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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buggy's on buses

65 replies

Cookiechef · 24/04/2014 22:08

Today me and ds where in town and where waiting to get bus back home.
My ds will be 3 in May and has been diagnosed with autism, he needs a buggy as he refuses to walk or runs on to roads with cars.
Two other mums had buggy's on the bus one of the mums had their baby out of the buggy and I asked politely if she could fold her I could help if she wanted, she point blankly refused and I can't take ds out of his as he has a meltdown on buses if not in the buggy.
I mentioned to the bus driver that ds has a disability that's why he can't get out and he basically told me I had to fold or get off and wait an hour I did get off and get a taxi home which was the last of my money.
I was wondering as we are awaiting a special needs pushchair from wheelchair services, does my ds have a right to get on a bus in his buggy or can I be asked to fold.

OP posts:
FanFuckingTasticChocolateBalls · 24/04/2014 22:13

I think you should have taken priority with a disabled child, however many might not agree. I had the same trouble with my DD being a danger to herself and using a pram for a five year old, so know how difficult it can be to deal with them out of it.

Famzilla · 24/04/2014 22:16

I thought disabilities trumped prams. In our area you are expected to fold or get off if someone with a greater need gets on. YANBU, I would complain to the bus company.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 24/04/2014 22:22

For all intents and purposes, your son's buggy is acting as a wheelchair but I have a feeling that legally, they can ask you to fold. It's really unfair though. Sad We need a card system for children with disabilities so they don't get turfed off buses.

DotToDott · 24/04/2014 22:27

My DS doesn't have a disability, and i am in no way comparing him to someone with Autism, but he used to have meltdowns on the bus and wasn't safe out of his buggy at that age either so i can see where you are coming from. The other woman should have folded, especially as her child wasn't even in the buggy at the time.

agree with candy we should have a blue card similar to a blue badge we have for cars, for when it's not obvious that someone is disabled and has a greater need.

that said, card system wouldn't be as necessary if people weren't selfish tossers.

Thomyorke · 24/04/2014 22:28

The best scenario if you are using buses a lot is to see OT for a specialist buggy. Check your council to see if they provide registered disabled cards for you to show the driver and you can be cards to attach to buggy with a wheelchair picture from amazon.

Original poster
Cookiechef · 24/04/2014 22:36

We are waiting for our ds to get measured up for a special needs buggy from wheelchair services, I wouldn't have minded if the mother had her baby in the buggy, it was her blatant refusal and the bus drivers attitude that made me think about it all.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 24/04/2014 22:42

Complain to the bus company.

The more people who complain when their children with disabilities are discriminated against, the more likelihood the bus companies will do something.

Thomyorke · 24/04/2014 22:57

The problem is a parent who refuses to help by folding is more likely to be a parent who would claim a false disability for their child rather than vacate. How would the bus driver know without passes etc, maybe complaining for a system of identification is the way to go.

SoFetch · 24/04/2014 23:03

My child doesn't have a disability so I can only imagine how frustrating situations like that must be. If somebody told me that their DC had a disability and they needed the space I would take their word and fold, but as other posters have said, some my not be so trusting (especially as there are many out there who probably would lie.)

I think campaigning for a card system is a great idea. I'd back it!

extremepie · 25/04/2014 01:37

My ds is 6 and has one of those specialist pushchairs - we get asked to fold all the time :/ It's beyond frustrating! Especially when I don't have the option of waiting an hour for the next one because I need to get somewhere for a certain time :(

toastandmarmiterocks · 25/04/2014 07:13

I just can't understand people who are so unhelpful. Why on earth didn't the woman fold her buggy? Why does it have to come down to "trumping" each other? 2 women with buggies. One empty, one full. It's a no brainer. Silly woman. Poor you. Buses & buggies are hard enough let alone when you have a child who could be a danger to himself/others when out and about. I would write to the bus company for sure.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 25/04/2014 07:47

I would take their word and fold, but as other posters have said, some my not be so trusting (especially as there are many out there who probably would lie.)

