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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

should this school be a bit more flexible?

48 replies

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 19:12

Have been offered a primary place at our third choice school. It seems fine - Ofsted 'good' etc. Would like to go and look around before deciding.

Called them today - they have 'tours' coming up (which are aimed at people considering applying to the school but which we could join), about one a week for three or four weeks but all at 11 am. I can't go at 11am as DD is at another local school at nursery and I would need to leave at 11.10 or so to get her. No local childcare option. Could drag parents (in their late 70s and 80s - dad v ill) up to do it but not a BRILLIANT option.

They were incredibly unhelpful on the phone. Just basically 'it's 11 am, we have building work going on, take it or leave it.' They suggested I take DD out of nursery for the morning but I want to come and see the school before I decide and that's not going to be easy when I'm attending to her, plus I just want to make the decision alone iyswim? It won't be a sort of 'Oooooooh look at your new school darling' visit, more of a 'what are the sports facilities like?' visit.

So AIBU to ask to speak to the head to sort this out? Because I'm not saying I can only come it at 8.30 on the third Wednesday of the month I'm just saying that it seems weird that they only have one time, which is a time loads of people won't be able to make because that's when nursery am sessions kick out. And that given that they're going to be having building work for the next year or so maybe their message needs to be 'business as usual' rather than 'we can't cope with this'??

AI?

OP posts:

maddening · 23/04/2014 19:43

how old is dd that you have to pick up at 11? Would she really not be able to come on the tour with you?

Charliegirl21 · 23/04/2014 19:46

You seem to want the school to be flexible but you won't be yourself? Ie arrange for someone else to collect your DD just on that one occasion. I think that's what PP meant when they said you had a number of options.

Honestly give the school a chance.
DH and I were given a tour of the DSs' school by the charming head, 45 minutes with him plus a chat in his office. He turned out to be absolutely rubbish and ended up taking the school into special measures. How they arrange parent visits is not an indication of how good a school is.

SpottieDottie · 23/04/2014 19:50

When I wanted to have a second look at the school we were thinking about for my youngest because they was worrying about it the school couldn't have been more helpful. That's not a primary school though.They arranged a time to suit us and my working hours and did the same when they had their open day at a time when I was working. If it was just that a child was in nursery then I'd take them out, so I think YABU a little unreasonable.

KellyHopter · 23/04/2014 19:53

Don't go to the head about this, all you'll achieve is marking yourself out as one of those parents.

We have tours on a set day and at a set time over the course of a few weeks, same set up as you describe.

We do that because we are a busy school. The deputy head who does the tours has a diary full to bursting; there are only certain times of the day when it's not intrusive/distracting to the pupils to have groups walking around; everybody thinks their own circumstances require special consideration - if you get to pick your own time, why can't everyone else?

Unexpected · 23/04/2014 19:54

Actual school itself is going to be a shock to you if you are considering complaining about this. I do think that schools should make some effort to accommodate parents but they also have to fulfil their primary function of educating our children. This is an incredibly busy term and SATs will be underway now so they simply can't have parents wandering around at their convenience. You are also sounding a bit precious about not being able to manage your daughter while on the tour. Why on earth can't you ask about the sports facilities while she is with you?

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/04/2014 19:55

I like the sound of the school, to me it's about putting the children in their care first.

Dd school had 1 time slot for all parents in the evening.

Do you realise that the school must safe guard the children and this may be the only way possible

bakingtins · 23/04/2014 19:56

Why did you apply for a school you haven't checked out???

YABU, they are running a school, not dancing to the tune of every prospective parent. They may have hundreds of parents wanting to look around because most people will check out all the potential schools before applying for 2015

Finola1step · 23/04/2014 20:04

YABU.

At my son's school, they have a tour scheduled for November. For the new applicants. Very, very few in year admissions.

But they do also have an open evening in July which is the celebration evening for all the parents. Prospective parents can also go along and be given a tour of the school by a departing Year 6 child (which we found very useful). Have you checked their website to see if they do anything similar?

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 20:05

Quite possibly being U but definitely not being pedantic! Most routines run on a weekly basis. If I'm busy one Wednesday at 11 it's likely I'm busy every Wednesday at 11. It would make sense to have a couple of options really wouldn't it?

But yes clearly IABU. :)

OP posts:

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 20:13

pp have asked why I didn't set the school before putting it down. I saw three schools eighteen months ago before nursery applications, got option 1, put that down as option 1 for reception as we were happy with it. Was fine with options 2 and 3 thinking of she was offered one I would go and see it. Which I would now like to do.

With DD in tow obv :)

OP posts:

DoJo · 23/04/2014 20:13

I'm more surprised that you don't feel as though you would be able to look around a school with a four year old in tow to be honest. What do you think she will do that would prevent you from focussing on the matter in hand?

thereisnoeleventeen · 23/04/2014 20:15

On the plus side if you take DD you might get to see how the teacher head/etc relate to children. I took DD on a few tours, it was actually less than ideal having her with me for several reasons but it was very interesting to see how the HT's spoke to her.

