To ask you to help me get my head around housework

[Anonynony]

This sounds kind of lighthearted but it's genuinely really starting to bother me and make me feel useless. I just cannot seem to keep a clean and tidy home. It's only me and my nearly 3 year old and people are forever telling me what a great mum I am but they wouldn't say that if they'd seen the state of the place.
I'm happy and proud of myself in every other area, we're always out and about on day trips, getting fresh air, loads of exercise, library, she has a really healthy diet etc but I think if I social worker were to come in right now they'd probably be appalled

It was just me and my dad at home and honestly the house was a tip, I never really learned how to clean. It sounds so stupid but I really want it to be part of my daily routine instead of letting it all pile up, getting so depressed with it and doing one day blast then letting it all pile up again. I'm not lazy I just get so overwhelmed because I've no idea what I'm doing. I was the same with cooking but since I had DD I dedicated hours to practicing and watching YouTube tutorials so she'd have a healthy diet.

Please give me some tips to help me educate myself, I know it sounds really stupid and is something other people have a natural know how/want to do. The mad thing is I hate mess so this really bothers me and yet I seem incapable of incorporating into my daily routine.

Don't beat yourself up about it... We all struggle with it to a greater or lesser extent, and it's tough for single parents! You can learn to keep it within reason, but when it gets a bit out of hand, just ask yourself, will you get to the end of your life and wish you'd vacuumed more often?

Google "unfuck my habitat" - it's a light-hearted approach to sorting out your house, 10 minutes at a time. Have a good read of the site: there's some really brilliant and encouraging advice. See if you can sort out one small thing before you go to bed tonight... It'll do your head a lot of good.

As well as unfuck my habitat check out flylady, same principle of doing it in small stages but suits me slightly better.

Ok OP what are the issues you think need addressing? Do you manage to get dishes and laundry done?

For me this is what keeps me on top of things

Daily:
Dishes and counter tops
Washload in machine
Spray and wipe toilet and basin
Hoover and mop downstairs (i have a hairy dog so needs done daily)
Hang washing.

Weekly:
Strip beds
Dust
Hoover all over house
Thorough bathroom clean (bath/shower, tiles, basin and toilet - in and out)

It sound like more work than it is tbh. Pick a day for your weekly stuff and do the daily stuff in the morning so it's all done and out of the way.

My house is often a tip as well but some things which help are:

Try and make sure things have a home and put them back there when you've finished with them
If you're going upstairs, take something with you and put it away
Tidy as you go along as much as you can.

Hopefully there will be some more advice to help as I'm not brilliant at keeling things tidy either

OP do you know there is a whole MN topic called good housekeeping dedicated to stuff like this? You might find it helpful :)

You could

A) get a SureStart volounteer to help you for two hours a week

B) Get your place a little bit tidier each day before you go to bed. Do the dishes (as usual), clear up childs bits (as usual) clear a little bit more (as will become usual).

A good routine

Kitchen :- tops and dishes done daily. Floors twice a week cupboards once a month fridge, microwave and freezers as and when needed Cooke every 6 months.

Living room :- dusted twice a week, toys picked up every evening hoovered when needed ( which is every day due to DC)

Bedrooms :- make beds every day, changed once a week, dusted once a week and hoovered once a week.

Bathroom :- toilet done daily, bath and sink deep cleaned once a week and rinsed in between

Main things I do - keep toilet wipes in bathroom, downstairs toilet and a basket of toilet rolls. Then I can freshen up there and then.

Once of twice a week I clean upstairs, wash bath mat, strip beds ( once a week, polish etc)

Go around with a black bag a couple of times a week. Dump anything newspapers, empty buns look and clear anything you don't need. Then be a seperate bag and clear out stuff for the charity shop. I do this at east once a month. I even thinned out towels and dishes. The less there are the better, I have found. You don't need twenty towels.

Every night I straighter the main room and most nights give the floors a wash before heading up to bed.

Also I cook in big batches and freeze so there isn't huge mess every single night ( though I do cook most nights, If I want I deep clean I can stick a ore made dinner in he microwave)

Also I have lots of wicker baskets. They look lovely and keep mess to a minimum. I have two in the sitting room. An extra large cream ottoman stores all say toys under the stairs ( argos ) and is a seat too, also expedit shelving from ikea stores loads.

My mantra is take care of the pots (washing up), the clothes and the floors.

If you keep on top of those basics it can't be that bad.

My advice is little & often. My girls wonder why I need bathroom cleaner in the bathroom & the toilet (both are tiny!). My answer is I need to be able to get it & quickly do something. This week I cleaned my bath on Monday, the shelves on Weds & the loo & sink today. None of it took more than 5 mins. But if someone asked me to clean a whole bathroom.... nope, don't have time...

I wipe round the sink and loo while running a bath for the DCs. Keep packs of cleaning wipes handy ( you can get Pledge ones for polishing, Flash bathroom ones etc) or just use your sleeve or socks for dusting sweep the kitchen if you don't have time to get the Hoover out. I have a permanent pile of crumbs in one corner, but the rest of the floor looks fine!

Make a list of other jobs (window cleaning, fridge etc) and just do one whenever you find time.

Invite people round. I get more cleaning done in the 10 minutes before visitors arrive than I do all week!

