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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu in thinking this is explotative

57 replies

userfame · 20/04/2014 21:57

I can't link it but I read an article today about a woman who blogs about her son whom she refers to as gender non conforming. He's 7 and from the flick through I gave the blog it's about his life and the family's. raisingmyrainbow.com/

She's also got what appears to be a popular book out.

My query is whether any agrees that this is exploitative of the child? What's really interesting is that on the few posts I looked at the photos are all carefully taken so as not to show the little child's face. So clearly there's some thought given to privacy but it can't be anything other than a nod to it when the whole blog identifies the family.

Please don't get me wrong. I don't think the child has a thing in the world to be ashamed of but surely it must be weird to have a parent so invested in your differences that she's making a living out of publishing about you? And what will he feel when he's old enough to make a decision about how much of his life he wants to share on the net.

Maybe the same could be said about any blogging parent. I don't even put photos of mine on Facebook.

OP posts:
OhNoYouExpedidnt · 21/04/2014 08:34

It makes me want to vomit. A lot. He is a child. Who gives a shiny shit what he likes. It seems like he is constantly forced to question whether something is for boys or girls which kind of defeats the point of her whole non gendered approach to raising him.

Any small boy who says, ' I drew him gender conforming' or whatever drivel she has written, is not having a healthy upbringing.

Sorry for the rant. I hate these ridiculous blogs. Whoop di do. You do what many many other parents of boys do. They just don't see the need for the look how liberal and different I am song and dance.

OhNoYouExpedidnt · 21/04/2014 08:42

The more I read the worse it gets. The child is being forced to like girls things. I hope he grows up to be the most butch, manly, man stereotype there is.

She is going to be so upset if he's not gay.

Original poster
userfame · 21/04/2014 08:43

Wouldn't you love if she saw this thread. Doubt she'd care much but I'd love to know how the hell she justifies it.

OP posts:
halfwildlingwoman · 21/04/2014 08:47

Yes, it's exploitative. And the style makes me want to vomit. If he wasn't a rainbow he'd be indigo.

GiveItALashJack · 21/04/2014 08:49

God I read this and I agree with the PP, the child is being forced or pushed to like what are perceived as girl things.

Its actually ridiculous and I think both her approach and her blog will harm those children in years to come.

She probably justifies it because she is adamant she is right. Most writers of these "alternative parenting" blogs think its their way or no way. She wouldn't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks tbh.

Though I hope that the people at the talk I saw advertised on the blog are not fans of hers but rather people who will question her and her ideas.

RunnerBeen · 21/04/2014 09:01

Alot of it actually sounds made up- especially the contents of the purse.

Kids like what they like, DS was catching tadpoles and playing with hotwheels yesterday, tomorrow at nursery he will probably "straighten" his teachers hair.

no-one ever makes such a song and dance if a girl wants to kick a football or wear a blue top or something else considered "boyish".

Original poster
userfame · 21/04/2014 09:02

I had to look up indigo child.

Jesus wept.

OP posts:
Nomama · 21/04/2014 09:09

Oh, now I need to google...

Does anyone else remember the mother who supported her boy in being non conformist who, as soon as he could, got one of those American parent divorces as it was all her doing and none of his?

I can't find the right search words, but I am sure I remember this in Real Life, rather than a telly programme.

meringue33 · 21/04/2014 09:11

Reminded me of this (apologies for DM link):

www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1336463/Katie-Allison-Granju-The-mummy-blogger-terrible-secret.html

CeliaLytton · 21/04/2014 09:29

I may be misreading this, but the mother seems to be thrilled when her son makes a choice which is construed as 'feminine'. If he had wanted to sit in the fireman chair at the barber instead of the princess chair, I bet that wouldn't have made it into the blog. I would worry that through her desire to raise a unique and special child she was inadvertently steering him towards choices which reflect her need to have a gender-neutral child, when in fact he seems not to be gender neutral but instead not allowed or encouraged to have anything boyish.

I know lots of little boys who love pink, dolls, prams etc but they also love cars, dinosaurs and stereotypical boys toys. I. The same way that the little girls I know love cars, dinosaurs but also love pink frilly girls stuff. I think it is just called being a child rather than being a sex.

OTheHugeManatee · 21/04/2014 09:30

It reads like she's coaching her son to be her Gay Best Friend.

