to wish people would stop giving me unsolicited advice?

[vladthedisorganised]

This is driving me insane.
I enjoy running - slowly, not about to win any races, not pretending to be anything other than a jogger - and generally have a trot around the locality most days. I had an operation recently which meant I couldn't run for a while, and am slowly working up to my previous pace.

The bloke who sits next to me at work asked why I had brought my sports kit in to work, and I mentioned that I was going for a run later on. Despite not having ever seen me run, he spent the next hour lecturing me on using the wrong app to track my pace, said my stride length must be wrong if I couldn't remember it, I was running much too slowly, I shouldn't be pacing myself but going as fast as possible or I would never improve, I clearly wasn't much of a runner if I couldn't automatically tell a 5k marker when I saw one... etc. By the end of it I was ready to hang up my trainers for good and/or whack him one if he asked me another 'challenging' question - such as 'what's your starting pace? Why? Give me numbers, not just tapping on the desk. But why don't you know your per-kilometer pace? Why doesn't that bother you? It should!"

This is just one example as I seem to get this all the time. It seems to be mostly men who do this, usually telling me what I'm doing is all wrong - I've even had unknown people in the office ticking me off for typing "the wrong way".

Why do people do this, and AIBU to want advice as and when I ask for it? Granted, advice like "there's a huge hole in the road up ahead' is useful information, but it seems that the vast majority of the time I get advice, it's stuff I neither want nor need, and it only succeeds in making me feel inferior and/or pissed off.

Would you like some advice on how to deal with this?
I'm confused :)

At any point you have the option to say thank you but I've got this. You choose to listen and then get frustrated.

I just wonder if it is genuinely kindly meant - as I keep telling myself - or if there's another reason people do it? I suppose I wonder if I'm BU not to be eternally grateful for people's input, even if I never asked for it in the first place and don't feel it's particularly helpful?

"fuck off" is a complete sentence!

People are trying to help, albeit clumsily?

'Why have you brought your sports kit into work?'

'What's it got to do with you?'

Someone starts prattling on, get up and go make a cuppa and let them prattle on to themselves.

Have you said to any of these people 'Thank you, but I'm actually running as part of a recovery from operation physiotherapy routine and my timings and pace have been set for me by my consultant'? Then clamp your headphones down, cut eye contact and carry on!

Have you heard of the term 'mansplaining'? Your colleague's unsought advice is a classic example, even if kindly intended.

It's also, I think, a widespread difference between typically male and female conversational styles - a woman would typically be far less likely to address a similar topic with questions designed to put the other person on the spot, or to require information that will allow her to judge the other person's prowess at their hobby.

I make use of the following phrases in such situations of unsought advice:

'Really? Is that what you would do?'

'Let me stop you there. If I find myself in need of advice, I'll ask you.' [Or, to make it more abrupt, say you'll ask on the Runner's World forum'.]

'You seem terribly interested in my stats. Why?'

Why do you engage? By answering questions, trying to provide the information and 'tapping on the desk' to prove something to him, you are encouraging further comment.

If this is happening to you a lot and from different people then it might be that you either sound unsure of yourself or appear to be asking for advice when you aren't.

Interesting question, Burren. I suppose I start by assuming it's a straightforward 'ah, you enjoy running and so do I - what routes do you prefer?' sort of conversation, which I'm happy to engage in- the sort that says "Ah, I didn't know there was a canal there, that sounds like a nice route. I like the one that goes through the forest.." What I don;t really expect or like is that it turns into a competition - "you shouldn't have done it that way, you ought to do it this way!" in a challenging manner. So something that is a non-issue turns out to be a contest where someone has to win. I would be better, I suspect, saying "Why the hell run by the canal? Why? It's flat - don't you want to challenge yourself or something? How do you expect to improve on a flat path? Tell me how? HOW???"

I guess it's the competitiveness of unsolicited advice that I can't stand. A bit like 'that baby should be wearing a hat' seems to be a 'I know your baby better than you do' comment when we're tired and don't need the hassle.

How do you not engage though, genuine question ( I can't tell people at work to fuck off ) but would love I stop listening to their stupid advise.

You respond and engage too much. A conversation-breaker such as "you know, I run for fun and am not interested in numbers and distances really... now, have you heard about this guy killed in Syria?" or something like that should suffice.

Possibly because people who are really into running and cycling are generally obsessed twats

Its quite possible to run and cycle without turning it into a scientific demonstration or olympic event. Both can just be done for enjoyment rather than as a means to an end.

Change the subject.

If you are work, you shouldn't be yakking on about running for an hour anyway.

It is a competitive show-offy thing they are doing - unless you know you are also a cycling/running nerd (and I mean nerd nicely). So cut it off and get on with something else.

There's nothing rude about politely bringing a conversation to an end and doing something else. 'Oh well, I only run for fun so I;m not interested in all that , anyway, I must get on with these reports/my work/stuffing this penguin.'

Yawn and look away!