Don't worry about it. Your dd is having fun and is well cared for, a few dust bunnies under the sofa really don't matter and it's better than living in a show home where she can't touch anything or make a mess.

Just here to cheer you on as I abhor housework and am hopeless at it. I can only clean if everything is 100% in order already which invariably it never is. Hopeless situation all round really. So yes I sympathise.

I feel exactly the same. I never learnt to clean either as a child so I really struggle to know what is acceptable what's not. Everyone else's house seems tidy even when I just pop in.

I feel the same and was brought up by dad too. I veer from organising via fly lady and aski g and looking on mums net. I know what you mean re not understanding! I don't think i clean very well . !

Oh thank you all so so much I'm so grateful you all popped in with your words of wisdom!

As soon as I got the first reply I got up and decluttered quite a lot actually! It's funny how quickly these things get done when you start. I'm not even halfway there mind but the clutter is the main problem at the moment it's ridiculous. I think it may be because I don't have a coffee table so books and remotes get left all around, eventually piling up more and more

My main problem is clutter piling up and not actually being able to clean. I always do dishes, laundry and counters but all this stuff seems to take over and I can't get stuck in because I don't know where to put it. Stuff that shouldn't really be downstairs at all, make up, handbags, shoes, hair dryer, straightners, clothes all over sofas and important documents always seem to find their way onto countertops and build up at an alarming rave! The bathroom is spotless because it's so easy to clean and everything has it's place. DDs room is grand, plenty of storage so things are just thrown in boxes etc and it always looks well. My room is shocking I always change and make beds etc that's not the problem, I just have things, clothes, make up and books bursting out from everywhere. I work in a charity shop I think I might bag up a few sacks in the morning and bring them in (and stop taking stuff home!)

Thank you all so so much, keep the perils of wisdom coming it's really helping and Thanks for all being so lovely!!

Op how about setting aside half an hour each evening as soon as dd is in bed and tackling one drawer/cupboard/area and bagging it all up into charity shop/bin/keep bags and then each morning dealing with those bags as necessary. You will be amazed how quickly it gets cleared doing a little bit at a time.

Yeah that's a great idea, she goes to bed at half seven and I'm always complaining how it's still bright and I've nothing to do
Definitely need to get ruthless now with clutter, we're only in a small two bed and clearly have way too much stuff!

Oh yes! I moved from a really spacious 3 bed semi with 3 bathrooms and massive living room/dining area to a tiny 2.5 bed terrace with one bathroom. No spare room any more and realised just how much crap i had accumulated. Ruthless is the only way i'm afraid.

It can be overwhelming but just remember whatever you do, it is something better than nothing!

When I'm feeling really overwhelmed, usually by a pile of stuff that doesn't seem to belong anywhere, I make myself put away 5 things individually. I can then stop or sometimes I want to do another 5.

Keep your bursts of sorting short and often, use a timer to set yourself a 10 minute room challenge. Don't worry about going from zero to routine immediately, build a little bit in each day or week.

I follow the advice my MIL gives:

How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time!

Oh! Just read that you work in a charity shop! Yes STOP BRINGING THINGS HOME! I would be the same tbh!

You can only read one book at a time, when you've finished it return it to your shop.

storage - find somewhere to put everything - get baskets for your shelves and label them - a place for everything and everything in its place

if it's tidy it's a whole lot easier to clean and if you haven't had time to clean, but it's tidy, people don't really notice dust

You have to ge tinto the habit of clearing up as you go along. eg when I cook I get everything out that I will need, then put it away or in the dishwasher as I'm finished. Change the loo roll put the roll in the bin etc.

Also if you see something that you want to buy, think, do I really need this, where will it go. Do I have space to sore it? Will it get used?

Lots of people on MN recomend fly lady's blog. There's a chapter in How to Walk in High Heels about household stuff that says how often certain jobs need to be done. And I really recommend How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. It's very accessible and will show you how to set goals and set aside time to deal with them. I must give that a reread actually...

I agree with you. I don't have lots of unnecessary objects because it's more work to clean and tidy them. I'm not a cleaning freak, just need it to be ok and not minging!

Tidying, cooking, laundry are daily. This keeps the house ok enough so that when we need to clean, we just need to clean not sort through and tidy first. Makes us more likely to clean when needed and not put it off.

Shopping once a month for non perishables and frozen then as needed the rest of the time. Usually once a week for fresh and forgotten stuff.

Hoovering gets a quick go over high traffic areas (cats and kid) and a good going over (moving furniture) monthly.

Dusting, bathrooms, kitchen (bins, microwave, extractor hood) mop floor, weekly or even every 2 weeks. It's the weekly jobs that get left if life gets in the way.

Other stuff like windows, paintwork, cupboards, fridge, oven etc when we notice it needs doing. Same with general maintenance jobs and decorating.

Garden - we have a gardener who spends an hour every week (except winter) working like a mule and that's enough to do both gardens. Takes him a lot less time than we'd do it in and we hate gardening so never did it regularly. £10pw keeps the gardens looking neat all the time.

I'm only just getting there myself but the things that have really helped me are:-

Don't put it down, put it away
Always do one final quick job before you finish for the day, even if it's small. Over a year that's 365 extra bits of tidying/jobs done

For me it's been a change of mindset rather than a sudden ability to clean.