AIBU To consider ending it all?

[NerdyFace]

It's probably going to be a long one and I have nowhere else to post this as people are bound to know me in every other form of social media I have..

I am bi-polar and for a while this was managed slightly by medication but I was awful to all of those around me and it generally made my life even worse because I couldn't even enjoy the brief times I was happy because the pills made everything numb.

I have been with my partner for close to seven years now and it's getting to the point where even being with her isn't doing enough to make me see any kind of silver lining or possibility of a decent future.

I have been unemployed for the best part of 4 years, I have nothing in the way of skills or qualifications and when I did work, I was only ever hired for basic admin or call centre work. As such I have taken it upon myself to take all of the domestic chores and make sure my partner never has to do any of it, it seems unfair that she should be the only one working and supporting us both and then have to do things around the house.

The one thing I have ever been good at is video/photo editing from home and It's been a dream of mine to work for myself and try to earn some money independently so I could help and contribute so it wasn't all on her shoulders but the amount of money I would need to set myself up makes it impossible for me to do that and I could never ask her for the money, nor do I think she would agree to front me the money.

I just see no way of anything getting better in any possible way, I am at the lowest I have been for a while and I just frankly am tired of crying, being miserable and being a burden on the people around me.

I suppose this is more of a rant than an AIBU, sorry I just needed this off my shoulders.

Photo video editing stuff is not that expensive. Can get a computer capable for 500 and a decent camera for 200.

Surely you could earn enough to at least get the equipment, then start it as a hobby that could turn it into a earner?

Find what you like doing and find your purpose in life. At least you know what area you want to go into.

YABU to consider ending it all, YANBU to be feeling that way.

I'd suggest talking to your partner about how you're feeling. She needs to know that you're not doing so well right now.

Check out your local college, some run courses for unemployed people at a heavily discounted rate or even for free. It will give you a new scenario, people to talk to, a chance to learn something new and a purpose.

I'd also suggest speaking to your GP about how you're feeling, and a counsellor if you can get one. In the meantime, please don't do anything silly, YOU MATTER.

The mental health boards on here are excellent and very supportive. I use them a lot! (Bipolar too)

You need to try some voluntary work. All of the self-worth with none of the stresses.

I agree with SaucyJack volunteering made my anxiety so much better. You should go for the video editing stuff too, even if they outlay i quite big, if it's something you love and will use for years it's a brilliant investment.

I'm really sorry you're going through such a low period though. It really is crap. Don't beat yourself up about it though, it's not your decision to feel this way, only feel bad about the things within your control.