To start a MIL appreciation thread...

[LadyRabbit]

Ok, I know sometimes (A LOT ON MN) they can be a PITA but for those of us who lucked out and got a 100% solid gold mother-in-law I'd like to start a thread with reasons to love them. Maybe from this those of us who are future MILs can bear in mind what makes a good one.

I'll go first:

• she fills my glass with wine without me even asking or realising it was empty. And can drink me under the table no problem. (Not in an alcoholic sense, just in a relaxed, convivial way.)
• she remembers little things I like/love and surprises me with daft things like a bunch of flowers for no reason or a bar of chocolate coz she was thinking about me.
• she never ever criticises my sloppy housekeeping!

God, I hope this isn't a tumbleweed thread or a self-killed thread. C'mon, some of you must have lovely MILs!

I adore my MIL. Splendid lady of the WI sort who is wonderfully practical. In laws live abroad so we don't see them often but when we do it's great. She's super with DS and really brilliant company. Always has wine in and she thinks I'm great .

Her parenting style, which I jokingly refer to as "benevolent negligence" has produced three sons who are very self reliant. My father thinks my brother is a savant for being able to use a washing machine and praises him as such . She told me that she would regard it as a personal failure if she unleashed grown men on the world who could not make a reasonable dinner and wash their own clothes. She once asked my dad if his arms were painted on when he complained about a wait for his dinner .

Since my mother's alzheimers deteriorated to the point where she can no longer function, MIL has been a much needed maternal influence.

corey wow, that's a gem of a mil you have!

Ah this is so nice, I was worried I was the only one who really loves her MIL! The thing is, when I think ahead to my DS being of the age where he meets someone he loves enough to make a life with, I will be desperate that that person loves him as much as I do. And I can see how that over protective mother love can cause problems later on. Anyone remember that TV series of the same name with Diana Rigg? Scary!

I was flippant in my original OP coz I didn't want to sound cloying. But I think of my MIL as my mum, in fact I think we are closer in some ways as we are more well suited as individuals. And she and her son have shown me what real love is. DH definitely fell very, very close to the tree.

Glad to hear there are lots of great MILs out there.

My MiL is fabulous. She turns up with hampers of food, all pre-made so that I don't have to do extra. She always turns up with clothes and books for all of us, each item thought about carefully and exactly right for the recipient. She enjoys a drink and is great fun. When we go there she always cooks all my favourite things. I am not allowed downstairs until 9.30 and am spoiled silly, because apparently I do enough at home.
She's also funny, clever, interesting and great fun to spend time with.

Mine died a few years back. She was marvellous; welcomed me as part of the family from the off, doted on my children, bought them heaps of the plastic, noisy tat they adored but kept it at her home. She would dance them around the room to punk or sing them lullabies in Welsh. She never intruded but was always there for babysitting/emergency childcare when we needed her. Was fun and clever and a politically astute feminist. Would take my side in arguments with my husband (when appropriate) or keep her nose out when that was more apt. Would have had his balls for earrings if he'd ever treated me badly. She is very, very much missed, and if I can be half the mother she was I'll be very happy indeed.

Oh, and she made (very nearly) the best trifle in the world. I never thought I'd taste one that came close to my grandmother's but she came damn near. And her parties!

Mine is amazing.
We call her the oracle because when it comes to house things and food she knows it all.
She always helps out when we need her, but never intrudes.
She doesn't bat an eyelid at tantrums or mess.
Despite having very different lives (she was a stay at home mum, very traditional set up, I work full time and am the main wage earner) she is so supportive.
She is a very talented seamstress an has made dolls for her daughter and my DD. Hours of work go I to them, they have leather booties and petticoats, and wollen hair. Last year she made me one and gave it to me saying 'now all my girls have one'. I cried

And she makes the best sage and onion stuffing ever. I would have married DH for that stuffing alone.

Lovely, lovely thread. There is hope, perhaps my DS can bring a girl home afterall

have a large and difficult collection of mothers (long story)

My mother in law is better than gold. She comes every week usually, we share stories and wine and hugs. When things did not go well with husband and me I, the DIL, could talk to her and she never took sides. She is a strong personality with strong opinions and you can ask her to leave something be, let it go, and she will, without taking offense (oh god, that is so so nice).

Now Im in the last stages of a horrible preg, she's better than gold. She's come twice a week to look after our first son, and atm I'm mostly in hospital and will be til the baby is born. She comes every day and sits for hours, not necessarily talking but just being there. She's tiring herself out and putting everything out for us so that things are as endurable as possible in these last 4 awful weeks.

She is absolutely solid gold.

Also a shout out for her husband, our step-FIL.

We've never been close and we never will. We have a respectful but somewhat stilted relationship - we're both at fault there. But lately she has been so kind, just in little ways, and the fact that we aren't particularly close has made me appreciate that all the more, IYSWIM.

Ooh! You made me cry.

My MIL was a lovely lady as was FIL. They were kind and considerate but sadly he died before we had DC and MIL was frail and elderly. She died when DC were little. I know if she had been younger she would have been a wonderful grandmother to my boys as well as a great MIL.

I love this thread as so many on MN are vicious about their MIL.
I have two boys and would hope to do my very best to be a good MIL in the future but stuff I read on MN fills me with fear.

The stories of kindness and help on this thread are exactly the same things that people on MIL bashing threads complain about. The help with DC, the help with household chores, the support after childbirth.

