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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my mum?

29 replies

doublechocchip · 24/04/2014 20:36

Parents have been away for a fortnight, asked us to look after house, been ever other day as they have fish to feed, sorted their mail, taken their bin out, picked up parcels- all fine. Rang them today as an important parcel they'd been waiting for had arrived, had a little chat about their hols were. So it goes on like this,

Mum "will we see you on Sunday at all".

Me " oh yes that'd be lovely, children have especially missed you, won't be around early or anything, let you have a lie-in/ get sorted".

Mum "well don't come when moto gp is on as we'll be watching that".

Me "oh right ok"

Mum "I'll text and let you know when is a good time".

I was just properly stung by this, I would never invite someone round and then specify when they couldn't come as I'd be watching a bloody tv programme! They always do this with something sport-like on a Sunday, which I think is rude generally but accept after them being in work all week they might want to watch something in particular.

Just found it really rude today especially as I'd been round so much looking after their house for them and that as we usually see them twice a week we were all looking forward to seeing them/having a catch up. Aibu to be pissed off about this?

OP posts:
LibraryMum8 · 24/04/2014 20:46

I see both sides. My inlaws are the same way, tv gets more important the older they get Wink.

I think you were lovely to help out and were stung by somewhat gruff words. But I don't think they meant it personally at all. They seem maybe getting set in their ways.

weatherall · 24/04/2014 20:55

But them a hard drive digibox for the next birthday, Christmas!

piscivorous · 24/04/2014 21:18

My MIL will ring us on a Sunday in the middle of our dinner, DH says "I'll ring you back in 5 mins" and she then says we have to avoid Coronation Street, Call The Midwife, whichever historical drama is on and so on for the whole of the evening. She has a digibox recorder but still watches everything in real time. Drives me mad.

toffeelolly · 24/04/2014 21:26

I always ring my mum, but do not know why I bother as all you get is

toffeelolly · 24/04/2014 21:40

Sorry posted to soon .when I ring my mum she is more interested in her programs, and I will hear her asking my dad what was that. Really piss me of ,then you will get are you not watching it ( ye and me on the phone to her ) lol. And to top it all was out with DC in car younger DC wanted to see granny ,granda so pulled up outside granda come out but granny could not come out as deal or no deal was on .So ds was upset because granny could not come out to bloody car to see him.
And to top it all when we were driving by window going up road she stand inside at window waving so she does not miss her bloody TV.

Amy106 · 24/04/2014 21:42

Do they have a digibox recorder and if so, do they know how to use it? They may not want to ask for help figuring the darn thing out. YANBU anyway and if it was me I would feel hurt too. Thanks

Goldmandra · 24/04/2014 21:51

YANBU to think that TV should come after family or indeed just people, at anytime.

I used to seethe a bit when told by my mother to keep my distance for the whole of Wimbledon fortnight every year but at least it was only two weeks and it allowed me to have a clear conscience about not seeing them every weekend the rest of the time.

In our house the tv goes off the moment any visitor arrives whatever is on. I am quite intolerant of tv and refuse to make plans around viewing. It's just something to fill in quiet bits of every day life or wind down in front of when everything else is done so I'd be mightily pissed off if I was dumped in favour of a crappy game show.

Original poster
doublechocchip · 24/04/2014 21:54

Ooh now a digibox recorder sounds good, forgive me for being clueless but they have virgin would it work with that as well or would they have to upgrade virgin to their version of sky plus?

Think your right it being an older generation thing, ironic really as if we'd have really wanted to watch a programme living at home as kids and there'd been a visitor they'd have switched it right off immediately!

OP posts:
Thomyorke · 24/04/2014 21:56

I do like my sport and you have to watch it live, people who know me will not be knocking on Sunday when the footie is on. If they do they will be making their own cuppa.

CSIJanner · 24/04/2014 21:59

Virginia stole my lifetime TiVO, so yes, they would be able to record, each and been pause live tv.

Am not bitter - I just miss my TiVo :(

littlewhitebag · 24/04/2014 22:01

I think sport is one of those things people like to watch in real time. It's more exciting that way. Better they warned you than turning up to see them and being cross when they are engrossed in the TV.

MostWicked · 24/04/2014 22:28

If you are into sport, then watching it live is important.
My parents are the same. Its nothing personal, they just want to watch things like this live. It really spoils the excitement watching it later, especially when you find out the result before you have watched it.

