paraplegic brother and serious issues with carers

[heraldgerald]

Please forgive a separate thread about my brother. It's such a huge sprawling mess I need to decompartmentalise, not drip feed. Posters have been enormously supportive, knowledgeable and kind, and I am gathering myself and information to see if I can undertake a professional negligence claim.

My mother has taken over recruitment and employment of carers. She has been accused of bullying and harassment in the past. I can't explain easily what she is like, but she is very charming and very vivacious, but also highly gullible, believes any professional, has huge fits of road rage, gets in physical alterations in these road rage incidents. She is on anti depressants but will accept no further psychological or psychiatric support.

I have tried, believe me. She will not listen to me or take my advice seriously about making serious attempts to manage her behaviour.

My brother is her life and she wants full control and involvement. It is like watching a train crash but being a able to do nothing to stop it.

We have had two complaints brought against her and my brother for contravention of employment law. She just will not understand that the carers have rights and she cannot treat them as she sees fit when in a temper tantrum. This has cost money in pay outs I'm not sure how much.

The most recent issue has been that she had support from a charity to do pay roll and recruitment. What has happened is that without my mum or bro knowing, the professional working for the charity and supporting my mum and my mum felt she was amazing, she advised her brother in law that a job was going in my brothers care team.

This man then got the job. This woman from the charity then started paying him extra expenses, which my mum signed off. Then she said he should be paid as much as the team leader when covering his shifts. Then she bulldozed my mum into agreeing he should be made permanent at a recent team meeting. Then my mum found out she was related to the new carer.

Then my mum was told she has been taken off the case due to conflict of interest but I think it is deceit and corruption and this carer should not be made permanent. Aibu? please help I am at my wits end.

Ps he is only 6 weeks into his probationary period and nothing has been put in writing.

I'm sorry to hear about this, but I think you need specialist legal advice for something so complex and AIBU isn't the best place for it.

Thanks sooty. I don't know where to turn .

Not a legal expert.
I think this is underhand and the charity worker should be appropriately disciplined through their HR procedures. You can ask not to have that BIL carer on your DB's team and I would hope that would be regarded as a reasonable request. Is it really worthy of a professional negligence claim? The time and hassle factor for you and your volatile mum? The charity would have to pay out if something was proven not either of the individuals?

My advice would be put it down to experience and get power of attorney of your brother's finances so your mum no longer deals with that side of things before you run out of local options. She can still care for him in all the other ways.

It sounds like your family is having such a hard time just now, and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this.

A quick google just found this, The Disability Law service who might be able to help.

There's also this Disability Rights UK which has some information about where to turn for legal help.

If he is still on probation then surely you can just let him go at the end of that period?

Does your mum want to keep him on?

Thanks isen. My other thread is about the total balls up of the financial side, not directly related to this issue. Thanks for the hr advice, I will take this to her boss. I can't take over as it would quite literally have to be over dms dead body, much as I would like to.

Woo, thanks for your support again, it means a lot. I'll look into the links you suggest.

Hi indrid, can we literally just let him go with no ramifications? My brother likes him and I think they want to avoid the hassle of recruitment.

But I think better safe than sorry and thatdeceit like this bodes ill.

I think you need someone who will be an advocate directly for your brother, as it sounds like your Mum is a big part of the problem here. Even though she's probably just trying to do her best, it clearly isn't working. This is why the independent trustees are supposed to be there, but if they aren't doing their job properly then it all goes wrong.

I think the biggest thing you need to do is find someone who you can talk to about all of this who can go through everything with you and help you put together a plan of action to start getting everything sorted.

I'm guessing your brother has issues other than the paraplegia, as I know many paraplegics don't need carers and can manage their money themselves. This would make him extremely vulnerable, and there are laws to protect him. They just need to be enforced.

I work for social services and this sounds all very dodgy indeed. Will be back later.

Is this funded by direct payments? If so I would start by talking to your brothers social worker (because the charity will be contracted by social services)

This is very complex and my first thought is how much influence does your mum's attitude have over the current situation?

I think it is not uncommon for jobs in this sector to be recruited via "word of mouth" so that in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. If you enjoy working as part of someone's team you may well recommend others who might not necessarily apply through a recruitment process.

If you are happy with the worker then I think you should keep him on. On the other hand trust is vital in this type of situation so if you feel that has broken down then I would not hesitate to let the person go.

If you think the person at the payroll service behaved inappropriately that should be followed up with a formal complaint.

With regards to the expenses and salary issue that should be covered in the contract of employment so not sure how your mum can have felt bullied. Again this needs to be followed up with a formal complaint.

Thanks again woo. We can't afford to pay anyone to directly advocate as we have no money and my mum won't let me. And yes, she is a huge part othe problem. I called my brother paraplegic but in fact the medical term for his condition is hypoxic tetroplegia. He is socially, cognitively and emotionally impaired follows the brain damage is well as being unable to walk. He has severe spacicity and bone calcification. his behaviour is certainly challenging but this is certainly in response to a circular with my mother's behaviour and emotional regulation difficulty.

,Thanks just, please do.
Saintly I'm not sure but I will contAct the s w.

Thanks time. What you say makes a lot of sense.

Course he shouldn't be made permanent, he has betrayed your trust and as such has destroyed any hope of a decent working relationship.

Is it possible that your mother could possibly look into finding a company to provide the carers so they rather than her are the employers and she is simply in a contractual relationship with the company rather than individual employees?

The links I gave are for charities that will provide their services for free, as will the CAB. But going to the social worker is a good idea too.

Another quick thought from me. Do you feel your mother is acting in your brother's best interests? Does she have legal / financial guardianship over him? I am in Scotland so the terminology may be different.

Would good residential care be a possibility if your brother would benefit from being away from your mother? How would he feel about that? Would he prefer it?

Also it think it might be possible to find someone to advocate for free. Are you in contact with any relevant disability charities who may be able to offer you support?

Thanks aerm,that's what I think. We have used a company like that before, but now no money left so can't.

Time, she has total control over everything since the money ran out and no more to pay the legal fees for deputyship.

I do think she wants the best for my bro but perhaps not the capacity to do it. But there is nothing that I personally can do about it.

Aerm they are dead set against residential. Terrified of poor or abusive care. This has happened before in his own home, including leaving him on the floor, dropping him repeatedly etc. The current team leader and second in command are very kind.

My mum believes that if he were to move to a less expensive London borough then his at home care costs would not be covered and he would be forced into residential care by a cost cutting la. I can't believe this would be the case?

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I think you really need to take steps to get your mother out of the picture as she isn't capable of looking after your brother's best interests. It may well be that he would qualify for legal aid for help and advice on this. I'd strongly recommend that you get in touch with solicitors who specialise in this area, for instance Angela Jackman or Julie Cornes at Maxwell Gillott.

Oh Lord ic. It would cause ww3. I have tried but she just will not let me. Thank you for giving me names of people, makes it more real for me to take action.

I have a lot of trauma and blocks around this because I can't really cope with it. Thanks for the support both practical and emotional.