Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cull classmates from the list in order to give DD a lovely 7th birthday party?

31 replies

VinoTime · 28/04/2014 16:41

My head hurts Sad

I have found and booked a wonderful local venue for DD's 7th birthday party. For £5.95 a head, the children get 2 hours to explore the interactive gallery (soft play, parachutes, lots of things to do with light, sound and colour), watch a 3D film that takes them "into" the future, play party games with the party leader and each get a healthy packed lunch that is provided by the venue. They have also offered to make up a big personalised birthday banner for her free of charge Smile All I have to do is provide the cake. I am absolutely over the moon to have discovered this little gem, which just so happens to be situated in a beautiful world heritage site.

The problem is DD is in a composite class of 25 children - a mix of Primary 2's (18) and 3's (7), and I am a single, low income parent. 10 children would be affordable for me (perhaps a couple more at a big push). The venue is a minimum of 8 and a maximum of 20, so it already stands that we cannot invite everyone.

DD is best friends with possibly the two sweetest children in the world (twins - 1 boy, 1 girl), so a girls only party is out of the question as neither she nor I would ever dream of only inviting the little girl. This of course means we need to invite at least one other little boy so her BF isn't the only one. But how the hell do we decide who to invite and who to not invite?! I don't want to cause any upset, but my hands are tied by both available funds and the venue's restrictions. Also, two of the girls in DD's class are quite nasty wee things and frequently upset/bully her, and I'm really worried that them not receiving an invite will open the floodgates to more teasing Sad

Has anybody got any experience of dealing with this kind of thing and what did you end up doing? Am I being really mean and completely unreasonable to not just book the generic soft play party and invite everyone?

OP posts:
dexter73 · 28/04/2014 16:47

Can you ask your dd to make a list of 10 children? That sounds like a good sized party to me. I did a whole class party once and never did it again!

CoffeeTea103 · 28/04/2014 16:47

Sounds like she will have a lovely party. Can you ask her to pick the friends on a number you decide? I'm not in favour of inviting bullies to parties, why spoil her day.

SpringBreaker · 28/04/2014 16:50

There is no need at all to invite the whole class to a party and I have no idea why people feel that they should. Nothing wrong in a child picking their actual friends. And parents shouldn't feel under pressure to spend more than they can afford either.

ikeaismylocal · 28/04/2014 16:51

I would just ask her to choose 10 friends. I don't think you need to invite another boy just to keep the boy twin company, if he's good friends with your dd and he has atwin sister he's going to be able to talk to girls.

Sounds like a fab party!

WilsonFrickett · 28/04/2014 16:53

10 is a small enough number to not seem like you are excluding one or two children, iyswim, so just get your DD to pick her ten 'best' friends.

Inviting 20 and leaving 5 out would be a bit too close to the bone imo, so keeping it smaller means you won't leave anyone out and it will be cheaper, so it's a win-win.

Don't invite the bullies.

WilsonFrickett · 28/04/2014 16:54

keeping it smaller means you won't look like you're leaving one or two out

TeenAndTween · 28/04/2014 16:55

Invite 10 (at most). if they all come you'll be up to 11, unlikely more than 3 won't be able to go.
Don't bother about inviting extra boy - just mention to the Mum that the twin boy has been invited in his own right (not just a pity invite due to sister), but no other boys will be there. He can then choose to accept or not.
Never done a whole class party. Never will.

iwantavuvezela · 28/04/2014 16:56

another one who thinks you dont have to invite another boy - my 6 year old DD has been the only girl at a party, and she did not mind at all. I think you need to ask your DD to put together a list, give her the number and invite those. Personally i think inviting 10 (even a few more if you wanted) from that size class is fine - i dont think we have ever had a full class party with my daughters class in the last 3 years ....

ClubName · 28/04/2014 16:58

Absolutely. Just ask dd which 10 she wants to invite. Or maybe 12 as you'll probably get a couple of no shows

shebird · 28/04/2014 16:59

My DD (also 7) is having a small party and has only invited one boy, he is ok about it. Invite who your DD wants to be there and what you can manage. and don't fret about trying to keep everyone happy.

