to expect my own father to tell me hes engaged?

[lastnightIwenttoManderley]

That, really!

Back story, parents split up 3 years ago just before my own wedding. I'm well aware it takes two to take a marriage work but the time it took dad to find someone else plus various snippets which have emerged means I'm 99% certain there was an overlap, especially as my dad has form for this.

New woman must have known she was the OW but, that aside, i don't have anything against her but equally have almost nothing in common with her. My dad's handling of the whole situation was pretty appalling. Whilst its great he's happy, him dancing around shouting it from the rooftops whilst my brother and I are trying to come to terms with the break up and support our devastated mother.

Since then, my dad has slowly drifted away from us, making it very clear that his new, ready made family is his priority. So as not to drip feed i should add that OW has a daughter and my dad keeps saying how much she reminds him of me. Firstly, i hope not. She's a very immature, whingey child. Secondly i do in some way feel like I'm grown up now and so he's found a replacement.

So this weekend has pretty much topped it off. I've just found out via my brother that my dad's engaged, subsequently confirmed via Facebook.

Am i unreasonable to think you might tell your own daughter this before splashing it all over the internet? I have two working phones with no missed calls/texts...

I feel like this is the final straw. He's made it perfectly clear that he's detached himself from his old life, us included, and we're just not important to him.

I wish i could be happy for him but despite being a grown adult, inwardly i feel like an abandoned little girl. I'm devastated by his actions me and really don't know where to go from here. All advice welcome... (even to say IABU)

Sorry for typo's, useless phone!

YANBU. I would probably wait to see whether/when he gets in touch and what he says then. That said, I think you need to try to get over the fact that he's moved on from his marriage. It doesn't in itself mean he's moved on from you. He doesn't sound like a very mature man though.

My dad did this. I see him about once every few years now. He and his wife have both detached from their dc and have taken on a single mum who can't stop popping kids out. Yes I am bitter because their help with my SN dd would be much appreciated. My dad is a uni lecturer and pretty well respected where he lives but to us he is just that man who cheated and destroyed our mother and abandoned his dc once the youngest turned 18.
I don't have any advice op because I haven't resolved any issues but I do feel for you and hope you actually get something sorted out.

YANBU. Sadly I think that often parents don't take into account their adult children's feelings in these situations. I imagine that it has stirred up a lot of emotions for you.

Thanks all for replying - you've all managed to articulate some of the things i can't!

testing i hadn't realised it but i think the maturity aspect is probably a big thing for me.

I've just had a text from him asking if I'm up but not replied yet, I'm still feeling really hurt at being the last to know something as significant as this.

red thank you also for sharing your experience. I'd love to have a good relationship with my dad but i suspect that I'm unlikely to get that now after all of the (imo often avoidable) hurt he's caused.

Sympathies, he's a prat and of course you are upset.
My friend's ex sent their 16 year old a facebook message telling her he'd got married in Thailand, just before Christmas one year. Which meant he couldn't afford to buy his daughter a present. Charming. Mind you, this is the same guy who had an affair and when he moved in with OW claimed he couldn't pay support because he had a new family to look after! that relationship only lasted a few weeks, mainly because OW threw him out because all her benefits were stopped.
Some men are just emotionally dysfunctional and cause huge damage to those who love then. take things at your own pace - you do not have to dance to his tune.