My mother in law is a truly great woman. Apart from anything else, she (and fil) have made a weekly 4 hour round trip to look after my DCs when I've been having chemo.

My MIL was a lovely woman, very troubled and died well before her time :(

She made me feel so welcome in the early days when I was dating DH. She loved her grandchildren, it's just a shame they won't remember her.

My mum gave me a really hard time when DS was born, very critical of my parenting and very interfering. Going to MILs was like a breath of fresh air.

me and MIL got off to a rocky start i forced her son to make me pregnant apparently but we did work through it I have the patience of a saint and we got on brilliantly and had a great laugh she was a bit of a tartar though and could be difficult but all in all she was great she has been gone years now I still miss her

My mil is the best, she is my closest friend and I can talk to her about everything, even her son and she will give me advice or listen as though she were a friend and not his mother. I'm actually closer to her than my own mother and I get on with my mother brilliantly, it's just personality wise I have more in common with mil.

She helps us with anything we ask her and will always do things our way even if she thinks she knows better. She will be happy to either let us be right or make our own mistakes.

She is a fab granny.

She is so unbelievably generous both material and with her time, self.

Can't think of specific things really, just that she is fab and we have a fabulous family in part thanks to her.

Fil is also amazing btw!

I miss mine. She died a few years ago. My PIL live too far away for day to day things but when we saw them I was always made to feel welcome and she would chat away happily to me. Never judgmental or anything and if she'd phoned here to speak to DH always made sure she'd chatted to me as well, telling him to get off the phone now I want to speak with Chicky

She died suddenly at home, she had MS but it was unexpected. I had to be the one to tell DH and it was the hardest thing I've done.

My MIL is the person I look up to most in the world. When my Mums abuse and neglect went unnoticed by everyone around me, she realized, took me in and cared for me. She made me eat again when I started starving myself. She taught me how to run a home and how to cook. She showed me what a Mum is supposed to be and she did all of that without me realizing what she was doing.

She's an incredible and amazing woman and I love her so much. She's always there for us and dotes on DD and spoils her, whilst respecting my boundaries. Without DP and my MIL my life would have taken a very different path.

I love my MIL to be and am trying hard not to put her in a box of clichés.
I can really see the value of concentrating on her positive aspects rather than any threats she poses.
I like that she is very friendly and interested in my life. I like that she is very on the ball and has a very good sense of humour.
I worry that she doesn't believe in post natal depression or autism but that's another story!

She's ace! And the more time I spend with her the more I see of my DH in her or vice versa.
She never interfered with our wedding or build up to the birth of our DD.
She offered practical advice and makes a kick arse chocolate mousse.
She's quietly thoughtful about other peoples feelings as well.
She confessed to me after I'd treated her to a pedicure that she's always liked being pampered but her children seem to think because she's so practical and organised she thinks it's frivolous.
You can't share her. She's my MIL!
My SIL however.........

So pleased to see this thread as my FIL is ill at the moment and both he and my MIL have been lovely since the first time we met. I am much more similar to FIL than MIL, and instinctively get on better with him, but despite this my MIL has always been welcoming and kind. We've got to know each other much better since I had my son and I really appreciate her willingness to help without interfering. I can have long chats with her now, and really enjoy them. We're never going to be best pals because we're very different, but I admire and respect her and enjoy her company. I love the fact that she loves her son, but is very happy for me to love him too.

I love my MIL.

Don't get me wrong, she's not faultless, and can sometimes can be hard work, but hell, neither am I and so can I.

I love her for not abandoning me when I got ill. She didn't freak out, panic about her only son being landed with me, and instead listened and learned and got on board as much as she was able.

Yes she has bad habits but, as I say, so do I, and they can pretty much all be forgiven in the face of her coming through when the big stuff struck.

I love mine too, shes fab. She calls to chat, encourages me if I need it and would always be there in an emergency.

Chopsy, mine makes great stuffing too. Tried her recipe and come close to it but hers is so nice.

Love reading this thread; DH's parents both died years before I met him so have no experience of having a MIL. Having a boy and reading all the MIL horror stories on here scares me somewhat so it's lovely to hear MIL appreciation as well!

Technically it was dp's mum but couple of weeks before she died she asked if she could call me her dil as she didn't like partner. Which I thought was lovely!!

She was a lovely lady!! Used to buy me daft things to make me smile when I was pregnant cos I had it rough amd was depressed throughout, like flumps cos I happened to say I loved them when I was a kid and sherbet fountains

She used to randomly buy dd things before she was born and used to tell everyone and anyone that dd was going to be named after her - not in a creepy way but we knew she was dying so told her what we had decided to call her and mail's maiden name is also used as a girls name so we picked it as one of her middle names. She was so proud and made all her nurses come and see dd wheb she was born!

My inlaws are arriving next week for a month-long visit (we live abroad) and I can't wait! My MIL is fabulous company, and I know she and I will spend many an evening sitting up late, chatting and drinking wine long after DH and FIL have gone to bed.

She came to stay when DH had to travel for work just after our youngest was born. When I got home from dropping the toddler at the childminder, she sent me and the baby back to bed then cleaned our chaotic shit-pit of a flat from top to bottom while I was asleep. I wasn't annoyed or embarrassed, I just wanted to weep with gratitude!