Dp has come in from work this morning ranting about having checked his bank account last night and how shocked he was at how little money was in it (over 5k so not exactly brasic). We downsized recently and he had about 10 that didn't go into the new house but was out to one side for redecorating and furniture etc. HE has spent about 4k across solicitor fees from his divorce, car repairs, 1k on a shed, new work bench and shelving etc. But he has come home ranting that "we" need to reign it in and he is worried how we will manage. I am currently on maternity leave and my final pay is this week so I am feeling shitty enough as it is that after this month's bills I have nothing to my name bar about £100 in savings as everything I have /had has gone on the new baby. He knows I am feeling crap about my finance situation but there is nothing we can do. My job won't let me go part time in the role I was doing and the job they are offering I physically cannot do due to a work related injury that's still under investigation but basically needs an operation that the surgeon will not even consider for another 6-10 years as the risk is I would lose more movement in my arm. Even without that the drop in my wages alone wouldn't cover the childcare costs so dp would still have to top itbup and pay for my day to day expenses like car etc so we would be even worse off so he has insisted I give up work to look after dd.
I know he doesn't mean to make me feel shit and like a complete failure and is just venting, but I feel awful.
I go without everything so I don't out added strain on him, I honestly have 1 pair of jeans and 2 tops that fit me and are presentable enough to leave the house in (everything else has baby stains on it or has developed holes or is simply too small) and I feel horrid that I cannot afford to buy anything.
Our earnings mean under the new tax credits system we get zero help which makes me so cross!! At least under the old system we wouldbhave got £400 which would have paid a significant amount of the childcare bill. Despite being disabled toothed point I cannot work I am not disabled enough to get daddy according to my consultant sonic literally rely on dp for everything and I am so upset.
I suffer with depression and anxiety anyway so that is probably blowing it out of proportion but I just feel so shit!!
Dd was not planned btw I was told I couldn't have kids so no option to save iyswim and EVERYTHING she has is second hand bar the essentials. Which is another bone of contention as dsc's got new everything and my dsis is pregnant and won't stop going on about how much they are spending on new X and new y