to expect our SCBU baby to not be neglected?

[MicrochipsAndMemories]

Bear with me, I am very tired and haven't had much sleep since our son was born at 1:40am Tuesday morning.

The back story - IVF baby. Measuring small at 36 weeks (actually measuring as 34). Monitored for a week. My wife had all the signs of pre-eclampsia so they stared induction at exactly 37 weeks. Induction worked but after 16.5 hours of contractions they rushed my wife in for a emergency c-section as baby was distressed.

Baby was born weighing just short of 5lb. Took a while to breath but other than that doing ok. They took him straight to SCBU because of his weight and his blood glucose kept dropping.
My wife was recovering on a different ward from her c-section but managing to spend quite a bit of time with him. She was discharged on day 2 and since then we have spent all day sat with him.

He was moved out of a incubator into a cot this morning because he's fine other than needing to be able to drink from a bottle or breast. He has a feeding tube which they said was for if he wont feed.

When he is crying they just give him a dummy while my wife is using a machine to express milk sat next to him because the staff don't want us to disturb him between his scheduled tube feeds? Not sure how he's supposed to learn to take a bottle/breast if they don't let him try. He hasn't managed to suckle properly on the breast but they really haven't allowed him to try more than I think 3 times since he was born. My wife is using the pump to get milk for him to have from a bottle but they don't want to give him it in a bottle because it will wake him up so they give him it down his nasal tube instead. They say he can go home once his blood glucose has settled and he's feeding from either bottle or breast properly, how's that going to happen if they wont let him try? It's frustrating and it is starting to upset my wife.

My wife had a 15 min cuddle earlier and that's all she got today. I would say she has had a cuddle with him for no more than 3 hours since he was born. This just seems wrong. How are they to bond and how is he to learn how to breast feed if they wont let him try?

They also wanted to leave him 9 hours without checking his nappy which seems like an awfully long time for a new born baby, or any baby really.
We changed it at 2pm and then they wouldn't let us change it again because, again, it would wake him. It got to 8pm and we asked if we could change it before we left and they said no, "a nappy can last all night if you want it to" and they said they'll change it at 11. 9 hours after his last change??? So I just changed it anyway and it's a good job I did because it was soaked and soiled. They then wanted us to lay him straight in the cot to settle himself but I passed him to my wife to have a good cuddle before we had to go home.

Tomorrow should we just do the things we want to do or should we trust that they know best? My wifes instincts seem to be right? He did need his nappy changed. He does want to suckle, they just wont let him :(

Any advice would be great.

Thank you. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, we're both really tired :lol:

This thread is making my blood run cold.

You hear all this stuff about kangaroo care, what's best for babies, breastfeeding support etc etc, but out on the coal face we might as well still be in the dark ages.

It can't be everywhere though. I've seen it done very well in lots of units.

Hello and congratulations. I haven't read all of this thread but on the subject of exclusively breastfeeding - give your wife as much encouragement and get as much support as possible. It's not easy breastfeeding a prem baby and getting my baby to put on weight when they took out the nasal tube was a big challenge but patience and dedication will get you there. My little boy was born at 32 weeks and we left hospital when he was around about 5 lbs exclusively breastfeeding - it is possible so hang in there! Ask if there is a breastfeeding expert and certainly when you leave hospital get in touch with a breastfeeding counsellor as you will mosy likely end up feeding on demand, which is so different to the SCBU schedule... Good luck!

Just a quick message to let you know that yesterday was a lot better. We got there as early as possible and told them we planned to exclusively breast feed him on demand. The nurse in charge was the really nice one and she said there was absolutely no problem with that He didn't have a tube feed at all, all day. We couldn't stay over though so he may have over night, we did say only bottles over night though and there was plenty of breast milk in the fridge.

Does this sound OK for his first day of feeding? We were unsure if he was staying on long enough and getting enough food. When we asked we were actually sniggered at and told this is what you get when you feed on demand. We weren't complaining about its irregularity as that's what we had expected, we just wanted confirmation that he was feeding correctly.

Here are his feeding times
11:26 - 11:40 Right
14:17 - 14:27 Left
14:36 - 15:12 Left
16:44 - 16:58 Left
18:00 - 18:06 Right
18:10 - 18:24 Left
21:00 - 21:34 Left

Also, not that it matters one bit but thought since a few have referred to me as DSD or husband I'd best let you know I'm actually a mummy and a wife

• Dad not DSD

15 mins is acceptable. 20 mind plus is better . so sounds Ok.

is he gaining weight? ? Wet and dirty nappies? Settled between feeds.

i haven't read replies but wanted to say we had similar experience with special care, whilst i was grateful he was being cared for i felt the methods were old fashioned at best.

