To be annoyed with moany friend?

[cithkadston]

I have been friends with her for about 5 years and she has always been a moaner, so I don't think she is suffering from depression. She is in her thirties but is very spoilt by her parents and always has been, so I think she just moans whenever anything does not suit her. Lately her moaning seems to be grating on me more and more.

Yesterday she popped round to my house for about half an hour; during that half hour all she did was moan. She moaned about the weather (it was too cold and wet for her), she moaned about her job (the new job she has started after hating her old one), she moaned about her ex DH, she moaned because she was tired. Nothing is ever positive with her, and I literally cannot get a word in edgeways sometimes because of her moaning.

AIBU to be a bit fed up with her moaning? I always feel a bit down and deflated when I've seen her as the moaning drains me. I try to be upbeat and positive as much as possible, and I try to turn her moans into positives, or to ask her what she is going to do about it, but in all honesty she doesn't listen to any advice. I don't think she actually wants any solutions or to resolve anything, she just wants to moan.

It's good to have a moan every now and again. But if that's all she does then that is tedious.

Have you asked her why she is so negative and unhappy with everything?

I haven't asked her as such, but I try hard to help her to see the positives in every situation. Such as pointing out that she hated her job and the hours that she had to work, and how her new job is far less hours and is much more in the vein of what she wants to do.

Are you sure she isn't depressed but looking like she's holding it together

I have a friend who behaves in a similar way. It is very draining. If she's not moaning about something then she is telling me how irritated she is about something.

From the outside she appears to have everything she could want, but it is not enough.

I am distancing myself from her.it is too exhausting to hear how crap everything is every time we talk.

Ask her then. If she breaks down in a sobbing heap, guide her towards her doctor and some kind of help.

If she looks at you like you've just said something awful and untrue (because she doesn't think she's a moaner), then distance yourself.

I know someone like this, I've known her for nearly 40 years and she's been like it for all of our adult lives. You have my sympathy because it is so draining and tedious. I get what you mean about not getting a word in for all the moaning! My friend doesn't want solutions either, she just wants to moan.

So nowadays I distance myself, and only see her occasionally, and when she starts I just switch off. Could you try something like that? Because it does wear you down when all someone does is moan and complain about everything.

I work with someone like this. Very annoying. All she does is moan about her own problems. It never seems to occur to her that other people might have problems of their own and don't want to constantly hear about every minor thing that's not going perfectly in her life.

I don't think putting up with it is going to do any good, it doesn't help anyone.

Depending on your relationship with her I'd either try asking her directly - "You seem really, really unhappy and I'm worried about you. Is there anything I can do to help?" ... or keep replying to every negative comment with a positive one - "It's bloody raining again" ... "I know, it's brilliant for my garden, I'm so pleased". But it sounds like that second option isn't going to work so you might just have to be direct.

If you think she's never going to change and it's just part of her personality (rather than some sort of depression) then I'd question why you're even friends and look to distance yourself.

Leaving it as it is and quietly seething isn't the answer.

Oh, you could also ask her why whatever she's moaning about is a problem and what she's going to do about it. That way she might start to learn that she can't just moan, she has to moan and think at the same time.

The childish option would be to try and top every one of her moans. If she says it's cold, tell her about Canadian winters. If she says her job is terrible talk about the people who work in sewers. It probably won't help at all, but it might be fun.

I had a friend like that. I cut contact after she moaned to me about not being invited to my family only wedding. When I pointed out it was family only, she complained that because I had told her about it, I should have invited her. Haven't spoken to her again. Just sick of the negativity.

Stop seeing her if all you get out of the friendship is a headache.

Oh I know someone like you mentioned GoldenGytha I have known this woman for 6 yrs now she is my downstairs neighbour and when I first met her she was very pleasent but over the months she became a constant moaner,everything in her life was someone else's fault from her 2 divorces to her children who did not like her ? well who was the "common denominator" in the picture I thought to myself and have slowly but surely distanced myself from her as she was wearing me down.To the ops in future can you not be too busy to invite your friend into your home maybe just on your way to meet someone or go somewhere ? she may soon get the message she sounds very needy to me.

I know someone like this. She is such a lovely person but has a very negative outlook on life. She is always moaning.

I deal with it by being super sunny and cheerful as an antidote. I make it a game. I challenge myself to see if I can actually manage to counteract every single negative thing she says.

I have a friend like that. Always moaning, always down. She also repeats and repeats and repeats. We were once out shopping and sitting on a wall on a lovely day and all she did was say the same thing over and over and over so I kept repeating what a lovely day it was and how sunny it was.

I often say "It's being so cheerful that keeps you going, isn't it??"

She is also uber aggressive but thinks I am moody (i ignore her when she is in full rant mode).

It is extremely draining and never relaxing so my visits are limited!!!

She can be lovely though.