OwlCapone · 21/04/2014 09:37

I agree, Celia. Perhaps he was too scared to ask for the fireman chair and offend his mother rather than embarrassed to choose the princess one.

Original poster
userfame · 21/04/2014 09:41

What's really interesting is the repeated mantra about how toys are for everyone and a boy it girl can wear whatever they want.
Yet she's the very one so hellbent on selling the guff that glitter, pink things and fairies are for girls.
Is she really so blinkered (and possibly dim) that she can't see this? Does she not realise that it's her thinking that creates the issue?

OP posts:
mercibucket · 21/04/2014 09:42

perhaps her older son is also being pushed into 'hyper boy' stuff, so everything is super macho. not doing him any favours either. it seems such a 'either/or' approach to take with kids

ds wanted to be a girl when he grew up, and used to talk about 'when he was a girl'

dd wanted to be a dog when she grew up Grin

mercibucket · 21/04/2014 09:44

i hated

pink
dresses
fairies
barbies
glitter
stupid bubble writing with multicoloured pens

was i gender confused or did i just have good taste beyond my years?

TeWiSavesTheDay · 21/04/2014 10:12

I found the article a bit off too.

I have 2dds and a ds. They all play with a mixture of stuff. I can't think of a single child that's gone through the doors of our house and only played with the 'boys' or 'girls' toys.

If I had a child that was very set on being hyper masculine or feminine whether Or not they were gay wouldn't really occur to me. That they felt they had to strongly identify in such a stereotypical way (or what?!) would worry me a lot.

HolidayCriminal · 21/04/2014 10:19

None of us have read the book; what intrigues me is that no one (I mean No One) on Amazon has slagged the book off. That speaks volumes, actually, out of many dozen reviews, no one has said she coerced her child into seeming speshul.

I'd have to read the book to figure out if she's on to something or not. I agree before 5yo it seems really weird to see a child has having strong irrefutable gender identity, though.

breatheslowly · 21/04/2014 10:26

It's great that she is willing to let her children follow their interests (if she is genuinely doing that). However, what would happen to her career and celebrity if he decided that he would rather play with stereotypically "boys' toys" and wear "boys' clothes"? Could she handle the loss of her status? He'll never be able to wipe this off the internet - if that is what he wants later.

mercibucket · 21/04/2014 10:32

there are only 5 reviews on amazon.co.uk

i leave to your imagination how reliable those reviews are.

Original poster
userfame · 21/04/2014 10:55

The title to the book/blog says a lot
"Raising my Rainbow"
It's all about her.

OP posts:
pictish · 21/04/2014 11:31

Having sifted through her blog, what I get from it is that she is a self congratulatory, attention seeking twit.
This is all about HER. Her son "the most captivating child you will ever meet" is by the by. This is ALL about how marvellous SHE reckons SHE is!

And I thoroughly dispute that her son is the most captivating child I'll ever meet. I have three kids of my own, and they are all much more captivating than her son. Wink

What the fuck are some people on?

FairPhyllis · 21/04/2014 11:33

I saw the article in the Times yesterday. She obviously thinks he is transgender or gay because he has non-stereotypical interests for a boy.

Well whoopidoo. I didn't gender conform as a child and I don't as an adult, but it doesn't make me gay or trans. It just makes me a person. She must have a pretty blinkered view of the world if she thinks a boy liking "girls' stuff" is something to write home about.

I'm all for environments where all children can be free from gender stereotype, but frankly I am quite disturbed by how over invested she seems in exoticising and over-analysing him. Her writing style isn't helping either.

oldgrandmama · 21/04/2014 11:36

Shona Sibary writes about her kids, especially her teenage daughter, regularly in the DailyWail - complete with photos of the kids, faces NOT blanked out. I think this is absolutely outrageous. Poor kids.

OwlCapone · 21/04/2014 11:38

She obviously thinks he is transgender or gay because he has non-stereotypical interests for a boy.

And that is simply conforming to another stereotype.

GiveItALashJack · 21/04/2014 11:41

And what happens when this child grows up and doesnt conform to her will, turns out he isnt gay or trans but just a kid whose ideas were molded by his mother?

What if the other son was gay or trans and is being pushed into this macho role that he really doesnt fit into?

Looking at this further, I think its pretty horrible to think because a boy likes glitter and my little pony, he must be gay,. Thats isnt progressive.