It's not going to make a big difference so just leave them to it and catch up later.

Goldmandra · 24/04/2014 22:37

If you are into sport, then watching it live is important.

Yes but so is seeing family and it sends out a very clear message to that family if they are expected to fit around the tv viewing. It really isn't difficult to avoid finding out the result for a few hours and watch it later.

It's a matter of priorities and I, like the OP, would be offended to hear that my DCs and I were a clear second to a race on tv.

cerealqueen · 24/04/2014 23:08

I don't think with family you need to stand on ceremony. I'd would not bothered, if you see them regularly then its a small adjustment.

If you only saw them rarely and were making a special journey then that would be a different matter.

BackforGood · 24/04/2014 23:45

I think YABU, not your Mum.
In effect, she's just sorting out a convenient time for you to see them. Isn't that what we all do when we arrange to meet people?
You'd already said you won't be round early, but she didn't get all uppity about that - she accepted that didn't really fit with what you were doing then, and expressed when it wouldn't really suit her. Still leaves plenty of time.
It strikes me that you are miffed because it's sport - would you have minded if it had been something else they were doing ?

Of course, if you were visiting from Australia for a once in only 5 yrs fortnight, then I'd say your Mum were BU (although I suspect she wouldn't be so bothered about watching it then), but as you are clearly local and see them regularly anyway, then it makes sense for it to be at t a time that suits everyone.

Original poster
doublechocchip · 25/04/2014 07:53

backforgood we've got 2 young children, the not coming round early definitely doesn't benefit us we'll be up from 6:30, I suggested that for them as well so as they could have a lie in/rest after travelling the day before.

I get that sport is a real time thing but surely it doesn't come before seeing family/real people? I'd feel the same about any tv programme to be honest. The fact that this race popped up as a priority for their day just made me feel as though we're down the list. She had no idea of the time it was on either 'just some time in the afternoon' so I'm guessing she is just going to text me on the day as though we've got nothing better to do than hang around eagerly waiting her text.

OP posts:
coralanne · 25/04/2014 08:19

She's being honest and I'm sure she would be mortified if she knew how upset you are.

It sounds as though you have a lovely family without all the usual carry on about making appointments, feeding the DC junk etc. (hopefully).

Just let it go and wait for her text. If you're busy at that time just tell her and make another time to see them.

Moto gp is the last thing I would watch on TV but I do have a few things I like to watch live (football) and sometimes when the DGC have arfrived unexpectedly I turn it down really low and just keep the occasional eye on it.

Anything else can be recorded for later viewing.

redskyatnight · 25/04/2014 08:27

Well, it's not like she's said "don't come" is it? I have no idea about MotoGP but presumably it's a couple of hours or so, your message gave the impression that you were quite flexible as to when you came round, so saying it's not convenient between 3-5 (or whatever) is hardly a big issue for you?

ipswichwitch · 25/04/2014 08:32

Tv is so important to my parents that when they come to visit (live a fair distance away so only see them a couple of times a year ), I can leave the room to make a cuppa and wen I come back they've got Midsomer Murders on, or some other shite, and will sit in silence watching apart from the odd comment on the programme. Thank god I've got the cd to stop me dying of boredom!

sunbathe · 25/04/2014 08:33

Surely it's a good thing, as then they can devote their attention to you.

In any case, it sounds like your mum was accommodating your dad's viewing, as she didn't know when it was on.

ipswichwitch · 25/04/2014 08:33

Gah! DC not cd

LittleBearPad · 25/04/2014 08:37

If it's any help it looks like it starts at 2.30 and goes on all afternoon, so the morning is better.

However Yanbu at all

aprilanne · 25/04/2014 08:39

my hubby won,t move for the grand prix .just says what ever you lot 3ds and i are doing don,t include me .i don,t think she will have realised you were offended probably be mortified if she knew .but then my father in law always says .as he gets older 70s he does,nt care what other folk think .

poocatcherchampion · 25/04/2014 08:44

yabu. it sounds to me like you are looking for stuff to complain about.

fluffyraggies · 25/04/2014 08:47

Why on earth cant they just have it on in the background? Especially as they haven't seen you for a couple of weeks.

I'd be v.peed off with the implication that you're willing or able to all be sat poised with your coats and hats on waiting for her text all day.

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