To not be able to just say "no"?

[Ellie36]

That's it really. I am completely incapable of using no as a complete sentence! Work just called asking me to do extra next week - a regular weekly request - and instead of saying no I lied and said I was going away for a long weekend. I took a part time job because I wanted to work part time, it's been constant extra hours/days since I started almost a year ago. I'm only 22 weeks pregnant but we're renovating our house and I'm getting really fed up with being asked!

In any case is it just me who is unable to use no as a complete sentence?!

Ah, but you weren't a pushover either. There are some situations (especially with employers) where saying 'no'and no more is likely to backfire.

You've just got to keep practising. At least you didn't end up working the extra hours, but lying is stressful and when you go back to work you'll be asked how your weekend away went and you'll need to make up another story. Much easier to just say NO, no justification needed.

Unfortunately, a lot of girls and women have been brought up to appease and find excuses for situations where a blanket negative or refusal is all that is needed. I am always taken aback on Mn when someone posts about someone regularly taking advantage of their good nature, and there are always dozens of posts suggesting inventive excuses the OP could use to get out of a situation. Obviously there are situations where you do have to be diplomatic, but a lot of women in particular seem worried about the impact of an unsoftened refusal.

It certainly isn't just you.

I've been like this. But I really do not like lying so have purposely gone away to make it true!

I would say just do your best, but don't be too hard on yourself. People can be very pushy. It might be worth considering how much you actually need the money. That is how much of a risk is 'No,' what can they actually do?

That is why I'm really annoyed with myself, I am a useless liar in person can just about get away with it over the phone! Although having said that why couldn't I have said I was tired? Perfectly acceptable when pregnant after all!

I don't know why you lied, you had a ready made reason (busy renovating the house) and could have said you are trying to get as much done before the baby as you can. I hope you are being paid for all these extra hours.

You shouldn't have to feel bad about refusing though, the days when you aren't at work are yours to spend as you like and no need to feel guilty and apologetic.

Also you could try not to be too easy to get hold of. Shield your calls a bit. Leave it to go to answering machine and not get back to them for ages. Preferably when you can leave a message or just text back. Excuses? House renovations are noisy! You were out, busy, sleeping etc.

Yes, I always feel bad saying no, and get hot and bothered about it. So weird!

I did say no to my new bully manager at my new job, when he asked me to work my first friday off. It was only my first week at work too. I had errands to run, and just said so. I still ended up doing a couple of hours in the morning, for what turned out to be a waste of time. Thankfully he left the next week. I couldn't have worked for him.

You can say you have been advised to rest, pregnant women are advised to take rest. You can say you are watching your blood pressure, pregnant women do watch their blood pressure.

I am like this. If I do say no, I feel obliged to give an explanation as to why, often long or somewhat exaggerated, when actually the situation warrants a simple "no that's not possible".

One day I will grow a backbone....

Make sure your MW appointments are in works time too! They cannot dock your wages, providing you work enough hours to get maternity pay. Have they done a risk assessment yet?

I work at the GP surgery so can't really invent extra appts :/ plus I don't want to lie I just don't want to do any extras!

Number comes up as a private caller but having calls from delivery companies etc at the moment so can't really screen

Just hate feeling guilty!

I wasn't really talking about inventing extra appointments, just taking the ones you have in work's time.

Sounds like you are pretty busy anyway. No need to feel guilty.

I realised that as soon as I hit post, sorry!

You could possibly buy a pay as you go phone to receive calls re. deliveries etc, if it really bothers you.

No worries.

It doesn't normally bother me doing extra but it's been a constant ask this year thanks to another secretary going on long term sick and I reckon the bump is having a growth spurt as I'm shattered. Just wish I was better at saying no/not feeling guilty about saying no really!

I don't like lying about things like that but I am happy to say no. It's actually easier not to give any excuses at all, let alone fabricated ones.
If you gives excuses people may try and reason with you but if you just say no it's much more final.
If I am pushed for an excuse I sometimes say that it's because I don't want to.
I am a helpful person but don't get the guilt some people get.

It takes practice but very satisfying when you do. Practice in the mirror. They ask you to work, you put on sad face and say, sorry I'd love to help, but I don't work Fridays [or insert day of choice]. People are often a little taken aback, but theres really no come back to this.

One technique I used (but this was with a friend who was asking for too much childcare rather than an employer) was to say something like "I'm not sure, let me check my diary and get back to you" if I felt I was being pushed into a corner. That gave me space to think. I'd then call back and if I wanted to turn down the request I'd say something like "sorry, I can't, I'm busy/have plans" Giving specific reasons gives people the opportunity to find wiggle room.