Went to my gran's for a couple of hours last night, sitting in lounge, with my mum's brothers and their wives. Mum and my sister at home (r.e. other thread - sister having a bit of a crisis and I was invited to gran's to get some space for a bit).
My gran had a bit a lot to drink and when I was helping her prepare something to eat. She got a bit emotional and thanked me for looking after my mum. Said that she always wondered who would look after my mum when she couldn't, "take the burden off her" and that when I was five she realized I would grow up to do it for her.
It's left me upset..
Hit a nerve as my father told me the same. That he knew, when I was four/five, I could deal with my family. Used to walk out to work and tell me if I wanted help to phone the doctor - leaving me once with my mum fitting and sister who was 18 months. He said he knew I could manage and so didn't need to hang around, when he divorced my mum he knew I'd be fine.
I get similar comments from my mum's friends. My mum's friend quite often tells me to remember to look after my mum, and gets annoyed with me if she feels I am not pulling my weight enough in looking after her/sister.
The other day I had an important appointment to go to and my mum was saying she had missed a tablet - friend who was sat next to her asked me almost angrily if I really felt it wise that I should go for the appt in town? Thankfully mum said I needed to go, and that she didn't want me hanging around the house.
Then in church today a perfectly nice woman commented on the fact that I've paid a deposit for a room in nearby town to my mum, said how lovely it is I'm moving near to her seeing as she depends on me so. That hasn't really offended me as she was just being nice and she's not really someone I know at all, but it just makes me think how many others think the same?
In three years or so I want to move 200 miles away. In less than that I plan to work full time and am applying to jobs.
I don't feel I should be forced into the position of "carer" with emotional blackmail crap. My mum doesn't want that either. This is not what I am here for, not what I was born to do, not what I want to do and even if it was, not something I should have to do alone.
My mum isn't a burden, and I want to spend time with her because she's my mum and not to look after her. I want to live where I'm going to live because I know the area, and I have friends there..
I'm especially upset, I suppose, by the fact that gran has thought this since I was five years old.
It's the second time she's said this. First time I ignored it because she was drunk. Second time I think she must mean it.
I don't know if IBU .. I told my GP the first time she said it (not specifically, it came up in conversation), and my GP just about hit the roof..
Do I just accept what she's said, leave it and carry on? She seems to think it's a lovely thing she's said, gave me a hug and kiss (rare from gran). I know she means it as a nice thing and wouldn't want to hurt me. I don't know if I tell her how I feel, if it will upset her!
I just don't know how to handle it. I know I need to not categorise it with my father's comments but it hurts. Do I just stick it in the box of "drunk, doesn't know what they're saying", iswyim, or something?