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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DH is a prick?

24 replies

gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:07

Just spent the evening celebrating a family event.
Dh and I had a good few drinks.
We were talking about how we came up with our children's names and he divulged that DS's name was not quite as random as I thought.
We had come up with 4 names that we both semi agreed on.
Couldn't agree with a single one. Knew gender etc.
On the day of the birth I thought that we discussed it with the midwife and gynae and that DH and I settled on the name.
Turns out, according to Dh that he had already discussed and agreed the name with his sisters and had then inserted the name in as "the name" while I was in a post (very fast and quite shocking) birth fug.
I like the name.
I chose it as one of the name options.
However I am totally furious that DH firstly discussed it with his sisters and secondly did not tell me about his "plot" until now. DS is 5.5.
AIBU?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 22/04/2014 00:09

Mountain

Molehill

SpringBreaker · 22/04/2014 00:10

You like the name. He likes the name. Your child has that name..

Not really sure what the problem is to be honest...

CinderellaRockefeller · 22/04/2014 00:12

So, you were fine with the idea that the midwife and the doctor (who you'll probably never meet again) had an input on your baby's name, but you're upset that your DH had a favourite among the names and had already discussed it with your baby's aunties?

Or have I missed what actually happened?

EatShitDerek · 22/04/2014 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:17

It's probably pissing me off because he said that he agreed it with his sisters first and then manipulated me into choosing it, even though it was my least favourite name. Perhaps I should get over myself. Just a bit shocked that he told me this tonight after 5.5 years.

OP posts:
Clobbered · 22/04/2014 00:17

I'd be pretty pissed off in your shoes. How very dare he?

Caitlin17 · 22/04/2014 00:20

I understand where you're coming from. I don't like my husband's family. I'd be very upset if he had discussed anything this important with any of them and the fact they might have helped pick the name would put me right off it.

Original poster
gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:21

Was that sarcasm, Clobbered? Apologies for my first world problem, all. Not the only occasion of controlling behaviour from my Dh. Just didn't realise until now how deeply it all went.

OP posts:
Original poster
gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:22

Thanks, Caitlin17, exactly that. It's our business, not his sister's business.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 22/04/2014 00:23

To be honest I can't even begin to imagine why he would have thought discussing the naming of your son with his sisters was ok. What on earth had it to do with them?

Nocomet · 22/04/2014 00:26

DH choose DD2's name in part because DSIS and my DM liked it. I do feel I was vaguely out voted.

My choice would have been to call her after DMIL (who died while I was PG). That is now her second name.

Littledidsheknow · 22/04/2014 00:26

I think I was quite manipulative in getting my DH to accept my name choices for our DC! I didn't discuss it with anyone else though. Don't feel miffed, he just wanted a name he liked; it seems you like it, too. Is it his underhand manner or your SIL's input that you resent most?

Nocomet · 22/04/2014 00:29

However, he had no choice at all over DD. I choose her name as a teen (after my favourite great aunt)

Clobbered · 22/04/2014 00:29

No, not being sarcastic, sorry if it came across that way. I'd be very annoyed to feel that a decision as important as my child's name had been discussed / decided with anyone other than me! I don't think you are over-reacting. He's probably been carrying some guilt about this, or why mention it now, all these years later?

Original poster
gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:32

I think it's that our first child is called after one of his parents (my choice), and the fact that that he deliberately discussed/ agreed our second child's name with his siblings, yet never told me, then led me to believe that we had mutually agreed it.
Just disappointed really.

OP posts:
Original poster
gointothewoods · 22/04/2014 00:35

Thanks Clobbered, sorry but I thought you were being sarcastic!
I have no idea why he just mentioned it! I locked myself in the bathroom and he went to bed and is now asleep. Probably drink related te whole thing! Easter Shock

OP posts:
Clobbered · 22/04/2014 00:54

I suppose you have to ask yourself what good can come of making an issue of it now. However, if it's part of a pattern of controlling behaviour as you mentioned, perhaps you do need to think a bit more about how you want to handle similar situations in future..

sooperdooper · 22/04/2014 08:39

But you agreed at the time that you liked the name, if you'd really hated it then it never would've been an option and you could've said no, I think you're being silly

diddl · 22/04/2014 08:43

"It's our business, not his sister's business."

But it was the MW & Gynaes business??

LineRunner · 22/04/2014 08:46

Gynaecologists help choose babies' names?

Caitlin17 · 22/04/2014 08:53

I can understand discussing it with the midwife and the gynaecologist who were actively involved than discussing it with sister-in -laws.

weatherall · 22/04/2014 08:55

I know how you feel.

We pretty much decided on a name. I called DCS this in hospital. But then he said he thought it was too 'out there' so it became her middle name and we decided on a meh first name. I ended up really hating the new name and really wish she didn't have such a boring name.

However what bugged me more was finding out it wasn't him who went off the name. His DSIS told him she didn't like it. Ie he lied to me. About something which is quite important as it is obviously part of our everyday life. You can't easily forget something like that when you are saying the name multiple times every day.

I've told him next time I'm choosing and no input from him is required. Grin

ThePriory · 22/04/2014 09:15

If I loved my pertner, and my child, I would have no problem with this.

If my DP has admitted some silght manipulation to get the name he wanted, and I actually did agree to the name, I would see the funny side.

diddl · 22/04/2014 09:26

Well tbh, based on this he doesn't sound like a prick to me.

However, YAbothBU for not discussing the name between just the two of you!

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