AIBU to want my family to be treated like we matter?

[shadack]

Ive posted before about DP'S family and their treatment of us ignoring me basically cutting us out of a very close family unit but now they are ignoring my 16 day old DD and putting upsetting comments on social media am i overreacting? i feel like i want to go NC and refuse to let them in if they ever do turn up or do i chase them up about it?
The things that are getting to me the most are

DP's cousin had her DS 10 weeks ago everyone visited in hospital or by the end of the first week the only visits we have had are GP's and the Cousin with her new DS and one who lives on the mainland not even a phone call from the others who all live less than 5 mins away

SIL organized a baby shower for me not something i wanted but she did, it was only DP's very close cousins no friends or family of mine. After guessing her weight and DOB they just talked between themselves as i sat in a corner were i wasn't even offered a drink

DP's aunt making comments about cousins DS saying "finally a boy!" on FB and just a few days ago posting a picture of her holding him saying " the oldest and youngest members of the ... family!" . . . is it just my hormones acting up making me upset or does my DD not count as a member of the family? it took another family member commenting that actually my DD was the youngest but the aunt never posted anything else

I had a difficult birth with DD's life at risk and an EMCS which was described as the worst the staff had ever experienced, when i got home we had help for about 3 days from family but now i am expected to run the house and deal with the baby as well as playing host when GP's visit
DP can't do more as he works too many hours to support us as it is on a low wage and is physically exhausted when he gets in

I honestly don't know if this is hormones or not but its making me feel really down

They sound rather unpleasant and I'm not sure why you'd want them visiting you. If the baby shower is anything to go by, I suspect their visits would leave you feeling upset too.

Obviously I don't know you, but horm

Sorry
Hormones are certainly all over the place in the years weeks after giving birth, so maybe you are getting upset when you shouldn't. But it's also natural to feel as though Everyone else should love and value your dd as much as you do.
I'd ignore them and be grateful they're not imposing on you. Enjoy your baby, congratulations.

Hmm I think you are being a tiny bit over-sensitive and it might help for you to go through each of these incidents and ask yourself questions about why people did or did not do each thing. There are many reasons why people post on facebook, there are many reasons why it might have seemed as though everyone else was ignoring you at the baby shower. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

If you feel rejected and ignored perhaps you should focus on the people that do include and involve you and forget the others. If you get on with the cousin and the SIL then arrange things with them, perhaps make an effort every week or so. Try not to think about the others too much.

When there are new children in a family the whole family dynamic changes and there is a bit of a settling in period while everyone establishes their roles and connections. Focus on your baby, your DP and the good people. The others may come round as things settle down. And post nice positive stuff on Facebook yourself - don't expect replies, do it for you!

Thanyou for your reply's it seems then that my hormones may be betraying me again along with lack of sleep
Looking at it now you've commented i guess they, as a family, all grew up together so would naturally be closer while i am basically an outsider with very different interests

Unfortunately i am still unable to do much under doctors orders so meeting up with the nice 2 would cause problems for a few weeks but at least it's something to look forward to when the weather is good

FB wise i only keep it to stay in contact with a few good friends and DB who all live many miles away and i feel funny about posting pictures of DD on it and the comments i have put so far and their reply's have effectively stopped me wanting to post publicly anymore

Give it time Shadack. You will find your balance. Hormones are a bugger - try and have as many naps as you can to make up for lost sleep. It should get a lot better by 3 months when the feeds are more spread apart. And call the good people for a chat. Have you joined any baby groups? They were a lifeline for me, NCT etc.

Have they actually posted nasty comments on pictures of your DD? Was DPs aunt the DG of the baby? Maybe if the DS was her DGS it was a kind of generational photo of her particular family not the extended family.