ones where its all really really good or all really really bad and sometimes just not very nice. I do despair at times and think if she was in a different school with a different group of peers would it be different and wouldn't have such emotional dramas or is this just how she is. I kind of resolve myself it is the latter.

I have a DD 6 who never ever falls out with her friends, although her friendships are less intense and she is more of a play with anyone type.

So maybe it is just the individual with a bit of circumstances thrown in?!

redskyatnight · 29/04/2014 13:50

I have an 8 year old DD and although there is a certain amount of falling out with friends she has a wide friendship circle, so she tends to go and play with some else!

I think this is normal though - certainly DS (now age 10) has pretty much always done what you describe with his best friend, it's a bit of a lottery whether they are best buddies or not-talking-to-each-other-ever-again.

PussInBrogues · 29/04/2014 13:50

like a minefield

JenJoWilson · 29/04/2014 13:59

My DD is nearly 7 and is exactly the same!! I love hearing her tell me and her dad very dramatically over dinner what the latest drama has been. Best frenemies I call her and her mate

stealthsquiggle · 29/04/2014 13:59

My 7yo DD has a friend who she would identify as her "best friend", and they do fall out occasionally (not every week, or not that she reports possibly because I am cruel and nasty Mummy who refuses to take such things seriously) but the friendship is not exclusive on either side - they both have plenty of other friends. As things stand it looks likely that they will be in different classes next year and whilst they are both a little sad about this prospect, they are not heartbroken and will tell you how they will still see each other, so I am not too worried about it.

At the same age, I was a little worried about how interdependent DS and his best friend were, but as their year group has got bigger they have drifted apart - still friends, but neither has or seems to need a "best friend" any more.

I can remember being in lopsided friendships at that age and later - I regarded them as "best (often only) friend" whilst they regarded me as "a friend" . My DC appear to be doing a much better job of this childhood lark than I did.

JenJoWilson · 29/04/2014 14:00

My DD is nearly 7 and is exactly the same!! I love hearing her tell me and her dad very dramatically over dinner what the latest drama has been. Best frenemies I call her and her mate

Bonsoir · 29/04/2014 14:01

I think 7 is when the trouble starts! At my DD's school the DC seemed to get along quite happily as a group without being overly involved with one another, bar a couple of exceptions, until Y3. And then, suddenly, bingo - it's one long story of falling in and out of friendship with drama and other crap.

DD is 9 and in Y5 and is getting more assertive and less bothered by the minority of really unpleasant manipulative girls.

CheeryName · 29/04/2014 14:03

My 7yo DD has 3 close friends and then is friendly with lots of others. They have the occasional fall out over the rules of the game but always sorted within the same playtime as far as I can tell.
Her school is v hot on behaviour and including and being respectful of others, we are lucky she has such a nice group of peers.

listsandbudgets · 29/04/2014 14:12

DD is 8 in year 3 and to be honest I could have written your post almost word for word this time last year. Thankfully this year she's widening her friendship circle as she goes through year 3 and we hear far less of these problems.

She still loves her best friend most fo the time though

shebird · 29/04/2014 14:45

Totally normal, I was very worried by all this with DD1 but with DD2 I just listen to all the very long tales after school. I don't take much notice unless she is upset by something. It always makes me think of a scene in Outnumbered where Karen explains the ins and outs of her friendship drama to her Dad and he is totally lost. Girls eh

Original poster

annoyedmum10 · 29/04/2014 15:38

Glad its not just me then.

Yesterday we are definitely never going to be friends again, today came out of school hugging each other. lol

OP posts:

Appletini · 29/04/2014 15:58

I had this issue as a kid and didn't like being told to just play with someone else. I wanted my parents to be interested in how I felt about it. Maybe listen more and advise less?

elliejjtiny · 29/04/2014 16:15

I have a 7 year old although he's a boy. My friend has a 7 year old DD in the same class and she tells me all about the fallings out which DS1 seems to be oblivious to.

BlowTheBloodyDoorsOff · 29/04/2014 16:27

Second wishingchair re the 'secret clubs'. They're ALWAYS forming them at this age. The in-fighting in DD's secret club at 7yo over the frequently changing 'passwords' was fecking endless!

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