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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a bit of support from dp

18 replies

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:23

I've had a bit of a tough time work wise. I took a sales job in January and to be completely honest I'm useless at it, they clearly agree and I know full well I won't pass my probation in may.

It has been making me ill, the long hours mean I barely spend time with my dc and I am teary and anxious all the time.

My dps mother owns her own business and has offered me work through her, part time but this will give me opportunity to job hunt as well. So yesterday I went to work with her after emailing the sales job saying that I just couldn't do it anymore.

Dp has gone mental at me, he thinks I'm being lazy (he's between jobs!) and that it was stupid and irresponsible to just leave, he's also convinced they won't pay me what I'm owed this month.

Am I being unreasonable to have left for the sake of my bloody sanity?

My dps no

OP posts:

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:23

Oh silly phone. Ignore the typo.

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 23/04/2014 09:28

Did you discuss it with Dh first?
Not saying it's not the right decision but it's one that affects your family so it should have been discussed with him.
It's not right for him to call you lazy though, sales is tough and nit for everyone

niceguy2 · 23/04/2014 09:29

Tough one. On the one hand you clearly were unhappy in the job. On the other hand quitting without speaking to your partner isn't great either.

Can you both cope financially on the part time pay your DP's mum will pay you?

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2014 09:30

He's obviously worried about money - when will he be working again? He can't put it all on your shoulders.

And if you work for your MiL can you claim tax credits to help? Are you actually on her books rather than cash in hand?

You're not exactly sitting about doing nothing, you know you'd have been let go in May and you're actively job searching.

Is your DP?

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:31

Yes, we spoke many times about me finding something and leaving. He helped go through applications and was there at his mum's when she offered. So he's been fully informed, I just don't think he expected me to go through with it.

It's upset me as I supported him leaving his job to further his career choices even though it means he's not working properly until June.

I think if I stayed in sales I'd have a breakdown. I couldn't do it and the cold calling made me cringe.

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/04/2014 09:34

It's upset me as I supported him leaving his job to further his career choices even though it means he's not working properly until June.

Well he is a total hypocrite then!

YANBU - sometimes we have to put our own sanity and quality of life first.

niceguy2 · 23/04/2014 09:35

It could be just timing then. If he was in a job maybe he would be less bothered. But with you now part time, unsure if you will get paid for the time you've worked this month and him out of work then he could be understandably worried about making ends meet.

CaptChaos · 23/04/2014 09:36

So, he leaves his job to widen his career choices. You leave a job you hate and are no good at in order to do one which you are very capable of and he's all butthurt about it?

You know fine well that YANBU!

wishinwaitinhopin · 23/04/2014 09:38

This is exactly what has happened to me. My job was making me unwell and I hated being away from DS. So I quit and my partner has been nothing but incredibly supportive. He said he doesn't want me to be sick and it's just not worth it.
I think your DP should be more supportive. Oh and if he's not working then I don't know why he has any right to comment!

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:39

Money will be tight but it will be manageable. I'm owed a bit from the sales job for this month and I didn't just leave them in the lurch, sent an email explaining my reasons and offered to work notice if they wanted.

It's just been making me so ill I think I'd rather have a very skint month than feel like that again. Dps mum pays well and will help with tax credits etc. I'm very thankful to her for offering me a way out.

The hours mean I can really knuckle down and find something else, interviews won't be a problem and I'm still earning enough to keep things ticking over. Just not luxuries.

I hope I did the right thing. I just need him to be on my side, like I always am for him. I'm trying so hard.

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BeckAndCall · 23/04/2014 09:43

So you left your job giving no notice? Just didn't go in again?

You'll get no references, which won't matter if you work for your MIL but would if you want to move to another different job in the near future.

And you didn't discuss with your DH before you did it? If someone came on her and said their DH had quit his job - not just quit but walked away - without discussing it and with no prospect of references, then it think he balance of opinion would be different from what you're hearing here.

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:46

I did discuss it with him, he was there when she offered and we've spoken about me leaving for weeks.

I offered to work my notice period, when I emailed them (as I've said already). They were very understanding.

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Nennypops · 23/04/2014 09:49

You really should have talked to the people in the sales job rather than just telling them you weren't going in. It sounds as if they might well have agreed to release you and pay you up to that date, or at least let you go with a short notice period, and that way you could get a reference.

And yes, whilst you were talking you should certainly have included DH in the discussions. It's clearly something that affects both of you.

BeckAndCall · 23/04/2014 09:49

Sorry berry. Didn't spot the bit about the notice period. In which case you have a good case for going back to them and asking about references, which is going to be relevant later on.

Good luck with finding someone permanent that suits you - just keep looking - it's out there somewhere!

niceguy2 · 23/04/2014 09:50

I don't think it's as clear as "He quits and it's OK but you quit and it's not".

The million dollar question is can they manage financially for the next couple of months. Timing is everything and maybe it would have been better for OP to stick it out for another month. Or maybe if they'd discussed how they were going to cope financially and put a plan into place.

Then I'd say he was being unreasonable. But right now if my wife came home and said "I hate that job" then a few weeks later quit. Then I'd be pretty pissed off too.

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 09:54

That's ok. I think they get it alot really and were very nice about it. I've been emailing on and off yesterday and today as I got on so well with everyone, it was just the actual job I was struggling with. It's such a shame but I was desperately unhappy.

I have an interview on Friday as a friend is looking for staff in her new shop so hopefully that will work out.

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weatherall · 23/04/2014 10:26

He should be supporting you. (Emotionally I mean)

Original poster

Berryglitter · 23/04/2014 13:22

Financially we should be fine. Our bills are minimal luckily and I have a bit in savings if needed. All this has been discussed with him.

On the plus side I've managed to update my cv, work for mil and apply for lots already today. Resulting in two interviews next week.

Have also spoken to my boss/ex boss at the sales job who has said to come and see her tomorrow for a chat to see if anything can be done.

I can't do much more, I probably was unreasonable to not keep trying at sticking to it but my health was suffering.

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