DDs not upset at leaving me!

[zeezeek]

I'm working in New York until the end of May - been here since the beginning of last month. DH and the DDs have just spent a week here with me and we've had a great time, but they are all flying back tomorrow. We thought that the girls would be upset that they are returning to the UK and I'm staying here for another month - but it seems that they aren't bothered at all! They are more excited by the fact that they will be seeing their friends again and have bought presents for them all. I know that it's better this way and I wouldn't really want to deal with hysterical small children and there is no way that they can stay here as I have to work and have no childcare. Besides DD1 needs to go back to school. DH says that it is because we brought our children up to be independent and they are starting to be that way (at 6 and nearly 4) - but I guess there is a little part of me that would like them to be a bit upset and miss me just a little bit?

Says who spider?
DS dad lives almost half the year in his country. In practice this means he won't see DS for 2-3 months once a year and they have a very close bond. He's with him now without me and perfectly happy.

I would say that we have a close bond, yes, but then as they are the only children I've been a parent to, and I am the only mother they have then it must be, to some extent, our own unique experience. They have certainly been used to either me or their father going off to conferences from practically the day they were born, so that it normal to them. Just as going to boarding school was normal for my brother and I. Things will be changing slightly for them in a couple of months time when DH retires and will be spending more time at home - although he will be doing the odd work things during school/nursery hours.

If your family life has always been this way then of course your dc know no different so won't be upset.

I'm a SAHP and my DH works away and my dc would definitely be upset if the roles were suddenly reversed.

It's all about what's "normal" to the dc really. That said children do adapt really well to new situations.

YANBU! But I'm sure they will miss you when they are back home :) When ds was just a baby I had to leave him with a child minder for a bit to make a Dr. Appointment. He was fine when I left but screamed bloody murder when I Returned! I felt so awful like he didn't even a Want me back. Years later I read children do that sometimes, they can't comprehend how they miss you until you are Back!

Wish I would have known that then. It made me feel awful for a bit after it happened :)

There are some unbelievably sexist and judgemental posts on this thread. OP, I would agree that the signs are that your daughters are secure in their relationship to both of their parents. I think the suggestion that only an unnatural mother (or a father, perhaps???) would opt to work away for three months is hilariously bigoted.

Well, they are all back home and perfectly fine - happy to see the dogs and the grandparents who had been dog and housesitting. As promised they skyped as soon as they got in - though they were so tired and over-excited about the flight, being upgraded and so on, that it was a very short conversation full of squeals.

Somehow don't think me being away has damaged them in any way. And yes, they do know I'm their mother and not some random stranger.

YANBU! Nobody would suggest that there'd be an issue if the roles were reversed. This is the 21st century...it's very sexist to suggest that Dads would somehow offer a less satisfactory level of love and care. Every family makes their choice but at the heart of it all is the children's well being.

I work away during the week, it's the choice between both of us working f/t or having a sahp.

Exactly Screaming! Why is it that women are still treated this way and judged constantly for the choices that we make (or, in some cases, for having no choice but to take a certain path).

When my DH was in his first marriage (he is 20 years older than me and has 2 DC from his first marriage who live in Sweden with his exW) he worked a similar pattern to me: often at conferences and meetings, working with collaborators for weeks and sometimes months - and yet no-one judged him!

His wife left him though....but that was nothing to do with his absences and more to do with his presence

Sounds perfectly ok to me OP. :)