BillyBanter · 28/04/2014 17:00

Ask her for a list of 7, that makes 8. That gives you a 2 child leeway in case she pleads the case for Marnie or Olivia.

ILoveWooly · 28/04/2014 17:07

Sounds fab - wonders where it is?!?!?

I agree with everyone inviting 10 is ideal in both size and budget.

Walkacrossthesand · 28/04/2014 17:13

And pleeease don't agree to the bullies coming unless you can be 100% sure DD hasn't just put them on the list for fear if repercussions if they're not invited...

Valdeeves · 28/04/2014 17:14

Where is it? Sounds awesome!

SarcyMare · 28/04/2014 17:15

my son is often the only boy at play dates, this has never bothered him once. he is 7

Original poster
VinoTime · 28/04/2014 17:17

Thank you for the replies Smile

I did a girls only princess themed party last year to avoid upset on why the whole class didn't get an invite. Think the final number came to 16 as DD's class last year was a good bit bigger. Naturally I made the mistake of having it at my house. Promised myself that would never happen again - the clean-up took me days.

I thought 10 was quite a nice manageable number. But I've overheard some of the mums at the school gates moaning about their child not getting invited to such and such's birthday so such and such was henceforth vetoed from any of their children's parties and on and on and on. Makes me sad. If I could afford a big blow-out party where everyone could come, I'd have one. Unfortunately, it's just not the case as money's too tight. I want DD to have lovely day and nice memories to look back on.

And I have to admit, though maybe I shouldn't as maybe it makes me a terrible person, my first thought when I found this place was: We can get out of inviting the bullies! Blush

OP posts:
schmee · 28/04/2014 17:18

I would just invite 8, then it's definitely a "small" party. And don't worry about only inviting one boy. My DS (7) gets invited to girls' parties and frequently another boy is invited to keep him company. I think he'd rather just lord it amongst the women folk though.

Sunnymeg · 28/04/2014 17:19

To be honest, by the time they are 7 they have their own circle of friends and it tends to be that circle doing things together, rather than a whole class party.

Andrewofgg · 28/04/2014 17:41

Yes, get her to choose her friends. No need for a second boy.

WooWooOwl · 28/04/2014 17:45

Just get her to choose.

2rebecca · 28/04/2014 17:46

If you only invite 10 people then yes your child may not get invited to parties by those not invited but is that so terrible? Does it matter if a child isn't invited to a party of someone they're not that fussed about anyway? Adults don't expect to get invited to every one they work with's parties why should children be different? It's an opportunity for your child to learn that as you get older you select who you want to spend time with. I only once did a whole class party age 4-5 then just had 5-8. It maybe reduced the number of parties my kids got invited to but they generally weren't fussed. My son tended to like having some girls to his parties and was disappointed when they had girls only parties but we explained that's life and you don't invite people to parties just to get invited back, you invite people because you like them and think having them at your party will be fun.

TeacupDrama · 28/04/2014 17:48

I think 10/25 is fine so is 15/25 but 20/25 is not it is obvious some are not chosen, I reckon you can ask upto 60% of class without it looking odd

you need 8 to avoid a couple of no shows or refusals would send 9-10 invites max

GoldenGytha · 28/04/2014 17:48

Just invite your DDs closest friends. I have two now adult DDs and I never had a whole class party for either of them. The DD whose birthday it wasn't always got to invite their special friend, and birthday girl's friends made up the rest, never had more than 8-10 children and more often than not I just had a party in the house for them.

Waswondering · 28/04/2014 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/04/2014 17:51

I couldn't afford the 'whole class gets invited' type extravaganza and in any case was advised many moons' ago, to invite only those classmates my DC liked and not those who bully 'tease' ie those who habitually made them unhappy.

Swipe left for the next trending thread