look up kangaroo care, get as much skin to skin as possible, i would wear shirt i could unbutton and then pop ds on my chest all day, where he slept happily. he may also start rooting for the breast which should be encouraged, try often to pop him on and just let him try. newborn babies sleep loads so he will doze between trying to feed and nappy changes just fine.
as for frequency of nappy changed our scbu said only every six hours, i changed ds every 3.
if your wife wants to breastfeed get as much skin to skin as possible and get baby on book often but also keep pumping to maintain supply.
lastly please do listen to your wifes instincts, mums are best placed to know what babies need. and even though you are tired, new mummy hormones will keep you going through unimaginable lack of sleep.

sorry for spelling mistakes, book should read boob

Hi glad things are improving. Sounds ok to me, how is he? Is he content, plenty of wet and dirty nappies? They are the best indicator.
If he still has a ng tube the midwives in my experience (which sounds wildly different from your unfortunately but it maybe worth asking) would draw back on the tube for me to reassure me that his stomach was full of milk.
Has he been weighed yet?
Are you any closer to being able to go home? I think your wife however much she doesn't want too stay away should push for rooming in, it will reassure you both. I didn't sleep a wink during mine I was too bloody petrified of messing up but it's good to have that reassurance of back up.

Oh and I meant to add trust your instincts if your wife feels that he's getting Enough then he almost certainly is.
mothers instinct is designed to help you out when you're so tired you cannot think rationally

That sounds ok to me - I have a checkered BFing history and found I really only got the hang of it when I offered a boob each and every bloody time that the wee sprog squawked. Any sign of unhappiness, offer feed first, then check out other possible causes for distress.
I also found it took more like 3 months, rather than 3-6 weeks, to develop anything that might be recognised as a 'routine'.

You need to get home and do you own thing - it'll be so much easier and seem more natural to follow his lead
I've had amazing BFing advice on here - I know the baby feeding topic can descend in to bun fights quite easily (how we feed our offspring is such an emotive subject), but the factual advice is fab.
Also have a look at kellymom and Dr Jack Newman - both evidence based BFing advice.

Sorry about the lazy assumptions about you btw, Microchips, too easy to make

He's weighed every morning so we should see when we get there. He was sleeping while being held but wouldn't settle much in his cot, his cot felt cold to touch though when first putting him in so I guess it's not as cosy and his mummy's chest. The nurses seem keen for him to sleep in his cot but he's fine sleeping on us if he wants isn't he? We don't mind one bit!
He was producing plenty of nappies

Well done to you. If you feel the bf advice from nurses isn't up to scratch (and it often isn't even in a baby friendly unit) ask if a bf supporter or specialist can come to see you. It's hard to say whether a baby is feeding well without looking at latch. I'd be looking for baby to demand at least every three hours counting from start of one feed to start of next. Doesn't sound like this is a problem but I would suggest waking to feed if it was. If baby is well latched times sound ok- if she loses interest/gets sleepy I would try breast compression to get her going again. I would also offer both breasts every feed with maybe a change in between to wake her up if need be (the short break you describe before waking and demanding the other side is very normal). This would also help maintain supply. I also second the PP recommending skin to skin. Is your wife expressing in the day at all? Any word on when your baby may be ready for home?

X post! Sleeping on you is fine. You might want to invest in a wrap for when you get home if baby is happier close to you.

Nice to see how the post started with anxiety and worry sounding a lot more positive.

Baby sounds like he is doing well

Apologies- I don't think I referred to your gender but I seem to have changed the sex of your son

None of mine ever slept in a cot! My first I swear I didn't put him down for 2 minutes the first year of his life. They fall asleep on me and then I co sleep. So no it doesn't matter at all if that's what you prefer.

Sounds like a great first day to me. If he's latching on and sucking then that is a big accomplishment. Definitely check out the Kellymom website. That's a great suggestion and the factual advice and articles are great motivation to get you through the bad nights!

He has put on 25grms so was clearly getting milk
He's had his tube removed
He's just had his first bath
He's being exclusively breast fed again today and we're both rooming in with him tonight
He should be home tomorrow

Wonderful wonderful news, congratulations

Fantastic! Sounds like things have really turned a corner and great that you can both room in tonight. Hopefully that will be a really nice start before coming home

(p.s. Sorry we assumed you were a husband and not a wife!)

I used to look after babies similar to yours in SCBU and we had a schedule for feeding, changing, and cleaning the babies. We always cuddled if we bottle fed though tube feeding we left the babies in the cot because it was too difficult otherwise. Breast feeding mums would be given the opportunity to bf regularly but not extensively or too often because it was too stressful for the babies.

When my daughters baby was in SCBU she (and we) all cuddled the baby regularly (and he was extremely ill unfortunately) and he left hospital after 3 weeks breast feeding because she was encouraged to bf.

Wet or dirty nappies were changed regularly, so yes, your baby's treatment is substandard and adding to your stress.

Fantastic news