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Original poster

To have sent DD to school when she said she felt unwell?

21 replies

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 29/04/2014 09:49

My 10 year old DD has been moaning about going to school since they went back after Easter, saying she doesn't want to go. Then yesterday she said she hadn't had a day of sick this year and last night she said her tummy hurt. This morning, she was still complaining of a hurt tummy, didn't finish her breakfast and said she felt too unwell to go in.

I told her to get ready and if she felt unwell at school I would collect her but I was sure she would feel fine when she got there. This resulted in her bursting into tears and refusing to get dressed. In the end after a lot of convincing she got ready and I took her to school.

The thing is she has done this a couple of times before and admitted later that she wasn't sick, she just wanted a day off. Also the fact that she had mentioned she hadn't had a day off made me wonder if she was just crying wolf again!

Now I feel guilty for sending her in in case she really was unwell...

Was I BU to make her go?

OP posts:
meditrina · 29/04/2014 09:52

With DC who have form for crying wolf, I'd sent them in unless there was an observable symptom, such as temperature/rash/D&V.

But I would also try to get to the bottom of the school aversion. Has she said anything? Can you talk to her teacher?

Nanny0gg · 29/04/2014 09:53

With no other evidence of illness, yes you were right to send her in.

You might need to get to the bottom of her reluctance to go, though, especially as she is crying about it.

LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 29/04/2014 09:54

'Once you get going you will feel fine'

The phrase used in this household. If she is poorly the school will call and you can collect. But if she is constantly telling you she is unwell you have to explain that you cannot trust her anymore. I used the boy who cried wolf to demonstrate this.

starlight1234 · 29/04/2014 09:55

I would of sent her in and if she is sick at school would then point out if she hadn't lied before you would of believed her....

I agree though is it just after holiday return or something more? That I would look but still send her without evidence of anything else

scouseontheinside · 29/04/2014 09:56

It can be a difficult call, but I would have done the same. If she really is unwell, you'll get a call.

When she gets home, can you watch a bit of telly together, and have a quick chat about how we'd all love a day off every now and then, but everyone has their responsibilities? Also the consequences of crying wolf for future illnesses.

Original poster
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 29/04/2014 09:56

I have tried to ask her about why she doesn't want to go but she has said there is no reason. I will keep trying though and will have a quiet calm chat this evening when her sister isn't around.

I did make sure she had no temperature and that she wasn't looking pale and she looked fine.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 29/04/2014 09:58

I think you did the right thing. If she actually is sick, then firstly she would probs have already spread the 'germs' to her friends anyway and secondly it might teach her to stop telling fibs in the future.

Thetallesttower · 29/04/2014 09:59

I have had to do that recently and it isn't very nice marching a sobbing child up to school, but after a couple of 'iffy' days off where my dd turned out to be not quite as ill as I thought, I decided she had to go in unless really very ill indeed.

It was the right judgement call, I also got the teacher on side and explained I wasn't ignoring her, and she might feel a little unwell, but I thought it was more important to send out the message you do have to go to school, she agreed and would send home if really ill.

It's been much easier since then, my dd says 'I feel a bit ill mummy, but not enough to stay off school'- I think the fuzziness around when to stay off had all got a bit stressful. They also know if they get really ill, they will be sent home, this has happened once.

Thetallesttower · 29/04/2014 10:01

Sootica- it may be that she does have tummy pains, my 10 year old does at the moment go through phases of them, it's the hormones shifting and it isn't very nice. They can't always stay home with such nebulous symptoms, but you don't need to say she's lying though, she may well have stomach pains, just not bad enough to stay off school and distraction may help them. I wouldn't call her a liar though unless you really have good evidence she was fabricating this.

deakymom · 29/04/2014 10:02

i would have done the same thing an i have done the same with my 5 year old he is very school reluctant and it drives me mad he wont go to school but when he gets there he is fine Confused i warn the teacher and ive been called once because his ear hurt but i gave him pain relief and went back home without him its an important lesson for them to learn

Purpleroxy · 29/04/2014 10:05

I think you need to have a talk to her about being honest with you. Talk to her about crying wolf (does she know that actual story?) and try to get her to see it from your pov.

