Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not want to move my baby into his own room?

20 replies

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 10:45

DS is 9 months old and not yet properly sleeping through the night. He usually wakes several times. Usually if I respond quickly I can pop his dummy back in and he will go straight back to sleep. At least once each night he will require a bit more help to drop back off and I will need to rock him or even breastfeed him back to sleep.

I was night weaning him and for a few weeks wasn't feeding him if he woke before about 5am. This has started creeping earlier and sometimes its 3.30am and I'm feeding him because nothing else will get him back to sleep. I can spend 30 mins plus patting and rocking him only got him to start crying again the moment I stop. Or I can feed for 5 mins and he will be fast asleep and I can get back into bed.

Because of this he is still in our room. By choice DH sleeps in another room. He is constantly on at me to move DS into his own room. He says that I am "making a rod for my own back" and other stupid things. He is also saying that I am never going to let DS be independent and likens me to the woman we know who does everything for her 17 year old!

I'm in no hurry to put DS into another room. DH seems to think that will be the magical cure to make DS sleep through. I know that the reality will mean I will be up and down the hallway all night instead. I think DH seriously believes that it would be best if I ignored his cries in the night and that he would go back to sleep on his own. I think he would just end up more distressed.

So apologies for the slighty rambling post but AIBU?

OP posts:

Tweasels · 22/04/2014 10:48

Your DH is being ridiculous. Are you sure it's about the baby and not that he is feeling pushed out?

Does he get up to tend to the baby in the night? Will he do night feeds/cuddles etc. if he will then offer a compromise, if he doesn't then what you say goes in my opinion.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/04/2014 10:50

DS woke until he was 1 to to be fed overnight, he went in his room at 9 months. It's not a magic cure!

Offler · 22/04/2014 10:54

DS woke 2-3 time a night up until about 17 months when we moved him into his own room and he started to sleep through. We were disturbing him, and when he woke he saw me and wanted me. Now he settles himself back to sleep most of the time (he is now 21 months). I still feed him before bed as it's the easiest way to get him to sleep . But I wouldn't have moved him at 9 months if he still wants feeding.

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 11:03

I think DH is definitely feeling pushed out. He has this weird thing about us not sleeping in the same bed. He used to get annoyed if I went into the spare room too often to escape his snoring before DS was born. He thinks not sleeping together is a bad sign for our marriage, I think its sensible if it means we both get sleep!

On nights when he does sleep in the same room as me and DS he doesn't hear DS when he wakes. Or doesn't respond at least. He only gets up to him if I get really fed up and don't get up myself. Then he is forced too.

OP posts:

MonstersBalls · 22/04/2014 11:23

DS I did everything by the book and put him into his own room at 6 months. Cue months of getting up at night to settle him and sometimes falling asleep on the floor next to his cot. It was ridiculous.

With DD I just did what felt right and was most convenient for me. She slept next to me in her cot until she went into her own bed at 2.5 and it was soooo much better. She's much more independent than DS possibly because whenever she needed me I was there. I stopped bf around 1 but would just put my hand in her cot while we both slept.

Is your DH waiting for DS to move out so he can move back? He might find it's more disruptive to hear the baby crying several times a night and you having to get up to him than if he just moves back in now.

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 11:24

Yes he does an on moving back in once DS moves out. Because he thinks we won't hear DS and so he will just put himself back to sleep.

OP posts:

Tweasels · 22/04/2014 11:27

But it is his choice to sleep in the spare room. He's being a child.

You need to sit down and have a talk and try to reassure him that you are not pushing him out and if he wants to sleep in the bed with you he's welcome to.

My guess is that it's sex related. Tell him you will be way less likely to be up for sex if you're exhausted from getting up and down all night.

temporarilyjerry · 22/04/2014 13:23

I think you should do what you feel is right for your DS but...

My DS2 didn't sleep through the night until we put him into his own room at 1 year old.

Artandco · 22/04/2014 13:25

Why is dh in the other room? I assume that means he never helps in the night? Not that 'd' h then..

2rebecca · 22/04/2014 13:25

My kids slept much better in their own rooms.

tearsofrobertsmith · 22/04/2014 13:39

My baby woke through the night almost every night until 10 months- when moved into his own room he woke I think 2/3 times in total over the following week then never again. Best thing we did, we weren't disturbing him and he couldn't see or smell me. He self settled. However, my dh and I were both happy to make the change, if you are both not at the same place in your thinking it'll be tough.

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 14:10

He doesn't help much with DS in the night. He would tell you different but for every one time he gets up I've usually already done three. He does sometimes get up in the morning with DS so I can sleep in though.

Our relationships not in the best state right now so he may be thinking that if DS moves room things will pick up. I can't see any link though.

OP posts:

maras2 · 22/04/2014 14:14

Christ some men are thick.Carry on with what you're doing love.My kid's didn't sleep right through till they were about 1 so they slept in a cot next to me till then.No problem.

BackforGood · 22/04/2014 14:19

I don't think your dh is being ridiculous at all.
Surely it's worth a try, to see how you all get on? It may well be that your ds settles better without other people in the room - you don't know until you try.

Artandco · 22/04/2014 14:22

Well ours still share at 2 and 4 years! However dh has never slept in a seperate room and woke equal amounts with them. I like them in my room. I have read lots of studies and lived in many parts of the world where while families from newborns to great grandparents all share room. It's a very western view to move baby ASAP

I would keep baby as long as you like, but remind dh there's no reason he has to sleep in a diff room, he has just chosen that

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 14:24

I must admit I like DH not being in the bed. He takes up too much room and snores and disturbs my sleep.

OP posts:

maras2 · 22/04/2014 14:34

DD moved DGD into her own room at 6 months as suggested by those who know best and the child has never slept through. So DD and DSIL are up and down to a crying baby at least once a night, sometimes more.When DGD who now is 18 months stays here overnight we put the cot in our room as only have one room spare for DGS age 4 as when she stays he stays.Oddly enough she sleeps through.

badidea · 22/04/2014 14:37

No, YANBU.
My son is 10.5 months and he's still not in is own room (mainly because we have a 2 bed house and DS1 has the second room.

Difference in our house is that I sleep in the 'spare' bed in DS1's room, and DH and DS2 bedshare in our room. So, if DS2 wakes or stirs, DH rubs his back or holds his hands to get him to sleep and only gets me if it's definitely milk or booby comfort he wants.

Within a week of doing this, DS2 stopped waking every 40 minutes to bug me and now either wakes once or twice or (on some magical occassions) sleeps through.

Your DH has to learn to put his son first and put his wants second. My DH occassionally gets a bit low as we're not having as much nooky as he'd like, but we talk about it and schedule in livingroom noooky sessions - you don't need to share a bed to be close or to be intimate - DH has never even suggested putting DS2 into DS1's room yet (no way we want DS1 distrubed - he was an awful sleeper until he was 2.5 yrs!)

Original poster

Knackeredmum13 · 22/04/2014 14:42

I must admit I like DH not being in the bed. He takes up too much room and snores and disturbs my sleep.

OP posts:

claraschu · 22/04/2014 14:52

We co slept with all of ours, on and off for years. They all turned out very independent people, (and good sleepers). The "rod for your own back" stuff is absolute nonsense; we slept with ours because it was convenient and everyone was happy. They all moved out when they and we were ready.

Your DH could sleep with you if he wanted, as your DS doesn't even keep him awake. Have you thought about getting a super king sized mattress? We had one on the floor, back when we had children in and out of our bed, and it is SO comfortable. DH can snore and steal the blankets and you can have your own space. I really recommend it-

Flip