That's why we need a card system. Then, the parent does not have to give a mini medical history to a bus full of strangers, they can just show the card and have priority. That said, I do think it's sad that it's got the point where people have to 'prove' their worthiness for a bus space but that's another rant for another day!

autumnsmum · 25/04/2014 08:12

My dd has autism and one day she was having a meltdown and a woman with a younger child folded Automatically which was incredibly kind of her

ProudAS · 25/04/2014 08:13

Could you get a letter from consultant OP?

Dawndonnaagain · 25/04/2014 09:10

I would be having a word with the bus company. Your child has a disability, the bus driver should be supporting you.

StrawberryGashes · 25/04/2014 09:35

Your GP can give you a carers card, that may help in the future. Definitely complain to the bus company over the drivers attitude.

StrawberryGashes · 25/04/2014 09:35

The national autistic society also have autism cards that you can get from their website.

Mordirig · 25/04/2014 09:56

That really is disgusting op, how that woman could let her empty buggy just stand there knowing you would have to wait a whole hour is incomprehensible to me.

I have had enough of this rubbish attitude you get on buses and I now ask tell other passengers on behalf of ones in need that they need to move/fold and get up to help them so they are rarely left with a choice!
I've also had arguments with bus drivers who do not let a person using a wheelchair on because of buggies already there, shaming them usually works but I keep complaing officially as they seem to have employed a bunch of useless sods recently apparently berift of empathy and common sense let alone no understanding of their employers own company policies!

RiverTam · 25/04/2014 10:02

well, that's just very unhelpful of that mum.

However, and it might be worth checking this out with the bus company, on another thread recently I read that these spaces can be specifically wheelchair spaces, not generally disabled spaces, and a disabled child in a buggy doesn't get precedence. Crap, but possible true?

Hopefully you'll get your buggy soon, but in the meantime check the policy with the bus company and maybe make them aware of what this driver said.

spikeymikie · 25/04/2014 10:15

Yes, the driver can insist that it is only wheelchairs that take precedence although some companies say sn buggies have priority over toddler buggies. I have a 7 year old in a sn buggy who stays in it on public transport so if I can't have the spot we would have to get off. Some wheelchairs look like buggies (eg some of the convaid wheelchairs) so sorting out who has priority could be difficult.

RedFocus · 25/04/2014 10:49

I had this problem with my autistic dd and it got to the point where I was ao desperate I asked a charity to help fund my driving lessons and test so I could drive instead. They were wonderful and I past my test and haven't got on a bus since. I have to use a harness on my dd as she has meltdowns in the car but I can now secure her in and tune her out and drive safely from A to B.

MistressDeeCee · 25/04/2014 10:53

People can be so mean-spirited at times. Why couldn't the woman just have folded down the buggy? You shouldn't even have to be thinking about this OP. Sorry. If you can drive, getting a car seems the best thing. There's way too much ignorance on public transport nowadays

WilsonFrickett · 25/04/2014 10:56

I'm sure the last time this came up a poster who was in the know said the law about giving up the space only applied to wheelchairs, not buggies, even if the buggy was acting as a wheelchair. It's a wheelchair space, sort of thing.

Obviously that's not fair so maybe you could write to your bus company and see if they'll give you some sort of letter 'proving' your buggy is a wheelchair?

All that said, the mother who didn't fold for you was an arse, and sometimes the drivers aren't keen to manage the situation as they should Sad

ProudAS · 25/04/2014 10:57

Cookie's DS cannot travel on a bus unless he remains in buggy. If bus company policy is that it is folded to make way for wheelchair that is likely to be discrimination. A rule which applies to everyone but places a disabled person at a disadvantage is usually indirect discrimination.

Bus company policy does not trump equality act.

As for the empty buggy could the mother have faced problems unfolding it at destination even if she had help folding? I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt though there is a lot ofdoubt.

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 11:07

I think your situation is difficult because of the hidden element of your ds's disability. Anyone could, in theory, demand that someone else has to fold their buggy while they don't on disability grounds because their child will have a meltdown if not.

I can understand why the woman on the bus wanted to avoid having the hassle of folding her buggy and rearranging her shopping or whatever to do a favour for someone who doesn't have an obvious reason for avoiding having to do the same.

This is why there needs to be more awareness of autistic symptoms. Hopefully you will find it easier to deal with those sort of situation when you have a SN pushchair as people will be more able to see that your need is genuine.