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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i havent done it yet

19 replies

OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 10:51

I am considering emailing my former MIL in regards to the joint account. It's currently overdrawn as the bank took back the overdraft. I have made an arrangement with the bank for me to pay off the amount owed over a period of time. (it was my ex's account and he had the overdraft when he added my name to it, and was overdrawn. I have already given him over half towards it but he chose to spend that money elsewhere)

I wanted to email her stating the situation of the account that I have made arrangements to pay off the amount but I would appreciate her speaking with my now ex husband about removing my name from the account as it is the only thing that links us now.

I want to change my name but I can't do so without notifying the bank and therefore him knowing (correspondence are addressed to both of us). I also know he gets things on credit and never bothered to pay for them. Having a joint account means I am financially linked to him and affects my credit too.

I don't want to speak to him about it as there is a harrassment order in place, and he is very controlling so will probably like it affecting me still.

The bank states they need both of our consent to remove me from the account or close it

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 27/04/2014 10:56

Have you made your bank aware of the issues about harassment etc? They may be able to remove your name from the account, or freeze it, under the circumstances.

kinkytoes · 27/04/2014 10:58

Contact experian the credit checking service for advice.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 10:59

Its already in dispute but they can't seem to contact him and are chasing me for the debt.

They are aware of the situation but can't help resolve it. They have suggested I get a solicitor to write to him, but I don't know his address so that's pointless anyway.

My main concern is his credit affecting mine and him knowing my new surname when I change it as he is the reason I am changing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 11:01

Experian have said we are still financially connected as we share the debt on the account and still have a joint account. I did look into financial disassociation and wouldn't protect me from him tracking me down.

OP posts:
DoJo · 27/04/2014 12:05

Is the account frozen so that he cannot withdraw any more money from it? Unfortunately, you cannot have your name taken off unilaterally so he would have to agree, which I'm guessing is why you want to contact your MIL. Unfortunately, the bank will not consider you responsible for half the outstanding amount each, but if you think you ex MIL might be able to help resolve things then it can't hurt to try, so long as your ex cannot run up more debts if he decides to try and 'punish' you. I would get that in writing from the bank first before you take any further action.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 12:09

The bank account has been in dispute and frozen for nearly a year.

How am I supposed to get the consent of someone I don't know where they live and who I have no contact with. Who has an harassment order on him so he can't contact me.

I am aware the bank don't see me as only responsible for half hence I am paying it off (though in instalments as I can't afford it all at once)

I can't afford solicitors and court fees either to get rid of this account.

OP posts:
kinkytoes · 27/04/2014 12:54

Sounds like contacting her is your only option at the moment then. These situations are horrible. The rules seriously need to change.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 13:02

I don't get why as a victim of severe violence and abuse, in every form he still gets control.over me! His credit affecting mine could affect me getting a mortgage (not that I plan to anytime soon I'm not in the position to do so)

OP posts:
littledrummergirl · 27/04/2014 14:35

This probably goes against every piece of financial information ever given, but if I were in your position and felt as though I had no choice but to pay of the loan, I would ask the bank for a loan in my name to clear the debt on that account. Then I would change my name when we were no longer linked. There may be a credit union who could help, someone else may know.
I would be pissed at having to take on his debt though.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 14:40

its a joint account. They have agreed to make interest free payments over the next 6months.

So long as I have the account I have to tell them of a change of name because my other account is with them

I don't have much choice. It's that or end up with a ccj against me as well as him

OP posts:
Fumingnora · 27/04/2014 14:45

I know it's not the best thing but if you pay off everything owed then once that's done ask to fill in the form regarding getting you moved from the account then ask the bank to send the bit which he needs to sign off to the address they hold for him and hopefully it will be the right one.

AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow · 27/04/2014 14:46

Close your other account and continue with your arrangement re the debt then? How would the bank know you'd changed your name if you didn't tell them?

ImSoOverIt · 27/04/2014 14:46

But what drummer girl is suggesting is to take out a separate loan, pay the overdraft immediately and then close the account. Then name change etc.

ImSoOverIt · 27/04/2014 14:48

Also while the account is still open he could use it and build up more debt

FelineLou · 27/04/2014 14:51

But this debt is interest free. A loan would charge interest.

littledrummergirl · 27/04/2014 18:01

Thats why I said it probably goes against all financial advice Wink
If op can afford to pay the interest on the loan and is prepared to as a quicker exit then my suggestion is good.
If op is either unable or unwilling to pay interest then my suggestion is crap and needs to be ignored Grin.
It is only a suggestion.

Original poster
OurMiracle1106 · 27/04/2014 18:12

I can't close the account without his consent either because there is a dispute open on the account. It has been put into dispute so he can't get into further debt.

OP posts:
deakymom · 27/04/2014 23:34

you cant close the account either? you really need to discuss that one with the bank if you clear the debt then he can get it into debt again they need to close the account for you then you can pay it off tell them you will go to the ombudsman if they refuse its ridiculous for them to keep open a disputed account which is overdrawn

deakymom · 27/04/2014 23:37

the other thing is you can change your name but you dont have to at the bank my sil has an account in her first married name still and uses it (name) for work purposes as long as you are paying and not trying to avoid paying by changing your name its fine

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