to stop breastfeeding in this way?

[Sampanther]

My dd has just turned 2 and I'm almost 12 wks pregnant. Dd has always co-slept and I've loved co-sleeping and breastfeeding. However, for the past four months or so she's been sleeping well for the first 2-3 hours then feeding on one boob while twiddling/pulling the other nipple all night. It is uncomfortable and leaves me awake thinking 'just let go!!' By morning my chest feels bruised and I feel thoroughly mauled.

I had no set age I wanted to stop feeding (fed other dd til 2.8 yrs when she self-weaned) but with this recent annoying habit and the baby, now seems a good time. I began last night by explaining she could have one feed then my boobs don't work until morning. She went to sleep feeding as usual then when she woke I kept my top half covered and cuddled her but kept repeating to lay down, we are tired and need to sleep. She moaned a tiny bit but otherwise laid down, flopped about a bit but generally laid quietly until she fell asleep. It probably took over an hour but I figure that time will reduce.

I was speaking to my friend about it this morning and she said that just putting in her own bed would be more effective and quicker as there's simply be no boob access. I think removing feeding and co-sleeping all at once is too much and that she'd scream the house down if simply put in her own bed. She has great comprehension but can't talk so it's difficult. I felt last night wasn't too bad a start.

Aibu to think that my way is ok or am I being too soft/ineffective?

Sounds like she's perfectly capable of getting back to sleep without feeding so in my opinion, there's nothing soft about working through a change gently, and definitely nothing ineffective about it.

I think that is a perfectly reasonable approach. I had to nightwean DS1 when he was 2 (I was knackered with a sore back that was never getting the rest to heal). We both went through when he woke and I cuddled him for about 90 minutes while he raged and tantrummed and cried and tried to pull up my top, etc. It was horrible but I kept reassuring mysefl that I wasn't leaving him to cry, that I was there to hold him and that he was just angry at not getting what he wanted. After 90 minutes he collapsed in my arms, exhausted. The next night it was only 30 minutes (and not as intense) and he fell asleep on me. The third night it was 10 minutes of half hearted complaints and on night 4 he slept through :-D

I also told him that he would get milk in the morning but not during the night when it was dark.

Your girl seems to be much more accepting of boob deprivation than my son was, so I'd just continue on (if I were you).

I think your way is OK. I couldn't stand DS comfort feeding when I was pregnant with DD1 (similar age gap), so I explained to him that he was allowed a feed at bedtime, and then cuddles until the morning (and water if he was thirsty). He quickly understood.
He didn't like colostrum so he nearly stopped feeding at the end of the pregnancy, and stopped altogether when DD1 was born. I still cuddled him to sleep.
Then, a few months later, he told me one night "I'm a big boy, I can go to sleep on my own". And he has ever since.

I think it depends on the child, tbh.

DC1 just wouldn't have understood, and so you would probably have needed to put her in a separate room, DC2 would have been happy enough to cuddle and not feed.

Oh javotte that would be lovely - dd has never slept through or longer than 4 hours I reckon. I figure I've done my bit and deserve some sleep now...before the next one is born and takes it again

Peach when she first woke and tried to feed again I explained and she grumbled so I offered that she could get out of bed if she wanted. She wanted to stay so stayed quiet until she fell asleep.

Stopping both breastfeeding and co-sleeping at the same time sounds tough. But if you want to stop the breastfeeding I think you might have to stop the co-sleeping first? what if you stopped the co-sleeping but carried on breastfeeding? Could you feed her to sleep then put her in a cot. She might sleep well without you moving next to her. You could still bring her back into your bed when she wakes up. Eventually she would go longer and longer in her cot- hopefully. Hopefully you would avoid the problem of her mauling your boobs, and if you want to stop bf, then gradually cut it down.

If you want to stop breastfeeding, it seems stopping breastfeeding but carrying on co-sleeping would be harder for her, as she's going to be next to your boob all night.

Mind you- haven't actually been in your situation. DS is only 19 months old, He feeds to sleep, sleeps in cot usually all night, and comes in with us for a bf/doze/cuddle/book early in the morning, but we've never done co-sleeping all night, so sorry if my comments aren't very helpful!

It isn't me moving that wakes her. I get up once she's asleep and she wakes after 2-3 hrs then literally doesn't let go all night. She would be upset at being physically separate (more so than she seems by being unable to feed) And most likely climb out of a cot to get back in bed!

I did the same as you, stopped bfeeding at night but still co slept and then they moved into their own bed some months later when they ready.

Stopping bfeeding and co sleeping at the same time would have been too much.

Could you sleep in a bra then the milk is more evidently off limits? If she's used to co-sleeping, I'd leave her where she is, particularly as it's her continually snacking that's the problem rather than her co-sleeping per se.

badidea

I am in this situ too, will try your idea Badidea I have not had full night sleep since over a year ago.

I tink its habit only now not need, so I need ot break habit.

icansmell it's hard isn't it? DS1 was waking every 2-3 hours and had done since he was 4 months (was okay at 3 months old, but then it all went to pot!).

We tried at first DH doing the night thing, but he'd know I was there and would just complain until I came through so I figured that I had to be the one to say No to him so he'd understand it was final.

It was a hard 90 mins for me (he's 4.5 yrs now and i'll never forget it) but he was right as rein the next day and the second night was nowhere near as bad as the first.

Sometimes you just need to put yourself first.