AIBU to be a bit peed off at this

[motherofmonster]

So i dont drip feed i will try to get it out best i can.
XH and i have been seperated for 2 years and he has monthly access to our ds4.
The other weekend ds4 has came home and i asked if he had a good time at daddies and he said , oh we didnt stay at daddies, we stayed at his new friends sarahs house, and me and her son slept in his bed for a sleepover.

When i asked XH about this he said oh yeah she is a mate, ive known her a few weeks, she lives a couple of roads away and has a few kids that ds4 likes to play with.

Now i know that people are move on and that we are seperated (my choice and i am very happy with that choice) but i just feel its a bit off because i know nothing about this woman or her family and in all honesty (and im ready for a flaming) i dont think that ds4 should be having anything to do with a woman he has just started seeing before it is a long term or stable relationship.
And i would put the same restraints on my own relationship as well.. i dont want my ds4 to go through his childhood with a conveyer belt of 'aunts and uncles'

Also someone in the family has already had a relationship breakdown grandad and his long term partner who he called nanny, and ds4 has been asking questions as to why he doesnt get to see nanny anymore as she doesnt live ith grandad anymore.

I know i am prob being unreasonable and a part of it is just me finding it hard to deal with that ds4 is going to have a whole other part of his life that i am not a part of, but i know i wouldnt have a issue with this if he was being introduced to this lady and her family if it was a stable serious relationship

YANBU. Did your ds have a good time?

I would feel the same as you for what it's worth, mother.

YANBU, but you can't control what happens on contact time if no harm is coming to your child.

thank you ladies, i know i should wind my neck in a bit and im sure he would of had a good time, just something doesnt sit right with me, but thats my problem.

At the moment they seem to be treating it like a friendship, and presenting it as such to the children, regardless of what their relationship is. Would you mind if he took DS4 to a male friend's house for a sleepover? If not, YABU, understandably so but, if steps are being taken to protect his feelings, you can't stop ex from moving on or making new friendships. And, if DS4 had a good time with the other children, that's a good thing, surely?

Maybe you could have a friendly chat with ex and see what the situation is, and see what you agree can be done to protect DS4 if it is the beginning of a lover relationship, like keep presenting it as just a friendship to all the children until the relationship is definitely stable and not just a fling?

It's understandable that you are a bit miffed, but as far as your ds is concerned, he's gone round to play with friends and slept over. Nothing there for you to object to, same as your ex couldn't object if he slept over at a mate's when he was in your care.
Your ds is in the care of his Dad, and it's his Dad's call who he then hangs out with - he doesn't need to get any of his friends approved by you, and you don't need to get any friends approved by him.

i know you are all right, its one of those things that i have to accept and hope it is handled right so that ds doesnt end up confused or have people coming in and out of his life (i know this is life and it will happen) but so far he has only spent time with family and close friends.

And your right i abu and need to get heart and head working together a bit more

Thank you ladies x