Original poster
SooticaTheWitchesCat · 29/04/2014 10:12

I didn't accuse her of lying. She has fibbed to me about it in the past so I told her I couldn't be sure if she was sick or not. I have also told her I have had to go to work sometimes feeling not 100% but we can't always stay off just because we feel a little unwell.

I have told her the wolf story before so she knows why I have said it.

She has been in an hour now and I have not heard anything from the school yet so hopefully all is fine.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 29/04/2014 10:53

Might be worth an appointment with the teacher too so she can keep an eye on her and see if there's anything going on.

HypodeemicNerdle · 29/04/2014 11:39

I do the same thing with my DD with tummy aches and feeling sick unless she looks unwell too.
I finally got to the bottom of her reasoning, some of the girls in her class were being bitchy. It took ages to get it out of her (she's 9)
Keep going with chatting to her in case there is anything behind it

redandchecker · 29/04/2014 11:42

It's difficult isn't it.

DS has been off with a temperature. Was hyper yesterday although temp still present and today temp fine so sent him in. He also said his tummy still hurt and he didn't want to go back.
I think, if they otherwise are fine send them in and like you said, if they really don't feel well the school will ring.

However, my DS is only 4 and at ten I think I may be a just a bit concerned if my DC kept saying they didn't want to go in. Is there anything else that could be going on maybe?

eggsandwich · 29/04/2014 11:54

Just out of interest what year is your DD in, as my DD is in year 6 and this week they are doing their mocks in preparation of the sats which are due soon, I know that since my DD has started year 6 she's been doing nothing but test, she will be pleased when they are over, there's so much expectation for them to do well it not surprising that some of her classmates have got upset and feeling overwhelmed.

pointythings · 29/04/2014 12:05

My DD2 is 11 and she is definitely suffering from a mix of SATs stress and tummy pains associated with hormones - she's developing fast in the physical sense. She knows she only gets to stay off school with DV or a temp and never tries it on, and she knows the school will call me if she is really ill.

I think you're doing the right thing with your DD, OP.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/04/2014 12:54

I would keep dd off if she said she was unwell. ds on the other hand goes in unless there is a lot of evidence that he is sick.

on what you have posted... I would have sent her in.

SueDoku · 29/04/2014 15:30

I used to hate my Mum when she said in what I thought was a very unsympathetic way 'You'll feel better once you're out', as I tried to wangle a day off school...
Fast forward 20 years and I heard myself saying exactly the same thing to my two DC - one of whom is now saying it to his DS...
Mum was right every time - and you were right to send her in OP Smile

PumpkinPie2013 · 29/04/2014 15:38

I think it was right to send her as she had no other obvious symptoms.

I work in schools and often we have parents coming in with children in the morning who have said they feel unwell.

We always keep an eye on them and would obviously ring home if the child was ill later.

I have to say that 99% of the time, as soon as the parent has gone and the child gets busy with the activities and their friends they are fine and make no further mention of feeling unwell.

If it's happened a couple of times then maybe just mention it to the teacher so he/she can keep an eye on things.

PrincessBabyCat · 29/04/2014 17:06

When I was younger, I used to run the thermometer under warm water to give myself a fever. Mom eventually caught on, asked why I was faking sick to stay home. My dad traveled a lot so we didn't see much of him, so when he was home and working in his home office I'd be "sick" to spend time with him. He'd watch movies with me and play board games (and I wouldn't have to share him with my brother). So usually, when they're young, there's a usually reason they want to stay home. (and yes after that, my dad worked more time out of his schedule to spend time with us on weekends and after school)

Then when I got older, allergies knocked me out, and got to the point that I had to get shots for 5 years. They didn't show symptoms, like fever or anything. Just made me feel crappy, going in didn't help because I was too sick to pay attention and started failing classes. So, there's also the chance that something could be making her feel sick that isn't detectable.

So, yes. Send her to school, but see why she wants to stay home too. :)

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