My two favorite schools had HT's who engaged with DD. Of the other schools one HT pretty much ignored her completely and another HT was really patronising.

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 20:17

Talk to me bloody constantly about everything under the sun?

OP posts:

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 20:19

I did take her the first time we looked around. This head ignored her completely...

OP posts:

Bugsylugs · 23/04/2014 20:23

All the schools we looked at were really flexible. They wanted you to see the school as it is not a set up tour. I can see how this situation would be trying and also concerning.

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 20:29

Maybe I'm being a bit 'halo and horns' about it tbh. I did think the HT was an eejit so it's possible that I'm not giving it a fair go.

Possible I said. Not definitively the case...

OP posts:

bochead · 23/04/2014 20:36

The sports facilities are irrelevant in a state primary. They get to do a whole hour of PE per week. If you want your child to do lots of sports then you'll have to arrange it outside school or hope they run some good after school clubs. This is how the NC demands have crowded out stuff parents used to take for granted in previous generations.

Again nowadays parents are expected to fit in around schools, not the other way round. This manifests itself in all sorts of ways from Lunchbox police to being expected to have your mobile on at all times no matter your job.

One morning off nursery is not the end of the world and you should be able to keep one four year old under control for the duration of the tour.
I do think you are going to mark yourself out as one of those parents before she's even started if you aren't careful. School is all about fitting into the herd.

BackforGood · 23/04/2014 20:41

I don't understand why you don't ask one of the other parents picking up from Nursery at the same time as you normally do, if they would mind taking her home with them until you get there - it's not going to be for long, is it?
Agree with others that I would not be impressed with a school who used their staff to "be available" all the time rather than using them effectively for - well - here's a thought... teaching! Yes, from the outside it would make sense to have one tour on a Tuesday afternoon and another on a Thursday morning, etc., but it's quite possible there are very valid reasons why that isn't best use of staff time.

42notTrendy · 23/04/2014 20:47

I also think YABU. But I think it's because it's your third choice. We got our second choice school and were never completely happy as I suspect we were predisposed to look for the negatives, because it wasn't our first choice.

There are a few reasons why 11am is a good tour time - all children will probably in lessons so you can get a good feel for the learning that goes on, behaviour is generally better in the morning so you see the school at it's best, all teachers are likely to be in as PPA more frequently takes place in the afternoons and it's after the morning rush so the head/SLT will be able to spend time with prospective parents.

All said and done, you are sadly not the priority!

thereisnoeleventeen · 23/04/2014 20:55

Oh, I wish I hadn't said anything now...sorry. At least you are giving the school another go and (if all LEA's do it the same way) you will be automatically put on the waiting list for one of your more preferred schools? There is a lot of moving about etc between now and the first six months of school.

If you don't think the head is up to much then see what your DD's prospective teacher is like, she/he is the person then most needs to be good, DD had a really good year in a school with a very annoying/difficult head but a fantastic reception teacher, it was only in the following year that I had to move her.

Nennypops · 23/04/2014 21:15

I really don't think OP IBU, I think 11 a.m. is possibly the most inconsiderate time they could have thought of. Not only is it difficult for parents with children in nursery, it would be an absolute PITA for working parents (including, let's not forget, fathers) who work the standard 9-5 or 9.30 to 5.30 day: it means you've got to take off the entire morning when, if the tour happened at, say, 9.30 you could at least be in work by around 11 and could make up the time missed reasonably easily. And because it comes bang in the middle of the morning, it's not even as if you can do anything that productive before you have to leave to go to the school.

At the school where I'm a governor they offer trips around the school at varying times, and it's a big three form entry school where there's been a lot of building work. So it's obviously perfectly doable.

missymayhemsmum · 23/04/2014 21:21

Well, YANBU, but your choices are limited. My dd's school is undersubscribed so the HT would put herself out to show potential parents round. Schools that don't have to (because they have a great reputation) might not. And also, if my first contact had been a conversation with the receptionist I would never ever have gone near the place again, tbh. The school is great, the receptionist is not the best advert, to put it mildly. Perhaps they have organised the tour so it suits parents at their own nursery?
You could email the HT, explain the difficulty and ask, (and risk being labelled a high maintenance parent) or you could just sort it out and go with or without dd. This is important enough to pull in a favour, surely?

Do you actually have a decision to 'choose' this school or do you really just have to make up your mind to like it or move? If the latter, then pull in a favour and give yourself the space to think about it.

Original poster

unusednickname · 23/04/2014 21:46

Thank heavens for the dissenting voices :)

No literally ask about sports facilities :)

OP posts:

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