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AIBU?

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Original poster

To dislike MIL asking DD (3) if she has a boyfriend yet?

27 replies

JimbosJetSet · 21/04/2014 19:17

DD is 3.5 years. MIL often asks her about her friends, and if she has a boyfriend yet. If DD gives her slightly older male cousin a kiss, MIL wolf whistles and makes a big deal of it.

Obviously she is joking and thinks her comments are funny, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. As though she is sexualising DD's relationships with boys and making her conscious of things she shouldn't need to think about until she's much older.

Am I just being precious? Do I need to get a grip? What can I say to her to stop the comments? She is a lovely lady who adores DD and I wouldn't want to offend her.

OP posts:
doziedoozie · 21/04/2014 19:18

Well, I would say something as I think it is pervy.

stillnotjustamummy · 21/04/2014 19:20

Not unreasonable at all. Shut her down, it's grossly inappropriate.

LineRunner · 21/04/2014 19:20

I would tell her you find it inappropriate and exactly why.

TessTackle · 21/04/2014 19:26

So creepy, definitely try to get it nipped in the bud.

NotaDragonsEgg · 21/04/2014 19:28

Had the same with my 3yo ds. I said quite in a quite pissed off voice "He doesn't know what a girlfriend is" and that shut her up after she had gone on about it again and again.

I think it is just something people say when they don't know what to say to little children but they should think about what they are actually doing when they say this shit.

Burren · 21/04/2014 19:30

God, my patents and ILs tend towards this kind of behaviour, too. I realise it's intended humorously, but it depresses the hell out of me, and is about as funny as blonde jokes. It's definitely generational and cultural in their cases - they don't appear to have a concept of platonic relationships between male and female people of any age. I do squash such comments when made, though I don't think they understand my reasons.

Original poster
JimbosJetSet · 21/04/2014 19:47

Thank you, I'm glad it's not just me. When she asked DD yesterday if she had a boyfriend, I replied curtly 'I should hope not, she is 3 years old,' but it didn't deter her from further comments. I'll say something stronger next time perhaps!

OP posts:
Catsize · 21/04/2014 19:49

Tell her your daughter came out as a lesbian last week and is a little sensitive about relationships at the moment.

Catsize · 21/04/2014 19:50

Oh, and YANBU. It's 'orrible.

parakeet · 21/04/2014 19:53

What Catsize said.

ParkingFred · 21/04/2014 19:59

Really unfunny - I would nip it in the bud.

RedandChecker · 21/04/2014 20:04

I cannot stand this. It does come across as sexualising children's relationships from a young age and it is inappropriate.

redexpat · 21/04/2014 20:14

Would telling MIL that DD is gay shut her up?

Kundry · 21/04/2014 20:15

I think it's cute up to a point - I had a boyfriend when I was 3 and my parents thought it was hilarious. They had endless fun asking me if I was going to marry him, how many children we were going to have and how I was a heartbreaker.

I then had another longterm boyfriend at 5, one at 7 that I was inseparable from and the first starting to think about grown up feelings at 10. All totally innocent but cause of great amusement to our parents and huge embarrassment to the boyfriends' siblings.

I then totally failed to get interested in proper boys until I was 35 and met DH Smile

As long as it's gentle comment, your DD will be totally unaware of the sexual bit and having a lovely friendship.

Andrewofgg · 21/04/2014 20:20

Once upon a time there was a MIL and a DIL who ever disagreed. And the pigs flew past the window.

YANBU. Tell her to wind her bloody neck in.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 21/04/2014 20:25

I don't find it cute. I find it cute when boys and girls play together and have fun without some daft adult trying to label their relationship as a romantic one.

As for the 'yet' - it really implies that's what she (dd) should hurry up and do.

RabbitSaysWoof · 21/04/2014 20:26

It is a bit weird. YANBU
Even if DD misses the slightly pervy tones she may feel embarrassed by it after a while.

choclateheaven · 21/04/2014 21:12

I guess that's not okay because she's 3 - and her Gran! I would be mortifies if my husbands mother said that to my children.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/04/2014 21:20

Ewwww, i agree its kinda pervy.

I havent said that to my 14 yr old sister, certainly wouldnt to a 3 yr old who doesnt need to learn about that stuff.

Anyone who sexualises relationships between young children of opposite sex, is quite frankly, sick in the head.

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 21/04/2014 21:28

YANBU. Tell her now before it carries on.
I remember my own mum always used to say things like 'so have those teeth been falling out because of all the boys you've been kissing' whenever we went to the childhood dentist Hmm and though I was older than your dd I've always remembered how embarrassed it made me feel and even then I felt it was inappropriate to say things like that.

Roseformeplease · 21/04/2014 21:32

Horribly inappropriate and, if she does turn out to be gay (have experience of this) it will make being open about it that much harder if she has been constantly, from an early age, pushed into "straight" behaviour.

RedRoom · 21/04/2014 21:32

YANBU. Small children shouldn't be asked to think about their friends in terms of them being boyfriends and girlfriends.

RobinSparkles · 21/04/2014 21:33

My mum does this! I wonder if it's an age thing?

My mum has been asking DD1 if she has a boyfriend since she started Pre-school (she's now 6, in yr 2).

When DD started Primary school she had a very best (female) friend. They were inseparable, played together everyday, always cuddling each other, telling each other they loved each other, the teachers always said that one was lost without the other etc. DD1 goes to a different school now but we still meet up with X and she still sees X as her bestest best friend.

When I told my mum about DD and X and how sweet they were my mum replied, "ooh, maybe she's gay!" Hmm Yes mother, quite possibly but I don't think she's having that sort of relationship with anybody at 4 years old!!!!!

Meow75 · 21/04/2014 21:35

Why not point out to your MiL that in about 10 yrs time, you and she will be hoping that your DD's relationships don't involve partnerships that are too close (for emotional as well as practical ones), and given that this is the case can we try to keep DD's awareness of boyfriends as low as possible please?!

Should do the trick!!!!

Meow75 · 21/04/2014 21:37

For emotional and practical REASONS.

OOPS - proof read better