To not let my DD have her belly button pierced

[niceguy2]

DD is 17, 18 in 5 months time. Last year she came to me asking if she could have her belly button pierced. I said no. She's already got her ears pierced several times per ear and frankly I hate piercings.

She split up with her boyfriend on Tuesday and today has asked me again. I said no, she can wait til she's 18. DD isn't happy with this. Says her life is so depressing, she's no friends, nothing to look forward to and having her belly button pierced would make her happy. And what does it matter anyway since she'll be 18 in 5 months.

My argument is that she's trying to make herself happy today but it's not addressing the fundamental problem which is that she's unhappy with her own life. She's boxed herself into a corner with her friends. The really good friend who lives next door she rarely sees and only calls when she's bored. As a result friend has grown more distant. She's two 'best friends' who she also rarely sees as one is constantly with her BF and the other rarely comes out anyway. I was sort of hoping they would go to a different college since DD managed to make lots of new friends when she did NCS last year but they've all fallen by the wayside as her two old friends followed her to the same college.

AIBU to say no to her having belly button pierced? I would actually consider giving way if she was happy in herself but right now she's just trying to have a quick fix. And as I've told her, i worry she's treating the symptoms and not the cause. Ie. tomorrow she'll be down again. What will she want piercing then? Her argument is she'll deal with that tomorrow and she just wants to do something today or sit around the house.

So MN'er's. AIBU

PS. Mum is about as useful as a chocolate teapot and would make things worse, so not point in talking to her. She's grown up with me and I'm the primary carer.

[Topaz25]

Sorry I missed your last post. Look up reviews of the piercing parlour online to see if they have positive reviews. I think a tenner is average but it's a while since I've had a piercing. Here is some more information about what to look for in a piercer:
www.beautytreatmentexpert.co.uk/body-piercing-professional.html

[LyndaCartersBigPants]

Ah just seen your update. I'm sure she'll be temporarily really happy and a someone else said up thread, when she realises that the rest of her life is still the same perhaps she'll be motivated to do something more positive while she's feeling happy about her new piercing (and her cool dad who gave her his blessing even though he hates them )

[Swoopdewoop]

Oh let her get it done. She's going to get it done anyway and she'll either remember you as the person who made her wait for no reason at all, or the person who gave her space to be who she wants to be.

If she changes her mind, it can come out. It's not a tattoo. No big deal so why make an issue of it?

[happystory]

Agree with swoop where's the harm? Just let her. FWIW dd had it done at 16 and 17 and both times it rejected....

[pebblyshit]

I really struggled with friendships in my teens and my biggest barrier was my parents refusal to allow me to be my own person. It was hard trying to fit in with my peers, develop as an individual and meet parental expectations at the same time and it all had to me done in dorky clothes and one stud in each ear.

[pinkie1982]

She might just get it anyway. It's not as though she is getting a tribal tattoo on her face is it? It isn't going to be on show daily for you to disprove of. It can be taken out. It is cosmetic and not life changing.

Ploppy16 - does she need councelling?? Are you serious? I have a tongue piercing, lip, nose, numerous ear pearcings and 8 tattoos. Do I need counselling? No I am getting things I like and forging my own identity

[bigdeal]

shes nearly 18 its not up to you what she gets pierced at her age, what is it with controlling parents , cant they see the damage they do in the long run.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Well done OP. Hopefully she will be so happy with how it looks that she'll contact her friends to show it off.

Re friends situation, there isn't really a lot you do to help her. Just be there for her I guess, and maybe try build her confidence. It is hard when the solution seems so obvious but she lacks the confidence to take it on board.

[GrumpyInYorkshire]

I'm glad you've relented, OP. At 17, it's her decision to make - and chances are, she'll have removed it by the time she's 21!

FWIW, I got my navel pierced at 14, when my mum told me I couldn't get my ears pierced. Thought I'd go the whole hog, as it were. Over the next few years I got just about everything pierced, but you'd never know it now (all healed, v respectable profession etc!)

The only piercing that remains is the navel. Which, despite what a poster said above, survived pregnancy absolutely fine, and now looks little different to how it did almost 20 years ago (frantically touches wood....)

[Anonynony]

I was 13

[Pumpkinpositive]

The law says you can get any piercing under the age of 18 without parental permission except nipples and genitals.

Not really any less stupid is it?

[Marylou62]

Well done OP. I let my DD have hers done at 15 with the strict proviso that if she came home with any facial piercings she was out. (whether it would have come to that....?). I actually had mine done at 38 and went on to design my own belly bar from broken bits of gold I had for my 40th. No one knows unless were talking about it and I show them (not a pretty sight!) But I love mine! What's the worse that can happen? Gets taken out and they're left with a small hole. My DN had her lip done and it caused erosion of the enamel on her teeth. She took it out and now she has a hole that looks like a big blackhead. Luckily my DD saw it so says she'll never get that done.. She's an adult now and her body...but I hope she never gets a facial piercing or a visible tattoo. Any thing that she might regret later but will always be there.

[specialsubject]

she can do it - if she wants to look like everyone else. There are also healing issues if you have swimming sessions soon.

but of course it won't make her happy, she'll be the same miserable person with a pierced stomach. If this is depression she needs help. If it is teenage angst she needs reassurance that there will be more boyfriends, and needs more in her life to keep her busy and happier.

whichever it is, hope it is sorted.