to be upset not to be a bridesmaid?

[Dazedconfused]

I know I am but still feeling a bit sad.

My best friend called me last week to say she was engaged and getting married in January. I am delighted for her. She mentioned quite quickly that because I would be busy with baby on the day (due in Sept) and she was going to have small wedding one of our other friends was going to be only bridesmaid. I said no problem. Then three days later she phoned to say would be no children so could I organise a babysitter (my dm has agreed) which I am fine with (will probably be first night away with no baby after the birth) but has made me slightly upset about the bridesmaid thing.

we have been friends since we were 11 and always said we would be each other's and she was mine two years ago and just feel a wee bit sad now.

please feel free to tell me am being over emotional and I'll blame the hormones

i cant relate really but might she actually think that because of baby you wont be able to do all the extensive shopping, dress fittings and endless tasks that seem to be compulsory (like searching the world for the correct shade of rose petals to throw, or name cards written on parchment by monks).

be grateful, i would say if your only task is to turn up and enjoy.

If she was so upfront with you, why not text her and say that as DC will not be with you, are you now going to be a bridesmaid?

I know you won't (I wouldn't either), but if that's what she did to you, she deserves it!

Sorry you're hurt - particularly when you're already being roped in to do lots of the bridesmaid stuff anyway. YANBU

I can understand why you are a little hurt. But to be honest if I were you I would be thinking less about the day and more about the run up. She might start looking for bridesmaid dresses while you are still pregnant as ordering them takes a while. Even if she isn't getting traditional bridesmaid dresses she will probably still want to get them a few months before when you will have a brand new baby and better things to be thinking about. Right now it might seem like a snub but honestly it is a blessing in disguise. The last thing you will want to do a few weeks after giving birth while you are sleep deprived and still not back to your old shape is go dress shopping!

I completely understand how you feel. I wasn't asked to be my SIL's bm (after being told I would be before they got engaged) and I was stupidly upset over it for ages. When it came to my turn to get married I did the bigger thing and decided to ask her (which she accepted) but she never did explain why I wasn't hers.

I hope you can get past your hurt and enjoy the day anyway, I managed to by wearing the most amazing dress and ridiculous shoes that a bm would never have been allowed to wear!

YANBU but TBH being an adult bridesmaid is a royal PITA IME. You will get to enjoy the day without having to get involved with bridal whims, other bridesmaids not pulling their weight, endless dress fittings and organising the hen do. It's really not all that great.

YANBU to feel a bit hert, but I agree that as the wedding nears you will probably find it really is a blessing in disguise. Also, I wouldn't be mean about it but I wouldln't let yourself get roped in to doing any difficult tasks that should be assigned to bridesmaids, things you want to do that are no stress - yes sure, but any major organising or stressful decision making and situations you should definitely pass "to make sure the bridesmaids don't feel like you're stepping on their toes".

*hurt

oh for an edit function.

I wouldnt be roped in to do dress shopping or hen dos.Your either her bridesmaid or your not.She cant have it both ways.And if she says anything you can always blame the baby after all shes the one that brought the baby in to it.So use it as an exscuse.

I am going to say YANBU to be hurt BUT I am currently being a bridesmaid for a bridezilla friend and it is a serious pain in the arse as well as expensive as we are buying our own dresses - a dress I absolutely hate.

Enjoy having the day 'off' and being treated like a guest and not a slave!

Yanbu - I would be a bit hurt in your shoes.

Not wanting to put a spanner in the works but if your planning to breastfeed it may be tricky managing the day without the baby nearby. I would have struggled when DS was 4 months old - he fed every 2 hours and didn't take a bottle.