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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my colleagues attitude stinks?

10 replies

IMetAManWhoWasntThere · 25/04/2014 23:14

We are a small team at work, quite close and have a good laugh with each other (6 men and 4 women.)

One of the male colleagues (joined the same time as me, just over a year) will only ever make effort with one of the other men - ridiculous over the top effort. Everyone else he probably wouldn't bother to speak to - not in an arrogant way, more in an oblivious way.

One of the women left this week and I was asked to do a collection (we do this for everyone) and he refused to contribute anything to it. I bought a tiny cake today and before I had a chance to offer it out he'd come straight over to my desk and helped himself without asking or saying one word of thanks.

I just think if you can't be bothered to contribute to someones leaving, it's a little cheeky to help yourself to their cake.

We run little incentives every other week and someone will buy some chocolate or sweets, and whoever wins always share it out afterwards. This colleague got a large chocolate Easter egg and shoved it straight in his bag to take home.

I know I might get a few comments like we must not be a team of nice people - but we genuinely are. He is just grating on me, that he is very much a taker and never gives anything back.

OP posts:
Peekingduck · 25/04/2014 23:20

You need to speak up. You sat and watched him help himself to the cake and didn't say a word. What was wrong with "Oy! You didn't pay in for that, you don't get any!".
Personally, I don't see the point of an incentive that then gets shared round the whole office. You might as well just share it out and be done with it. Normally if you win something it's yours to enjoy. On that point I think the whole lot of you need to actually state what the purpose of that little game is.
Ignoring people, again, just speak up. "Morning! Hey, Jim, morning... I meant you!"

DoJo · 25/04/2014 23:25

The cake is cheeky - if he doesn't want to be a part of someone's leaving do then that's his prerogative.
The incentive - it's nice that people share out their 'winnings' but if there's no obligation to do so then it's fair enough for him to take it home. Does he accept the 'shared items'?
I think this is a case of 'be the better person'. Ignore it - don't let it annoy you and don't get drawn into petty retaliations as it could make your working life unbearable. Just be glad that you only have to work with him and you can leave him at the office.

stayanotherday · 25/04/2014 23:29

That's rude.

Sparrowlegs248 · 25/04/2014 23:52

Its rude. We take turns to buy cakes/treats oetc. I often bake a nice cake. There are colleagues (2) that always partake but NEVER return the favour. And some that actually get annoyed if i bring something homemade to work as a snack (flapjack or cookie) but don't 'bring enough for everyone' (this is happening more often...)

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2014 00:08

Why didn't you say something when he took the cake?

Original poster
IMetAManWhoWasntThere · 26/04/2014 00:14

Why didn't you say something when he took the cake?

Well I just thought as it was for sharing anyway I might look a little petty.

I bought the cake myself (not out of the collection money)

OP posts:
flash49 · 26/04/2014 00:22

Could he maybe not read social clues very well? Asperger's perhaps

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2014 08:58

Could he maybe not read social clues very well? Asperger's perhaps

Or could he just be very rude?

Most workplaces have someone like that. We had a very well-paid member of staff who put in 50p and no more in every collection (and they weren't that frequent!),

Still wish we'd all done the same to her...

ThePriory · 26/04/2014 09:15

He sounds like a classic nob, but there's not a lot u can do without coming across petty and wingey... Just ignore him, keep your head high!

LtEveDallas · 26/04/2014 09:31

We've finally got pissed off in our office with 2 people that never contribute to 'goodies' coming in and helping themselves. We've cleared out a large drawer and put it all in there now. We've been doing it for the last couple of weeks and on Friday one of the 2 finally said "are you lot all on diets or something? Where's all the snacks?". I said "What snacks? Do you mean the lunches that we bring in for ourselves and share with each other, or the ones you don't contribute to, ever?"

He just humphed and walked back out Smile

I'm tempted to bake a cake this weekend and bring in 5 large individual slices (just for us) and see what is said then. The last time I baked a banana cake he ate over half of it to himself, just sitting there troughing whilst we all looked on aghast.

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